Are they friends or jealous of me

[Maudacious]

AIBU to be upset that a couple of my so called friends don't respond when I ask for feedback on my work (designs that take about 1 minute of their time to look at). I give them lots of listening time and prop them up when they're down without fail but i'm now beginning to think they might be jealous of me. I'm less inclined to respond to their feedback requests as a result but am struggling with why some women can't be happy for their friends successes and why they like to try and put dampners on.

You describe your friends troubles as “ dreary woes”. This sounds a bit superior on your part. Maybe they pick up this attitude, and feel that when you ask for feedback you are clearly expecting this to be positive. I would feel very uncomfortable in that position

Maybe your stuff is shit and your friends don’t like to say

^^This. They're being polite.

You describe your friends troubles as “ dreary woes”. This sounds a bit superior on your part

A bit?

Why are you stupid to have asked for their feedback OP? Just because they've ignored it that has it's rattled and bothered you doesn't equate to you having made a mistake in doing so - it's just one of those things. I think you are overthinking.

I think the answer has likely been more than covered here too; a lot of people would feel uncomfortable with being asked for 'feedback' outside of a work setting? find people asking for things embarrassing and feel pressured to give an answer- especially one that doesn't make them feel stupid or one that offends you. People like to ignore that that they feel uncomfortable with or do not like and I can really see how a person would feel uncomfortable being asked that.

Otherwise they likely think the videos are terrible and don't feel able to say. Whilst nobody here can rule out 'jealousy' because we can't read their minds- that doesn't seem very likely at all. What is there to be jealous of after all?

If you're happy to take feedback i'd consider that part of the reason that they might feel that way is that you are being very brusque when you are being given it here and calling anyone who's suggestions tdeviate from what you think the answer could be -'projection' etc , or saying thank God you're not in their mind, which comes across very poorly. Clearly everyone, you included doesn't have perfect social skills so it's give your friends a break- why lose friendships over this quest for feedback when you get plenty elsewhere anyway. Not all friends need to be all things, and not everything is black and white.

@WhatTiggersDoBest - you're not Ruth, are you? If so I love your books!

Based on some of your responses on here op, you seem a wee bit combative / confrontational. It's not necessarily a bad thing and I bet you're awesome at giving unbiased and unfiltered feedback on other people's work; negative and positive.

Some (most?) people don't enjoy doing that or hearing that outside work.

So, I think it depends what you want from these friends. Maybe you'd both be better off without each other.

Or, maybe you need to adjust your expectations and keep work stuff like this out of friendships. They aren't your colleagues, they're your friends.

I think you are underestimating the time it would take to watch a two minute video and then think of something useful to say about it.

Most people with young kids really don't need another chore to tick off.

Oh dear you asked for feedback as she felt left out about job chat so you said here you can chat about what I do .😮

I don't understand how you reach the conclusion that they are jealous of success from the fact that they don't respond to your request for feedback. Surely if they resented you, they would be happy to give negative feedback?

@Maudacious I’m a marketing director - I critique videos like this for a living, I write the scripts, check other people’s work etc - and can 100% say that it’s not a “two minute job”. If it is a two minute job - you won’t get anything valuable from their feedback.

Also your “friends” seeking your opinion on life isn’t “asking for feedback” it’s what’s known as conversation.

How long has it taken you to create your art? Because I would he upset if my friends gave me a response based on a 1 min reflection.
Are you selling these?
Do they think that you are angling for a sale?

Some of you are giving the OP a hard time. I don't think it's wrong to ask friends for feedback on something you have created, whether it's for work or as a hobby. I would like to start selling a specific range of items via eBay or in local shops. I am thinking of showing a selection of the items to my circle of friends and acquaintances (from different backgrounds) just to gauge if the items would attract any interest or not.
I agree that it is still a matter of personal opinion though.

The OP's 'silent' friends may not be interested or don't want to spend time studying the video, however just ignoring OP's request seems rude, especially if they're supposed to be friends. I'd prefer it if people just said no for whatever reason.
No one likes being ignored.

Is it a 2 minute video of you trying out shitty 'YouNique' make up?

It’s very upsetting when you’re ignored especially when you’ve asked for advice or help or insight.

I don’t know why they’ve done this but it might be because they don’t feel qualified to answer or didn’t personally like the designs and didn’t want to upset you.

You could say ‘I would really appreciate any feedback - even negative - I won’t take it personally. It would really help a lot’

Do you ask for feedback a lot? Do they maybe feel overwhelmed. Could they mistakenly believe this is stealth bragging?

