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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irritated by this Facebook post?

367 replies

MagicKingdomDizzy · 12/10/2019 20:12

I know, people can post what they want and I can just scroll past. But this has really annoyed me today.

I think it's safe to say people are very aware of the benefits of breast feeding, but sometimes it just isn't possible to do.

In my case, my daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate and I physically couldn't feed her. Then I read crap like this and it just reminds me of my failure to do something I really wanted to.

So, I guess my AIBU is does this kind of virtue signalling rubbish posted on Facebook actually have any benefit, or is it just there to make the poster feel good and people like me feel bad?

To feel irritated by this Facebook post?
OP posts:
shadesofgreytoo · 12/10/2019 23:03

No I don't Smile

Quaffy · 12/10/2019 23:04

Telling someone that breastfeeding their toddler will make them a pervert is a disgusting thing to say.

chipsychopsy · 12/10/2019 23:08

One of my concerns re breastfeeding is the rise of cliquey 'smug' memes, groups and rituals. It does not normalise breastfeeding. It makes me want to do the opposite of whatever this twat is doing.

I do wonder if we don't give breastfeeding mothers enough credit and praise for doing something difficult, and the result is this bizarre back-slapping.

Either way, breastfeeding is a brilliant thing to do. I'm sure everyone knows that. And you can breastfeed and not be a twat, despite a lot of evidence to the contrary.

Weedinosaurus · 12/10/2019 23:11

I’ve also been told it’s attention seeking (I’d say I’m fairly discreet - just looks like he’s having a cuddle), that he’ll not grow up to have s normal relationship with women because he’ll remember my breasts, that he’s immature because I breastfeed him...but yes the pervert one was the most horrible.

The thing that gets me is that people feel
They have the right to say it...

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 12/10/2019 23:13

It's a horrible guilt trip for women who couldn't feed, or feed long-term, for the many valid reasons there are not to.

It's also rubbish. Breastmilk isn't a painkiller and the line about ill babies being able to take it in when they can't swallow other liquids is a lie, as parents who have had sick newborns know too well.

Being prone to certain infections will have a strong genetic and physiological component to it. For example, some children have narrow ear canals that are likely to get blocked with wax and get infected, regardless of how they were fed. No amount of breastmilk will make their ear canals wider or change how much wax their ears produce.

Thatagain · 13/10/2019 00:36

How can you be annoyed by this? What is annoying about it? Female gives birth with a natural milk supply it's amazing not annoying. I had to bottle feed my son as I nearly died when he was born. YABU

GunpowderGelatine · 13/10/2019 02:22

YABU. People shouldn't be silent about breastfeeding just because some people can't do it

Countryescape · 13/10/2019 04:45

There is stuff all research to back up claims that breast is best. And the research that is round is subjective. So over this breast is best bollocks. I challenge anyone to look at adults in a room and know who was breastfed or bottle fed and until someone can, this breast is best business needs to stop!

Shockers · 13/10/2019 05:01

Nurture is the key to a well adjusted child, and many women achieve that, in part, through the closeness of breastfeeding.

But it’s bollocks to say that it can’t be achieved in any other way.

ShutupWesley · 13/10/2019 05:41

I bet the person who posted this bullshit is a bit of a knob. Be honest OP...

Makes me laugh really, I think about my NCT group. Out of the 7, 1 was exclusively breastfed. He was the last to reach poetry much all of his milestones. He was also the most difficult baby out of the lot. Screw whoever posted this bullshit, they probably believe in homeopathy too.

PatricksRum · 13/10/2019 06:08

Fed is best

As opposed to starvation? Yes.

Between formula and breast milk is breast milk better? Also yes.

ShutupWesley · 13/10/2019 06:18

This is a really good read scimoms.com/is-breast-really-best-and-is-formula-harmful/

OooErMissus · 13/10/2019 06:19

How can you be annoyed by this? What is annoying about it? Female gives birth with a natural milk supply it's amazing not annoying. I had to bottle feed my son as I nearly died when he was born. YABU

I don't think the OP is annoyed by the notion of breastfeeding!

