Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irritated by this Facebook post?

367 replies

MagicKingdomDizzy · 12/10/2019 20:12

I know, people can post what they want and I can just scroll past. But this has really annoyed me today.

I think it's safe to say people are very aware of the benefits of breast feeding, but sometimes it just isn't possible to do.

In my case, my daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate and I physically couldn't feed her. Then I read crap like this and it just reminds me of my failure to do something I really wanted to.

So, I guess my AIBU is does this kind of virtue signalling rubbish posted on Facebook actually have any benefit, or is it just there to make the poster feel good and people like me feel bad?

To feel irritated by this Facebook post?
OP posts:
Pinkblueberry · 12/10/2019 22:08

It’s not remotely nasty. It’s factual.

😂

Millymollymandybestie · 12/10/2019 22:09

Well my toddler is breast fed and had a global development delay so doesn’t meet the criteria of that silly post. I think she would have had gdd regardless so just ignore that silly post. Ensuring your child is fed and happy is the MAin thing. FWIW I only have bf coz it was more convenient and I found it easy. If I would have struggled I would have 100% bottle fed, as I never planned to bf and it’s the Bain of my life now. There advice on breastfeeding feeding but but hi advice on stopping.

TrainspottingWelsh · 12/10/2019 22:09

Not rtfd, but yanbu.

Mine are much older, and apart from the fact nobody gives a fuck, nobody can tell the difference. Dsds formerly breast fed peers haven't all taken their svelte, healthy selves off to Oxbridge, while their podgy formula fed peers spend their lives unwell and bemoaning their exam failures. And I'd bet everything I own that dd's peers won't conform to some smug bs prophesy either. Lies, damn lies, and statistics.

And for the poster upthread, I'm not defensive. I breast fed. Because it worked for us from the start, and if it ain't broke don't fix it. Not because my babies ability to latch or my milk production are a superior parenting choice to formula. And I certainly didn't do so to use it as yet another way to make new mothers feel like they've made a lesser choice or failed.

Fed is best, how really doesn't matter.

catlitterinmyturnups · 12/10/2019 22:10

In my opinion this is unnecessarily goady bull turd. I breastfed both my kids till they turned 2 (which I didn't bang on about by the way as I felt a bit freakish).

DD:

  • Had endless ear infections
  • Sucks thumb

DS:

  • Is a fussy eater
  • Sucks thumb

There were definite benefits to BFing, but it's like all the crap surrounding drug-free natural birth versus every other unavoidable eventuality. It's not a fricking competition. The important thing is your kid is fed and loved.

Original poster
MagicKingdomDizzy · 12/10/2019 22:11

Just to clarify....

I have absolutely no problem with actual proven facts about breast feeding being circulated. It's the 'your child won't be as intelligent, healthy, amazing, successful if you don't' which I think is really damaging.

OP posts:
Pinkblueberry · 12/10/2019 22:14

This is your own guilt. I have friends who run marathons, should they not post stuff about it because I can’t run a marathon?

I don’t think that’s the same really - unless said marathon runners are posting things like ‘I run marathons... as I marathon runner I am proven to have glossier hair as well as being more intelligent and living to a hundred and being alround superior than people who don’t run marathons...’ then I would find that equally irritating as that nonsense breastfeeding post.

LoyaltyBonus · 12/10/2019 22:20

I run marathons. TBH I don't post much about it outisde of my running club pages because I get it's pretty boring to non runners but when I do it is absolutely not to tell anyone how much better my way is than theirs, which is what breastfeeding posts are always about.

Benes · 12/10/2019 22:22

Hahahaha 'this is your own guilt'

Nah.....zero guilt here.

Ellisandra · 12/10/2019 22:24

@MagicKingdomDizzy just ignore it. I breastfed until 4.5 years, and my now 12yo is the fussiest eater I know. And she did not have a glossy coat. Sorry, hair Grin load of bollocks!

MT2017 · 12/10/2019 22:29

OMG YAdefinitelyN-ATALL-BU

PixieDustt · 12/10/2019 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LonginesPrime · 12/10/2019 22:39

OP, I completely get where you're coming from - I had a cleft baby too and although I expressed for a bit, I had to make the decision to stop for the good of the family as a whole because my DC didn't exist in a vacuum (unfortunately, as that would have negated the suction issue!).

My DC have other health issues too and people are always saying stuff without considering others' perspectives - there are lots of things other parents take for granted that my DC may never be able to do, and I've found just smiling and nodding (or in this case, muting social media accounts) works well to filter those people out. People just don't consider every angle and it's not worth worrying about them.

