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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel irritated by this Facebook post?

367 replies

MagicKingdomDizzy · 12/10/2019 20:12

I know, people can post what they want and I can just scroll past. But this has really annoyed me today.

I think it's safe to say people are very aware of the benefits of breast feeding, but sometimes it just isn't possible to do.

In my case, my daughter was born with a cleft lip and palate and I physically couldn't feed her. Then I read crap like this and it just reminds me of my failure to do something I really wanted to.

So, I guess my AIBU is does this kind of virtue signalling rubbish posted on Facebook actually have any benefit, or is it just there to make the poster feel good and people like me feel bad?

To feel irritated by this Facebook post?
OP posts:
AmazingGrace16 · 12/10/2019 21:00

Yabu.
Breast milk is superior to milk substitute.

You not being able to bf due to medical reasons is no reflection on you as a person, as a mother. Just like if you chose not to bf due to whatever reason wouldn't reflect on your parenting ability. Any mother should have the right to informed choice and access to support to make those choices regarding infant feeding.

However, yabu.
I can't drive due to medical reasons. I don't begrudge a car, adverts, the traffic every time I see it. I don't take it as a personal attack when other people drive with no sensitivity about me not being able to drive. Of course I don't, that would be ridiculous. When we get to the point in society when seeing people breastfeeding is as normal as seeing a car drive past all of this pressure and crap on what we "should" do as mums will disappear.

Ignore it and move on.

BeesKnees4 · 12/10/2019 21:01

Dear God what an utter twat to make this,if that’s the child she looks 2/3?
Who knows what the future for her health or intelligence or development.
Independence that’s hilarious, a 2/3 yr old demanding boob is the opposite of independent 🙄🙄 makes my teeth grind.

justasking111 · 12/10/2019 21:03

Looked for a link found these. So they are teaching pharmacists this!!

www.breastfeeding-and-medication.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Breastfeeding-and-pharmacy-2.pdf

Whydothesethingshappentome · 12/10/2019 21:03

a 2/3 yr old demanding boob is the opposite of independent

People like you are WHY people post this sort of defensive nonsense! A 2/3 year old wanting breast milk is the equivalent at that point of a 2/3 year old wanting a cuddle. definitely doesn’t mean they can’t be independent ffs.

rubyroot · 12/10/2019 21:05

Prepared to be flamed for this, but I see this post and thi k she's far too old to be at her mother's breast

Quaffy · 12/10/2019 21:05

amazinggrace

Not the same thing at all because no one is saying their child is more intelligent and healthier than yours because they drive and you don’t.

Justajot · 12/10/2019 21:05

It is completely "my child is better than yours". I believe that every parent should think their child is better than everyone else's. But then should avoid rubbing it in other people's faces.

Quaffy · 12/10/2019 21:06

Prepared to be flamed for this, but I see this post and thi k she's far too old to be at her mother's breast

I never wish to flame anyone and hope this doesn’t come across as such, but this is the kind of opinion that has made a few posters on this thread say a poster like that is justified.

Poppinjay · 12/10/2019 21:06

a 2/3 yr old demanding boob is the opposite of independent

Rubbish. It's just a child wanting a drink of milk.

SylvanianFrenemies · 12/10/2019 21:07

Obviously that post is a total cringefest.

However, there is a lot of stigma/negative comment around BFing toddlers. I imagine it's a misguided attempt to address that.

Also, we all do our best by our kids. There's no need for competition. But "fed is best" isn't actually true, and undermines breastfeeding. But "fed is fine/ok/enough" doesn't fuel this manufactured rivalry enough I guess....

GoodGriefSunshine · 12/10/2019 21:07

So people can only post things if it doesn't upset you? You couldn't BF. That's OK, many people can't. But that does not mean that BF does not have its benefits. Should these benefits never be spoken about incase it upsets you?

rubyroot · 12/10/2019 21:07

But we're not in an undeveloped country where children don't have access to other forms of nutrients. I personmybthinknuts unnecessary

GPatz · 12/10/2019 21:08

I think if I was a new Mum deciding whether to FF or BF, I would choose FF after reading all this negativity. If fed is best, why bother BF at all? Why risk being labeled as 'smug'? Why risk having children with compromised immune systems and future fussy eaters?

