What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

I know a few people who are only children and they seem just like any other person.
The only worry I would have had is when parents pass away would they feel lost ?.

@BlackCherry666 it is interesting to look at the relationships.
My mum and her siblings are very low contact. There is a lot of resentment going on (my mum doing the lion share of the care and doing it all on her own until she snapped a few years ago saying she is no longer willing to do so and that the others need to pull their weight. It kind of worked as her sister helps a little now.) there is also entitlement from her brother... So the relationship is frotsy at best

Fiancé father came from a large family but have not kept in overly close contact however seem to be on good enough terms to know what is going on in their lifes.

Fiancé and his siblibgs regularly see each other. Go to football together and meet up for a drink at the pub and other social events. Also been to his brother's and partner for lunch. They are very close. He gets on with sister too but she is further away but we pop over if she is back for the weekend etc.

DF counsins have weekly family bbqs in the summer and are tight nit. I used to envy how close they were and hope the same for my children.

One thing I have noticed is that as soon as money or elderly care is involved you do start to see cracks in the relationship. Even if you get on once you have your own family it can drift apart

The only things I notice is that parents of only children seem to constantly want to borrow children especially during summer holidays so their child has someone to play with and one parent in her own words doesn’t have to entertain her child the other child then does it for her.

I just feel sorry for them. Whether that's wrong or not, that's just how I feel. Obviously completely understand multiples aren't an option for many people, but when people choose to just stop at one, I do feel like that child will miss out through not having a sibling. Just basing it in my own experiences though. Even though I didn't particularly get on well my siblings growing up, there was always someone to play with, and have fun with. Everything just seemed better when we were all at home, even if it was driving eachother nuts. Having said that, I decided early on to either keep dd1 as an only, or have a big (5 year) age gap... I fell pregnant when she was 20 months, and was terrified of having 2 so close in age. It has been the absolute best thing that's happened for us though, the girls are inseparable, and give eachother such immense amounts of joy, I could not imagine dd1 being an only now. They're now 4 & 2, and I would definitely have another if finances allowed. Friends with only children always want/need playdates as their kids are bored and lonely, whereas ours are content and busy all the time. Holidays are great as we get to relax while they play together, and yes they fight, but I think they've learnt alot of patience and compromising skills through having eachother. Obviously if I just had the one, I'd think she was perfectly happy, but having a second has really opened up a whole new, fantastic dimension to our family unit, and my absolute favourite part of the day is seeing them interact with eachother. They've started telling eachother they love one another too, and it is just incredible.

@OneForMeToo that is my aunt to a T lol. Cousin also an only child meant I was invited every year to spend my summer in LA with them... Until her son was 10 and we developed our own interests and I was no longer needed for company and more an inconvenience 😂

I'm an only. In my experience it can be more difficult as an adult. While my ex is indifferent to his brother, he does enable our children to have contact with their cousins who they love. I have no cousins or wider family to offer my children, with the result that they naturally gravitate to ex's family on occasions such as Xmas and summer holidays. I feel very alone at such times.
It probably wouldn't have been an issue if ex hadn't left me. I had grown to think of his family as mine, because I don't have one of my own (neices, nephews, brothers and sisters in law - an only has none of theses) and the split was doubly painful.

When my ds was on a residential school trip, it was really odd just having my dd at home. The strangest thing was dinner. The kids always eat theirs straight after school and we eat once they're in bed. Without her brother, it seemed really strange her just sitting there by herself at the table. Obviously, I sat with her so she wasn't alone but it was strange as I usually spend their tea time pottering around doing jobs in the kitchen. Made me think parenting an only must be more intense. I'm currently still in bed watching tv and kids are playing downstairs...I wouldn't be doing this if I only had one child...I'd feel really guilty.

My own parents died when I was young. I'd be so alone if I didn't have my sister and her family around. My dc would miss out hugely too if they didn't have their aunt, uncle and cousin.

My experience of only children tends to be that they aren’t very good at sharing or not getting their own way and end up pretty self-absorbed adults. That’s based on 20 years of teaching experience (the children) and knowing a fair few adults without siblings, but is purely anecdotal though!

I have one son and would have loved more. For health reasons I can't risk having another and it gets on my nerves every time someone tells me I'm selfish for it. He has a group of friends already and socialises really well, he also is willing to share at the drop of a hat. He probably does benefit more from our attention and comes across as a little old man sometimes in how he speaks but at the same time is very self sufficient and plays well on his own as well. He also has a cousin the same age and have spent alot of time together. I know people say cousins don't matter but he is very close to all and has settled into a peacemaker role with them. With one he is treated like a younger brother and gets the rough and tumble atmosphere. With his other two he is treated like an older brother, he looks after them and is learning to temper his behaviour to play with them.
I think how an only child behaves is down to their personality and how they are treated growing up

Oh for fuck’s sake. Be right back - just off to conceive a second child so that DD doesn’t grow up a spoilt, self absorbed weirdo.