I don't know how old your DD is but people are going to be insensitive (although I can confidently say that since she's had the first surgery, you're definitely over the worst of it - the comments from strangers in the first few weeks were the worst). On the plus side, I find my cleft (mainly formula-fed) DS is very compassionate and considerate as a result of knowing what it's like being on the receiving end of mean comments.

Hopefully your DD won't get too much shit, but I honestly wouldn't worry about the breastfeeding - you did what you could and your DD will be absolutely fine.

MarthasGinYard · 12/10/2019 22:41

'pooboobsleeprepeat you're a nasty little witch aren't you?'

I wouldn't go that far but I'd pity them somewhat for their username

QueenofmyPrinces · 12/10/2019 22:44

I breast fed my first son until he was 2.5 years old and am currently breast feeding my second son who is 2 years old.

I get so much criticism from people about the fact I still breastfeed, it’s horrible and they make me feel like I’m doing something I should be ashamed of.

I guess posts like this are to try and raise awareness of why some people do choose to breast feed their toddlers?

It’s obviously backfired though as instead it seems to have caused even more animosity towards extended breast feeding mothers.

TheClitterati · 12/10/2019 22:47

I agree I could only have pity and lots of eye rolling for anyone who would post such utter shite. I feel embarrassed for them.

And I speak as someone who BF 2 dc/babies/toddlers.

Hecateh · 12/10/2019 22:49

My (younger) sister and I were both born in the 1950s

I was around 10lb she was 12lb
I was fully breast fed for 6 months she wouldn't breast feed and as she was such a big baby she had farex (baby rice) added to her bottle feeds - from day 1.

I got good 'o' levels but left school before 'a's as I couldn't handle them. She got a first from Oxford.

I am 5'7" and at my heaviest was 21 stone. Following a gastric bypass I have been 10 st 7lb but am currently around 12 st.

She is 5'5" and weighs around 8st7lbs and has never been much more than 7lbs either side of this.

The only 'advantage' I have is that she has had a hip replacement and will soon need another whereas I have no problems - but as my brother said 'she uses hers' as she has done Scottish Dancing at least weekly for many years and I am far more sedentary.

As others have said 'Fed is best'.

My own suspicion is that I was always hungry on just breast milk and have been trying to fill that emptiness since, whereas she was always satisfied and wasn't left hungry.

Welshrainbow · 12/10/2019 22:50

I would love to know how glossiness of hair is supposedly measured. Also surely people posting this crap realise that while breast milk is a nice addition to toddlers nutrition they still need other foods/water as well so still have to cart round all the sipping cups etc that people not breastfeeding their toddlers have to. Hardly increases the portability of a toddler. Posting things as fact when they are not actual facts backed up with scientific evidence just makes people look stupid.

Weedinosaurus · 12/10/2019 22:51

@Lowandbetold2 brilliant post.

shadesofgreytoo · 12/10/2019 22:52

Who would want to breastfeed a toddler. Baby fine

EveryoneButSam · 12/10/2019 22:55

@WhatTiggersDoBest I have a fair idea how science works, I have made a career out of it for the last 20 years Wink

I wasn't trying to argue the point for scientific accuracy of the poster. I completely agree with your post. I was frustrated by the number of posters suggesting that their experience of their individual children meant that claims made on a population level were bollocks, and was using a fictitious (presumably!) study about glossy hair to illustrate that point.

This doesn't mean that I agree with or support all those claims, some of which (glossy hair included) look like bollocks.

QueenofmyPrinces · 12/10/2019 22:55

Who would want to breastfeed a toddler?

Why? What’s wrong with it?

ymf117 · 12/10/2019 22:55

Shame as I'm sure lots of first time mummies would see this sack of shite, take it as gospel and feel terrible if they couldn't adhere for whatever reason. YANBU

EveryoneButSam · 12/10/2019 22:57

I would love to know how glossiness of hair is supposedly measured I was imagining some kind of glossiness index, maybe with reference photos Grin

shadesofgreytoo · 12/10/2019 22:58

Nothing, but not for me

Baby important for nutritional and health reasons

Weedinosaurus · 12/10/2019 23:01

@shadesofgreytoo I want to breastfeed my toddler. Do you have a problem with that?

He’s almost 3 and showing no signs of stopping and I’m happy to keep going. However, the amount of people who think they have the right to tell me I should stop now with all kinds of bizarre reasons is unreal. Someone even told me he’d be a pervert!!!
That post was awful and totally inaccurate but there are people who do need to be educated about extended breastfeeding. The comments can be just as hurtful as those judging formula feeding mothers.