What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

@snottysystem I honestly haven't seen it but as I'm not a parent/member of a large family I'm probably not primed to look for it so I absolutely believe that it happens.

I am just against the criticisms of large families incidentally, my MIL is one of 9, my maternal grandparents are one of 9 and one of 6. I have loads of friends who are from families of 4+ (god, I'm starting to sound like someone who is insisting they aren't racist at this point) - I've never stated that one child is better than many - I don't think anyone can make that statement objectively.

What I, and several other posters object to is the definitive statements about the natures and experiences of children without siblings. It's offensive.

If this were a thread about large families I would be just as firmly against the sweeping generalisations and judgements although less personally irritated.

I was an only child and I hated it. We lived in a rural area so I was often lonely. Honestly, my best friend as a child was my dog! I remember having piles of board games that I couldn’t play because my parents were too busy working or too tired from working to play with me. Sounds so pathetic doesn’t it

@Charley1988

Oh I definitely don't think only children are miserable or unhappy by definition of being an only...of course not.

I think a happy only child would probably be even happier with a sibling though.

I think an unhappy child would probably benefit from having a sibling for support and companionship.

I had a difficult and complicated childhood...thank god me and my sister had each other.

@Alittleodd I haven't criticised only families, look at my posts. I just don't see the point in taking things so personally. I'm one of 3 & considering dc3, plenty of MNs think they were scarred for life growing up in a 3. That wasn't my experience at all however I can read their experiences & not relate but still be mindful of potential pitfalls.

Yes, snotty, there are some very smug parents of two children on here for sure.

In the real world, there is no such thing as the perfect family size. There are pros and cons to every situation, and so many variables.

I love my DSis. We did play together a lot as young children and it was lovely, but I sometimes wonder if having a ready made playmate got in the way of me developing social skills at times. Certainly, I didn't have my dd's gift for making friends with almost anyone. Nevertheless, it was fun to have another child around at the weekends, on holiday etc. When we weren't fighting, that is....

Unfortunately, we drifted apart as teenagers. I used to get really fed up trailing around after DSis and her all-consuming hobby. I also felt that there wasn't anything I could ever do to impress my parents as DSis had already done it. We weren't close as teenagers and never really talked about stuff.

As adults, we do love each other but we're not close at all. Rather, I'd say we're politely indifferent to each other. We don't live near each other but make an effort to get together because we both have only children of the same age who happen to be really close. If it weren't for the kids, I'm not sure we'd bother.

The burden for looking after our elderly parents falls entirely to me. DSis is neither willing nor able to help.

I think a happy only child would probably be even happier with a sibling though.

And I think that's overly simplistic nonsense.

Anyone who judges other people with a definitive statement are just not very bright are they?

And I think that's overly simplistic nonsense

Hence why I said 'probably'.

Anyway, I don't understand all the angst and people being so defensive.

So I said I think an only child can be very happy and well adjusted but a sibling would probably enhance their life even more...what's wrong with that?

My dc live in a nice house...they're happy. I can concede they'd probably be even happier in a mansion with a swimming pool. Doesn't mean the life I've given them is dreadful.

It's absolutely none of my business as to whether someone has one child or a dozen and equally no one else's business as to how many/few/no children I have.
I was one of three, the eldest and a very lonely, unhappy child; perhaps having siblings isn't all it's cracked up to be?

I sometimes wonder if having a ready made playmate got in the way of me developing social skills at times

Quite an interesting point.

I have friends but I think having a sister has meant that I haven't had to invest so much in those friendships. For example, if I'm bored on the weekend and wanted to go shopping, for a coffee or lunch out...my default companion is my sister.

I’ve 2 my sister just has one 11 year old and they stayed with me a couple of nights recently it was interesting to watch their dynamic they’re v much friends my sister is my nieces source of entertainment and doesn’t leave her alone for a minute

I have friends but I think having a sister has meant that I haven't had to invest so much in those friendships. For example, if I'm bored on the weekend and wanted to go shopping, for a coffee or lunch out...my default companion is my sister.

And that's great that you still have that companionship as an adult. Unfortunately, not all siblings remain close as adults - emotionally or geographically - and so that default relationship doesn't necessarily work. That's where it really helps to have a strong network of friends.