Either way - they shouldn’t just ignore you

i don't want to listen to their dreary woes anymore if its one way traffic
I see what's happened here. You've got confused between a conversation and doing tasks. These women don't deserve for you to be mentally treating them like a chore when they're decent enough to be friendly to you. They're too busy too watch / they don't care / they don't like it / they have no idea what to comment; it really doesn't matter why they didn't comment, but it's vanishingly unlikely that it's because they're jealous. Probably best to step away from their lives gracefully, I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Thanks for all your messages on this thread. In answer to some of the questions

I didn’t actually ask either of them for feedback - one friend messaged me asking what was keeping me so busy as i hadn’t been around so i responded and sent the video link, the other friend and I often share articles, videos, music and talk about anything and everything so I thought she might be interested. We’re pretty frank with each other on every other level.
No I don’t shove my work in peoples’ faces. In fact I hate talking about work either to people with great careers or people with none. I have been advised that I have to get better at this, hence I tested the water with friends and a piece of work that I had found rewarding.
To the unique poster - no i don’t do instagram/pyramid selling/make-up stuff, quite the opposite
To the posts saying i can’t take bad feedback and refusing any other conclusion, there’s nowhere to go with those posts is there? I mean if I agree with you and say ‘yeah i can’t take criticism’ then there’s not much more say is there?

Thanks to the posters who recognised that I was asking about non-response where there would normally be a consistent dialogue with these two friends and that at the very least they’re being rude - particularly in the case of the one who had messaged me to ask me what i was up to? This particular friend always goes quiet when I’m not around due to work stuff.

So if it’s not jealousy and is just that they’re not remotely interested then I guess they won’t mind not being invited to a shorts night screening I’m having with 3 other independent filmmakers. It won’t be anything terribly fancy but I don’t want people there who are negative/disinterested - its f’ing hard enough. And if they’re bored by it all they shouldn’t mind?

and @butterbiscuit - your post listing your job spec is completely not what I was expecting from my friends which was the implication of your post. And your comment defining conversation shows your aggression. The whole point of my 1st world dilemma thread was to say that I felt being ignored indicated that there was not two way traffic in these friendships. One of these friends is happy/reliant on me doing the Tuesday school pick-up for her. She’s happy to have conversations about that but struggles to even say something like ‘great you finished that piece…’. seems mean and pointed.

Well aren't you a peach

I have a very good friend who will ask me to come and spend time looking at various things to do with her hobby ( which is quite unusual and not something I have the slightest bit of interest in nor do I understand) She says she wants my opinion on choosing new things and I explain I've got no idea.
I'm not jealous, I'm just not interested and when she gets on to the subject so enthusiastically my heart sinks.
OP can you not understand your friends are maybe just not interested? I love gardening, I have a family member who just rolls her eyes if I start to mention cuttings

@timeforachange - did you not read my last post? Pretty much makes it clear i know they're not interested and don't force my stuff on them....sigh.......starting to see why threads are so tedious in the end. very little point in them when people like you post that straight after i've said everything you clearly haven't absorbed. For clarity I do not expect, force my friends into my work world. one of them asked what i had been up to and i answered her, then she did not respond. i give up!

So if it’s not jealousy and is just that they’re not remotely interested then I guess they won’t mind not being invited to a shorts night screening I’m having with 3 other independent filmmakers. It won’t be anything terribly fancy but I don’t want people there who are negative/disinterested - its f’ing hard enough. And if they’re bored by it all they shouldn’t mind?

Why not ask them and find out?

I didn’t actually ask either of them for feedback - one friend messaged me asking what was keeping me so busy as i hadn’t been around so i responded and sent the video link
That would be unusual to me.
If my friends ask what's kept me busy then my reply would be something like: lesson planning, marking, choral rehearsals, work, DIY etc, not sending them a link to something specific. It does feel a bit in your face.

You're saying you're not shoving it in their faces, but that's exactly what that interaction was.

You do seem to have quite an attitude towards people who are meant to be your friends.

So if it’s not jealousy and is just that they’re not remotely interested then I guess they won’t mind not being invited to a shorts night screening I’m having with 3 other independent filmmakers. It won’t be anything terribly fancy but I don’t want people there who are negative/disinterested - its f’ing hard enough. And if they’re bored by it all they shouldn’t mind?
This is all so bizarre and passive aggressive woe is me.

If a friend said to me "Hi Lola, you know I've been working on a few pieces and I'm showing my art in a pop up studio next weekend. I'd really love it if you could come along if you're free" then I'd probably say "sure thing" and go along for a while because even if it's not my cup of tea, they're my friends and I'd support them.

But if I asked how they were getting on and their response was to send me photos of their artwork in response Vs actually talking then I'd find it a bit unusual and pushy.

If a friend invited me to one of their music concerts then I'd go and support them, but I'd find it a bit much if they decided that because I like music and they like music that they'd send me over recordings of them they've done.

If you want to take the childish drama llama view of "well I'll have my evening and I bet they wouldn't want to come anyway so nerr" approach then great, but it seems a bit angry and stroppy to me.

But if I asked how they were getting on and their response was to send me photos of their artwork in response Vs actually talking then I'd find it a bit unusual and pushy. @lolasmiles.

So to be clear you're saying that if your friend asked you what you'd been up to it's only acceptable to answer in text form (which I did) and that to send any further link is bad etiquette?

I get your point about the evening do though - I am being a bit pathetic there

I still don’t understand why you think they might be jealous of you - odd conclusion to draw- but can understand your frustration about the lack of response. As regards the shorts night (which sounds good), if you’d usually invite them, I would still do so but ask them directly whether it’d be something they’d be interested in. Hopefully they will say yes if they are interested and no if they aren’t, and then life can go on.