Some of you should really listen to yourselves.

I think it's sensible for parents to have exactly the right amount of children then can:
Afford
Give energy to
Love
Have time for
Handle

It is not sensible for ignorant adults to tell people how many children they 'should' have based on their own experiences.

You can have 3 children and they can all be awful, entitled, selfish adults. You can have one child and it grow to be a kind, happy, fulfilled adult.

I know it's patronising, but like many others on this thread I feel sorry for only children.

I was an only until I was 10 and was desperately lonely. It wasn't really about having a playmate. My parents were also very overbearing and being the centre of their world was absolutely exhausting.

Just awaiting my hysterectomy- I can't have anymore children - just the one for me.

Glad to hear I'm a monstrous cunt though 👍 really should have pre-empted the illness that was coming.

@Redlocks28 that is a bit of a generalization. I have seen plenty of people with siblings unable to share while being more then happy to myself going as far as letting other people walk off with my toys as a toddler and my parents having to run after the child to retrieve it lol or in better words my dad lol my mum was always happy how generous I was and encouraged it

I wouldn't feel sorry for an only & there are plenty of legitimate reasons why some people only have 1.

However I think what is different for onlys is that they can be the sole focus of 2 parents which does have pros & cons & likewise they tend to be around adults a lot as it can be less upheaval for parents who have one, eg the child slots into their life more. I found going from 1 to 2 much more difficult than I expected as our lifestyle changed much more so than with 1, although DC1 was a very easy baby.

I think some people are taking this far too personally.

I don't think only children are going to grow up and be any more obnoxious than someone with loads of siblings.

I can also see that we all have many factors to weigh up in life...finances, age, support, health etc

However, I do feel like in an ideal world, it's better to have siblings.

I think it's weird how some get so offensive about the potential downsides of 1 child. You always see on here that people say it's awful to have more than 2 because they couldn't give them enough attention, money etc.

Why formerbabe? While I think it can potentially be great to have siblings I think a child doesn't need siblings

There seems to be a common perception that the parents of only children are constantly seeking to "borrow" other people's children so that their kids aren't lonely. I can see how that happens but that certainly hasn't been true in our case. On the contrary, I always found it quite a challenge to keep reciprocating all of the "playdates" that dd used to get invited to. She had a wide circle of friends and always got loads of invitations, and I felt obliged to return the favour but it was quite difficult to squeeze it all in. Now, as a teenager, her social circle still seems to be wider than most.

DD does have one rather "needy" friend whose mum is constantly inviting her over because the friend is "bored and lonely". Funnily enough, said friend is one of three.

We are one and done. There are personal reasons for this and it’s no ones business but our own, though the amount of comments we get that our DD will be lonely or turn out selfish because she’ll never learn to share etc make me want to scream.

Just because you have siblings doesn’t mean you will be friends or have any sort of meaningful relationship...

@Charley1988

Company
Support
Wider family as an adult
No one else will ever understand your childhood like they do

I know many on here don't get along with their siblings but irl, everyone I know is close with theirs.

My experience of only children tends to be that they aren’t very good at sharing or not getting their own way and end up pretty self-absorbed adults
And I know a lot of people who have siblings who are also unable to share because they had to do it so much with their siblings as children that they grew up not wanting to share once they got older. It depends entirely on the person!

Quite a few of my friends like that I borrow their kids - my DS's best friend has a very sporty older brother and hates getting dragged around to his events. So instead we selfishly borrow her and take her out for the day or let her and DS run riot here and traumatise my dog.

And I never mind hosting several rambunctious little monsters for a few hours because I know my house will return to it's sad, quiet, lonely desolation once the other children leave.

@snottysystem you do realise that when PP are describing only children in negative terms and saying they feel sorry for them or its such a shame they are actually talking about some of us.

Personally.

And our children.

Who we love.

Although clearly not enough to give them a sibling

@formerbabe I agree that a person can benefit from all those things. I was lovely as an only and could have done with company and support - but I can now see that my mum was a narc and the atmosphere in the house was miserable-so not because of being an only as such

@Alittleodd Yes but you do realise that parents of more than 2 children get criticised just as much, or parents with big age gaps? Imo if you deviate from the MN standard of 1 boy & 1 girl close in age you're in for some criticism!