I am somewhat in awe of my dd's talent for making and nurturing friendships. I have no idea whether she would have been the same if she had had a sibling. We'll never know.

We could easily give DD a sibling. We have the finances, the space in our home, no fertility issues, etc. We have just chosen not to. Maybe she'll grow up and want a sibling; maybe she'll grow up and want a horse. The mix of responses on this threads shows the situation perfectly. Some people have happy childhoods and other people don't, whether they have siblings or not. For every person who has a best friend sibling, there's another who has the opposite experience. Worry about how you're bringing your own kid(s) up and don't waste energy 'feeling sorry' for people who really don't need it

Billions of only children were born in China from the 80s til a few years ago.
Guess what? They are all different.
It has more to do with how they they were raised than being an only or not

DH is an only child and he said the focus of his parents was a little difficult at times (they still bemoan how not like them he is) but otherwise he enjoyed it. He did inherit 4 step siblings which was very difficult for him but that was more down to the fact that it was a decision made for him and he suddenly had to attempt to integrate with them, but always felt like he was the child left out because his step siblings had (and still have) a close knit relationship.

I am the second child of 3 (technically 5 but my youngest DB and DSis were born much later) and still get on well with the siblings I grew up with, but I wouldn’t say we’re close. But then we understand that we each have our own lives to live. We were brought up by alcoholic Grandparents so we banded together as children.

So really I think it’s all about circumstances.

I’m a mum of 2, one boy and one girl, had little choice though because they’re twins but before I found out I was having twins, DH and I had agreed for one child (for practical and financial reasons) - nature obviously had a different idea 😂

The thing is, when multiple people say ‘hey, it’s just my opinion, but I think you’re raising a lonely, self-absorbed, maladjusted child’, it’s hard not to take it personally.

Any person who says that @bookworm14 is a dick in my opinion (as a mum of two).

I’d much rather have been an only child to one or two loving parents than one of three who were largely left to fend for themselves.

I think some people with multiple children often defend their situation by putting down those who have one child. Likewise I’ve heard how selfish I am for having two children on a couple of occasions from parents with one child. My general approach to this subject is to shrug and say “each to their own” in those circumstances- but I do wish the comparisons/criticisms both ways would stop.

I have never felt judged for only having one child. Probably because when people have asked if we were having any more my answer was that it took 17 years to conceive DD and it never happened again.

I have only seen people judging families with onlies on here TBH.

I think some people with multiple children often defend their situation by putting down those who have one child

Lots of people judge others simply because they are insecure in their own choices & or need to justify them. They are pros & cons to having 1 child or 7, or having them at 20 or 40, or not having kids, that's life. Just be secure in your own choices.

Just be secure in your own choices

The issue is, having one child sometimes isn’t a choice.

It always makes me laugh when people preface judgemental comments with “oh I’m not referring to people who can’t have more than one” before making a judgement on only children.

The fact is it doesn’t matter why the child is an only, the end result of being an only is the same.

@GreenTulips “Some of my children’s friends are only children. Personally I find their parents quite pushy in thinking my kids are there to entertain theirs with play dates and outings”

LOL, my eldest had a group of friends who were all eldest, met in a new Reception class. For after school play They all used to congregate at the house of the ‘enfant unique’ to get away from ‘annoying’ younger sibs.

In due course the younger sibs also met up to play together at houses away from the older group.

When I was a kid, one of 3, one with ADHD, I was often invited for weekends away with my only-child best friend, it was brilliant, we were able to do age appropriate stuff, I got used to being away from home, as well as having very happy family times.

You sound very determined to make your kids fit a mould that you see them in.

I was talking generally 😒

yes some people can't have more than 1, or any or end with more than planned due to multiples but some people will always judge. What you going do, try & change their minds or stop them verbalising their thoughts? Not likely imo, much better to get on with your life & not worry about what others think.

Also the op did ask for honest opinions so some answers may not be palatable for only parents.

What you going do, try & change their minds or stop them verbalising their thoughts? Not likely imo, much better to get on with your life & not worry about what others think

Oh no. I just tell them very robustly that they’re incredibly rude, tell them exactly why I have one and watch them squirm.

It’s got to the stage where it’s amusing more than anything else.

Yes, that's true snotty, people were asked what they honestly thought. I guess it's just disappointing to realise how many ignorant people privately buy into the negative stereotypes.