What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

I personally deliberately had a second child purely so my DC wouldn’t be an only child as I would feel really sad for them if they were, but that’s just my opinion.

How unfortunate for your second child to be born purely as an accessory for your first, rather than because they were wanted in their own right. And what a wasted endeavour if it turned out that the siblings didn't get on. Personally, I would feel really sad for a child born in such circumstances, but that's just my opinion.

I have n’t read the whole thread, but i have to say, I do n’t know many if any one who got on with their siblings as a child or has a meaningful relationship with their siblings as an adult.

Pleasant it's hardly surprising that only children/parents of only children are coming across as a bit "chippy" as the ignorance and negative stereotyping on this thread is off the scale.

Of course there are only children who are spoilt, selfish, lonely or whatever, but there are people with siblings who could be described in this way too. Despite one poster thinking it's "inevitable" that only children become PITAs, this really isn't the case.

Similarly, all of the comments about only children being left to care for their ageing parents alone ring rather hollow to someone whose mother did all of the caring for grandparents while her siblings lived abroad, and who is now doing all of the caring for her own parents because DSis is hundreds of miles away and too wrapped up in her own life to get involved. Having a sibling is no guarantee that the burden will be shared, but it does lead to resentment if it's not.

The only comment that has rung true for me on here is that dd will have nobody with whom to share the pain when her dad and I finally pass on. That is a concern, but losing a parent is difficult for everyone and I can only hope that she is able to build a strong support network around her that enables her to cope with the loss when the time comes.

@Northernparent68 I have seen it with fiancé's, family, my DF cousin's, and some of my friends but it is no guaranteed outcome. Also seen plenty of siblings loath each other or be apathetic towards the relationship. It depends on how well the personalities match

We are happy, content, fulfilled humans who have a close relationship with our parents and enjoy the independence and solitude our upbringing awards. We also have active imaginations since we usually had to play on our own.

Far from ideal but unavoidable for some.

Not read the whole thread.

I'm an only. I've not been spoilt, had to work hard all my life. Have lots of good friends.

The only thing I will say is that as you get older the only real difficulty is the responsibility of looking after elderly parents falls on my shoulders alone.

My husband is one of two. He and his brother are like chalk and cheese, and my husband dislikes his brother intensely. We are the ones that take responsibility for his parents too.

Everyone is different, and you can't judge the situation by the minority.

I’m an only child.

I was so far removed from being the centre of the universe. Born to older parents, I was expected to slot into their lives and wasn’t really considered in anything. There was never any attempt to make me feel remotely important. I was neither mollycoddled nor spoilt. Rather, I barely featured on their radar. I was fed and clothed and there was a roof over my head but that was it.

My dad worked long hours but my mum, a SAHM until I was well into my teens, is one of the least maternal women I know.

My parents are now in very poor health and this falls all to me. I’m breaking and have no one to share it with.

My son is an only, because infertility. I'm an only, because recurrent miscarriage. My father is an only, because WW2. [And he's kept a close bond with childhood friends through 8 decades, though they scattered over the country/world, whereas my mum and in-laws have distant cards-at-Christmas relationships with their siblings, so take that, only child stereotypies!]

The Victorian psychologist and gentleman G Stanley Hall gave us the spoiled only child stereotype; he declared being an only child to be a "disease" in itself and that singletons were deficient, indulged, spoiled. (He also wrote extensively about women's role as the Angel of the House, declared intellectual women a "biological deformity" and advocated a process called "retarding" the education of girls to repress any curiosity about science, history or politics. Super.)

His ideas about onlies have been widely debunked in academia but are still one of those "truths universally acknowledged" in society.

For the academic debunking, see eg "Only Children and Personality Development: A Quantitative Review" by Polit and Falbo, Journal of Marriage and Family Vol. 49, No. 2 (May, 1987), pp. 309-325. "This review combined the results of 141 studies and found that only children scored significantly better than other groups in achievement motivation and personal adjustment. The achievement motivation finding was especially reliable, persisting across several comparison groups. Overall, however, the review indicated that only children were comparable in most respects to their siblinged counterparts."

In other words, people is people, in all their rich variety, whether you've got siblings or not.

Madness, if it makes you feel any better, I have no one to share it with either, despite having a sibling.