AmazingGrace16 · 12/10/2019 21:10

I disagree.
I've had comments about how they must feel isolated, they won't be as socialised, it must restrict their choice of school etc etc.

There are things that are better than others. It's a fact that breast milk has far more in it than formula. It does lead to differences in a range of things. These are all backed by research.

I agree the wording of the image could be perceived as goady.

Ronnie27 · 12/10/2019 21:12

It’s just utter bollocks isn’t it. I breastfed myself but my eyes rolled hard reading it.

Tattooedmama · 12/10/2019 21:13

I am still breastfeeding my almost 2 year old and must agree alot of that does look like shite, for starting.
Fussy eating- my boy is quite a fussy eater, only healthy stuff he will happily eat all day is strawberries they go down rather well but he spits alot of his food out or throws it.
Independence- From 6 months old he disliked any interaction with other people, except me, daddy and his brothers... no idea why, hes much better now but he still dont let me out of his sight.
I dream of a day where we can go on a date night, last time was when he was 5 months old.
Immune system- at 3 months old he had a urine infection and was hospitalised, so poorly the doctors thought he had meningitis. His first year he had that with a few cold, throat infection with ear infection at the same time, hes also had croupe. So his immune system was pretty crap even though being exclusively breast fed.

While breastfeeding DOES have many many benefits, even for mum including reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancer, and I will say it till I'm blue in the face that facts are there and breastmilk does have alot of health benefits for mum and baby... I dont think it's the extent of what that picture says.

Quaffy · 12/10/2019 21:14

gpatz

And if you chose to formula feed that’s great, the chances of it making the tiniest bit of difference to your child as an individual is very slim.

But you’ve totally mischaracterised the thread. No one is saying she is smug for breastfeeding. It’s for posting a pile of crap like that.

if fed is best why bother breastfeeding at all?

Because some people want to, and as someone who has done both, the practicalities of both are very different and some would find BF more convenient, and possibly cheaper (depending how much BF kit you need to buy, which varies).

justasking111 · 12/10/2019 21:15

Hair is shinier?

Original poster
MagicKingdomDizzy · 12/10/2019 21:15

GoodGriefSunshine

It's stating that breast fed children are more intelligent than formula fed children which is ridiculous.

OP posts:
AmazingGrace16 · 12/10/2019 21:15

@goodgriefsunshine

Spot on.
There are always things that we may not like or agree with but not liking the scientific fact that breast milk is superior is daft.

Tattooedmama · 12/10/2019 21:16

But some of these comments about 2 year olds breastfeeding, so what? Child isn't hanging off your boob, so mind your own business.

lightsoul · 12/10/2019 21:18

No one asks you when your child starts school were they breastfed. there are many more important aspects that make a good parent. If it works for you its good if not thats fine too.

user1479305498 · 12/10/2019 21:18

Ok breast may be best but it's a very individual thing. I had really big boobs but not that much milk. Had 3 children, had a bash at it for the first and last one but ended up bottle feeding both quite quickly. I don't feel remotely guilty either as all were healthy and developed well. Some women seem to delight in making other mums feel they aren't making such perfect choices as themselve s, be it BF or working or whatever, please cut others some slack and do what's right for you and your personal circumstances. If babies can still thrive, then formula really isn't an issue.

Benes · 12/10/2019 21:21

Healthier, glossier hair???? Someone must have been secretly bf DS because he has always had the most amazing hair....the type people stop you in the street to admire. He was FF from 2 wks.

Oh wait.....thick, glossy hair runs in my family so maybe it's actually genetics 🤷🤷 as does the lactose intolerance which meant he needed to be on special formula.

Answerthequestion · 12/10/2019 21:21

Seriously, in the grand scheme of things how a baby was fed is beyond irrelevant. I have a 17 year old and have not the first clue how any of his friends were fed. Life is too short to get upset about things like rhjs