To feel irritated by this Facebook post?

[MagicKingdomDizzy]

I know, people can post what they want and I can just scroll past. But this has really annoyed me today.

I think it's safe to say people are very aware of the benefits of breast feeding, but sometimes it just isn't possible to do.

In my case, my daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate and I physically couldn't feed her. Then I read crap like this and it just reminds me of my failure to do something I really wanted to.

So, I guess my AIBU is does this kind of virtue signalling rubbish posted on Facebook actually have any benefit, or is it just there to make the poster feel good and people like me feel bad?

When I started breast feeding my baby the comments I got off formula feeding mothers were so disheartening...

“Why on earth would you choose to do that when formula is available and you can have more freedom?”

“There’s no way I would breast feed, having to feed a baby as much as you are....no thank you!”

“My baby only feds every four hours and sleeps well at night, there’s no way I would swap that for breast feeding. You’re mad.”

“You’re going to regret choosing to breast feed when you realise how tied to that baby you’re going to be.”

“At least I know what my baby is getting, why on earth wouldn’t you choose to formula feed rather than have to worry about whether baby is getting enough milk?”

“To be honest I think breast feeding is really irresponsible, putting your baby at risk like that by potentially starving them if your milk isn’t good enough.”

“Formula feeding is so much easier, it’s so much better to have a routine - you’re mad to be breast feeding.”

“He’s got reflux because you’re breast feeding him.”

“He’s unsettled because you’re breast feeding him.”

“Breast feeding is not worth the hassle, it’s not right to have a baby dictate to you so much. You really should just swap to formula.”

“If we were meant to do that (BF) we’d be black and white, standing in a field and saying Moo.”

“You don’t actually believe all those facts about how breast milk is best do you?”

“Formula is just as good, my baby is fine on it, I really don’t get why you’re bothering, it must be such a palaver.”

“Shouldn’t you be giving your baby water when it’s hot? Don’t you worry you are dehydrating your baby?”

The list goes on and on and every comment hurt me and made me feel crap.

I would never, ever start a conversation just to criticise a mother’s choice to formula feed and give her passive (sometimes nasty) aggressive comments about why formula feeding is bad and why my breast feeding way is so much better. I would never comment on her babies behaviour/habits and tell her it’s her own fault because she’s formula feeding and not breast feeding.

It was fine for me to be talked to like that though and it was horrible.

I’m still breastfeeding my two year DS and I saw that post last night. My first thought was eh, most of that’s a load of shite as far as DS is concerned

I’m sorry it made you feel bad OP. You had a really tough time and your wee one is lucky to have you as a mum

That's just a total pile of shite. That's the sort of thing my late grandmother who was born when extended breastfeeding was far more common and who breastfed all her older children used to find hilarious.

Out of the 7, 1 was exclusively breastfed. He was the last to reach pretty much all of his milestones. He was also the most difficult baby out of the lot. Screw whoever posted this bullshit, they probably believe in homeopathy too.

Well that could have been my son, it was hellish. I am not sure that proves anything about bfing or not, I would hazard a guess it was to do with his later diagnosis of autism. Formula wouldn't have magically made he be able to support his head at 6 weeks.

Seriously, these types of comments are deeply hurtful.

That image is absolutely laughable. Breast milk as a painkiller? I've heard a lot of crap about why breast is best, but that's top of the pile. No, you breastfeed your child to give them comfort after they fall off something in the park - you could just give them a cuddle like I do with mine. Works just as well! Supple skin and shiny hair ... Is there a scale somewhere of how supple their skin is and how shiny their hair is?

It's a load of shite op. Some people just really hate the idea that it is perfectly possible for children to thrive being formula fed or mixed fed. Images like that are designed to make the women who share it feel superior to those who couldn't or didn't want to breastfeed. That's the whole purpose.

@Yoohoo16 I was just about to add that. WTF!? That’s bull information right there, for sure. Nothing more independent than a toddler that has intervals of snacking on mums boob.

Cats, actually there are studies that if babies feel more attached they will ultimately be more independent. Breastfeeding isn't the only way for a baby to feel attachment but it would be the most obvious.

Thank you to the supportive posters who have understood the point of my OP.

As I previously said, I think breast feeding is a wonderful thing to do for a child.

However this post isn't about that. It's touting untrue 'facts' and insinuating that breast fed children are somehow superior to those who weren't. How is that helpful to anyone.

And for the record, I wish with all my heart that I had been able to breast feed my daughter, but I couldn't, through no fault of my own. Every time she gets an ear infection or illness I feel guilty, and reading crap like this just makes it worse.

I bf DD for less than a week, she is now almost eight and the youngest child with the highest belt at her karate club and has been skipped up a year at school. Her hair is past her bum and shiny and lovely. Unless I had super strength breast milk then I think it’s all pretty much unrelated.

LonginesPrime

Thank you to you

AgentCooper Thank you for your kindness.

Oh OP, you haven't failed as a mum by not being able to BF. you are doing like most parents, the best they can possibly do.

Please don't take things like this personally, I truly don't believe that post originated from a superiority point of view. Breastfeeding is the optimum for babies, but formula is most definitely a valid alternative and babies thrive on it.

Breastfeeding and particularly extended breastfeeding isn't the norm and some people need reassurance that it is the right thing to do. I can see how this looks to others but I don't think it is done out of malice.