I have a cousin who is an only child, she has to very frail elderly parents who she has to look after, it impacts on her whole life. She is physically and mentally exhausted as she has no siblings to share the care with

'My parents are now in very poor health and this falls all to me. I’m breaking and have no one to share it with.'

Sorry to hear this it's awful.

DH has also been through this despite having 4 siblings

I'm currently going through it despite having 2

I do worry about care of elderly parents without a sibling to share it with. I will have to lean on my partner.

On the other hand, my DM and her sibling argued like rats in a sack over decisions and responsibilities around DGM's illness, care and eventual end-of-life decisions and made it all considerably worse for each other so having a sibling isn't always the answer either :-(

My mum is one of three and the only one caring for my elderly grandparents. Her (spoilt, selfish, PITA) younger brother moved abroad and her (socially maladjusted, weird) older brother doesn't feel he needs to do more than a phone call.

It's absolutely breaking her.

Yes Ceara, my friend stopped speaking to her three siblings after their mum died because there were disagreements about her end of life care. She has been NC with them now for 2 years.

My DH does way more to help with the care of my parents than my DSis, who does precisely nothing.

'My DH does way more to help with the care of my parents than my DSis, who does precisely nothing.'

Same here Alexa

I'm getting extremely bitter regarding my situation too. I need to realise my brothers have always been selfish pieces of work and my expectations of them are all that is letting me down here.

This thread has really got me thinking about the sibling dynamics in our own family,

Me - 2 siblings 9 + 11 yrs older, literally no memory of doing anything with them as kids. They had both left home by the time I was 10 and we've always been at completely different life stages. One I get on well with and see maybe once a month. The other I see about once a year and we're basically acquaintances.

My mum has 3 siblings. Never speaks fondly of her childhood and sees them rarely as an adult. There is also a LOT of tension and arguments over my grandmothers care. Basically they all bitch about each other.

My Dad - one sibling who he sees rarely and didn't get on with in childhood

Husband - 3 siblings- well, it's like they don't exist. He really doesn't like them and didn't when they were growing up.

FIL - His sister cut him off about 30 years ago and won't have anything to do with him. They didn't get on as children either.

MIL - 2 siblings. They didn't get on at all as children and doesn't get on with them as adults.

So, all in all, siblings have proven to be rather a let down in our families!

I get that people want their child to have a 'playmate' throughout their childhood and someone to share the burden with as an adult but in my experience it rarely works out like that.

I also think that the 'built in playmate' is great when they're little or you go on holiday. But it's rather an insular world if your best mate is your sibling, what about outside friendships?

I need to realise my brothers have always been selfish pieces of work and my expectations of them are all that is letting me down here.

Did they not get the memo about the fact that having siblings is supposed to cure them of selfishness?

No and funnily enough.

'mornings, evenings and weekends of houses full of children and parents talking about their days, having a laugh.'

Seem to have bypassed this Walton existence to and DH with his 4

Honestly, as an only child I will always tell anyone who asks how happy I was on my own but in reality it could be, as still is, very lonely at times. I've built some very close friendships over the years but I'm aware that although I may see them as 'sisters' I will never be like family to them as they have their own. I still love them though but I would have loved a real family.
I always wanted 2 children because of this, but have only been blessed with one. Like a pp mentioned I arrange a lot of play dates, I hope her friends parents don't feel I'm taking the Mickey, I won't apologise for giving my dd a close circle of friends. She would be isolated otherwise. She is desperate for a little brother or sister and my heart breaks for her. However, she will grow up loved, happy and well balanced, she might just be lonely at times.

Alexa

I know - according to my mum having a brother or sister helps you share - right do the experiences children have at school don't assist with this at all.
In my experiences the only child stereotypes are nonsense as they contradict each other I my opinion

Thing is kahleesiblets say you had one brother 10 yrs older than you who emigrated to Australia when you were 8 - even though you're not an only child it's likely you'd still be lonely - extreme example I know
This is the reason I feel the only child v siblings debate is nonsense as there are no many variations in between

So many variations

What pissed me off is that when I behaved badly it was always down to me being an only child according to some numpty adults. While there's nowt wrong with being an only child there's everything wrong with some people's narrow minded attitudes to it
I can see that my bad behaviour was down to my mum being a narc!!!!! Stately homes were we come!! 😂 (I'm glad I've retained my sense of humour)