She's annoyed by the socially inept person who thinks it's a good idea to post that shiz on Facebook.

And I BF my two for 13 and 16 months apiece. So into toddlerhood.

I'd rather die that share something like that on FB. It's beyond cringeworthy.

KateWrong · 13/10/2019 06:25

@Lowandbetold2 excellent post!

I bf my almost 3yo and I find this post is a bit over the top. But i also think there is so much negativity around bfing toddlers that talking about its benefits can only be a good thing. I wish as mothers we could all just support each other’s feeding choices.

differentnameforthis · 13/10/2019 06:42

it’s probably a woman proud of what she feels is an achievement and celebrating it a bit.

That's not celebrating, it's shaming.

Howlovely · 13/10/2019 06:49

I think people find this kind of shite annoying because

a) it's simply not true
b) it's becoming like breastfeeding is an exclusive and increasingly smug club
c) the perception that some breastfeeding mothers seem to want constant recognition and praise for feeding their babies when actually it is the most uninteresting and mundane thing.

Posts like this, I think, can make breastfeeding advocates look a bit silly. I had to leave a breastfeeding Facebook group as I just could not stand all the ridiculous selfies and 'boobing in Tesco, so proud' comments. I didn't find any of it supportive, I found it ridiculous that grown women felt the need to get public likes and high fives for feeding their child!

Howlovely · 13/10/2019 06:52

I bf my almost 3yo and I find this post is a bit over the top. But i also think there is so much negativity around bfing toddlers that talking about its benefits can only be a good thing
@Kate, please could you attach a link to the benefits of breastfeeding toddlers as I cannot find anything as yet online about it (granted I haven't had the time for extensive research!) Just a "very little evidence of benefits past the age of two" comment.

user1480880826 · 13/10/2019 06:53

I’m a massive proponent of breastfeeding but most of those claims are garbage. There is very limited/no scientific evidence to support a lot of those claims and the studies that do exist largely don’t take into account other socioeconomic factors.

user1480880826 · 13/10/2019 07:01

@TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain there is actually evidence that breastmilk can relieve pain:

www.babydoc.com.au/breastmilk-as-a-painkiller/

Breastmilk also contains antibodies and provides secondary immunity (aside from the fact that babies receive their first immunity from colostrum) so it’s not hard to believe that it provides protection from infection.

HarryElephante · 13/10/2019 07:06

Nothing like a breastfeeding thread to pole at people's insecurities.

HarryElephante · 13/10/2019 07:06

poke

WMPAGL · 13/10/2019 07:08

OP, it's also largely bollocks. I'd be tempted to post the following review if the evidence expectingscience.com/2015/11/02/breastfeeding-benefits-the-real-the-imagined-and-the-exaggerated/ and ask for theirs! Wink

KateWrong · 13/10/2019 07:17

@Howlovely

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/ this link has some info. Yes it does say there is limited evidence available, but the available evidence does suggest some benefits. For me, the reduced breast cancer risk and the emotional benefits it gives my son are good enough reasons

I can understand why people might be upset by the post in the OP. But some of the comments towards bfing mothers here have been quite hurtful as well - “smug”, looking for recognition and praise and so on. How are such comments any better than the original post?

GunpowderGelatine · 13/10/2019 08:15

Do people really think that a 2 year olds body suddenly changes so drastically that breastmilk is no longer a beneficial substance?! Of course it is!

I agree about the comment re people's insecurities - sorry if you couldn't/didn't breastfeed but "I'm fine" isn't an argument for saying breastmilk isn't good for toddlers.

Also fed isn't best - it's the bare minimum. You don't get cookies for not starving your child

swingofthings · 13/10/2019 08:29

Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish! Even if they could substantiate it, the markers would be so low, it would be like writing 'preschool children who are driven to school have a higher chance to dying on their way to school than those who are walked by their parents'. Probably true, but not to the point of concluding that all children should be walked to school to avoid them dying in an accident.

Neither my children were breastfed and as now older teenagers, are significantly above the average in all those markers. Thankfully, even if I'd seen such a poster when they were born, I would have just laughed.