Wouldn't it be great if people's natural reaction to recieving endless criticism of their parenting choices wasn't to declare that people taking the other option were doing it wrong?

This facebook post is almost certainly the kneejerk response of someone who's received a barrage of shit for the crime of breast feeding a toddler. Its not a good response to that criticism, but the criticism is unfounded so maybe you just need to see it for what it is (overly defensive behaviour) and move on.

This thread is jam packed with people posting kneejerk defensive responses to the facebook posts implied criticism of forumla feeding. That's not a good response either, but again the criticism is unhelpful and in the main part unfounded also. So maybe you just need to see it for what it is (overly defensive behviour) and move on.

People who post this kind of thing just swallow what’s fed them (no pun intended) I couldn’t feed my son myself but genes will out: my husband and I are both intelligent and I have absolutely no concerns about his intellect (to take but one category) whatsoever.

@PegasusReturns : in fact, Emily Oster, an economist, has run the numbers and it’s a lot closer a call than we’re all led to believe.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/20/is-breast-really-best-i-looked-at-all-the-data-to-find-out

I refuse to be made to feed guilty by the breast bots out there. The industry that’s grown up out of women’s difficulties with breast feeding is utterly, utterly ridiculous and in some cases really quite exploitative: the things you buy while feeling guilty and distressed about your breastfeeding difficulties are the very definition of panic buys. Lactation consultants, nipple shields, stupid Medela industrial breast pumps with about a million different parts that all have to be sterilised (and, in my case, which didn’t even work when I tried to fire it up)

Gimme a break.

piglet I certainly agree with your second paragraph, I wouldn't have BF if it had been a faff.

I disagree with your first...I believe people post shite like this because they are sick of being attacked for their choices....its the wrong thing to do...but that's human beings for you....

I meant I agree with your last paragraph not second...opps.

The industry that’s grown up out of women’s difficulties with breast feeding is utterly, utterly ridiculous and in some cases really quite exploitative: the things you buy while feeling guilty and distressed about your breastfeeding difficulties are the very definition of panic buys. Lactation consultants, nipple shields, stupid Medela industrial breast pumps with about a million different parts that all have to be sterilised..

This is really offensive.

I had to turn to all 3 of those things you mention, and I had to pay for a tongue tie repair twice and my baby had to have 5 sessions with a cranial osteopath all to enable him to breast feed.

Women who want to breast feed aren’t being “exploited” - we are using what’s out there to enable us to do it!

queenofmyprincess

Those comments are disgraceful, who on earth has is saying they were “fine”?

I never had a single negative remark about breastfeeding but a couple about formula feeding - only a couple though. I guess it depends on who you know.

The sad truth is people love to criticise women for the way they feed their baby however they do it.

piglet agree with all of your post.

@QueenofmyPrinces

I guess it depends on your perspective. I am saying I felt exploited and forced or BF when it really wasn’t working for me and made me very very unhappy. Good for you for going to those efforts. I wasn’t prepared to do that but the fact the industry exists made me feel like I should and in not making the efforts you did, I somehow wasn’t trying hard enough. I didn’t need that crap at a time when I was feeling vulnerable, stressed and was struggling to bond with my son.

Hilarious. I know a breastfed 1 year old and certainly don't match much of the ideas here! Lol. Not to say it's because they're breastfed, just to point out it makes no difference 😁

Good for you for going to those efforts. I wasn’t prepared to do that but the fact the industry exists made me feel like I should and in not making the efforts you did, I somehow wasn’t trying hard enough. I didn’t need that crap at a time when I was feeling vulnerable, stressed and was struggling to bond with my son.

And this is when it’s sad they women feel such pressure from society to breast feed.

A lot of people thought I was mad for going to all that effort and the cost of it just so I could breast feed but like you say, it’s all just down to personal perspectives.

It took about ten weeks of struggling before he could finally breast feed ‘properly’ and just when I thought things were finally going to be okay he was then diagnosed with an allergy to dairy

All the struggles occurred with my second son, and I often wonder if my first son had been that problematic whether I would have even attempted it with a subsequent baby.

Rubbish. It's just a child wanting a drink of milk.

Absolutely not. My daughter can be given milk, water, a snack etc etc and still come back asking for a breastfeed because it gives her comfort, helps settle her, soothes pain etc etc.

I bf one of mine until he was 3. I didn't bf the others and wouldn't bf again if I had any more

I very much doubt anyone could guess the bf child.

@Piglet89 if you are seriously arguing that breast isn't better for babies then you're not as intelligent as you purport. It's well proven.

You're fine with not breastfeeding - good for you, but don't undermine those that did BF by pretending there aren't benefits, because that's exactly why these ridiculous posters get circulated.

Here we go again! Breast is better on a population basis. It is not forcibly better on an individual basis. Breast is better, but it is far from being as better as some pro breast like to claim.

If you want to breastfeed, do so with happiness that you are doing what you are intending to do. Don't judge those who have opted for the bottle.

If you are bottlefeeding your children, don't think you can give expert advice to those who breastfeed and face some difficulties doing so.

If you breastfeed, don't let anyone tell you you should bottlefeed. If you bottlefeed, don't let anyone make you feel guilty that you are not doing your best for your child.

And remember that you have a lifetime of debating what you should be doing to give the best to your children!

I hate this. Put a bunch of children in a line and point out who was breastfed.. you can't. Utter bollocks. I found breastfeeding so difficult.