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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel offended that we only found out on Facebook?

113 replies

Tawnyoel · 12/10/2019 06:40

DH's 19 year old neice is pregnant. A bit of a shock for family as she is still living at home, but I guess it happens!

We only found out when she announced it on Facebook. Apparently BIL was supposed to contact DH with the news but apparently didn't get around to it.

AIBU to be hurt that we only got to find out by chance on FB or is this the modern way now? Apparently my MIL knew but clearly wasn't able to tell us as it wasn't her news to share

OP posts:

grumpypregnanttired · 12/10/2019 06:44

I announced my child’s birth on social media as I live abroad and couldn’t be bothered with contacting literally every family member while I was taking care of my new baby. I phoned my parents but that was it, I was tired and just wanted to relax and enjoy my baby. Didn’t have the time or the inclination to personally contact anyone else in my family as not particularly close to them. If they didn’t like it, that’s okay. They’re entitled to their own reactions. I am due soon and will do the same for my next baby.

Ponoka7 · 12/10/2019 06:46

How do you know it's a shock for the family, have you spoken to them?

Why hasn't uour DH asked his Brother why he didn't want to tell him face to face?

Normally when people do that it's because they don't want to have to be bothered with any judgement etc.

Quitedrab · 12/10/2019 06:47

Nah don't be hurt. Be.supportive instead!

Butchyrestingface · 12/10/2019 06:47

YABU. And if the pregnancy is a shock, they may have enough on their plate at the moment and simply want to let people know in the simplest way.

FB in general sucks though.

MutedUser · 12/10/2019 06:53

I think most young people announce things like this on social media it’s just a way to tell everyone at the same time. If my daughter or son announced it to me like this I might b upset but a niece I think YABU.

stucknoue · 12/10/2019 06:55

I suspect bil was a little embarrassed to call but nothing wrong with use Facebook anyway

chuttypicks · 12/10/2019 06:55

Wow you're easily offended!! It's not about you. Don't try and make it about you. Stop looking for a reason to be offended and congratulate them and move on.

TheSecretJeven · 12/10/2019 06:56

Surely it's up to your niece to share her news how she wants? I didn't tell my aunts or uncles when i got pregnant and I was much older.

PiggyPlumPie · 12/10/2019 06:56

It's not about you. She's an adult and has chosen to share her news this way.

My niece announced a serious illness on Facebook. I was angry at first but soon calmed down and realised that it was her choice.

Mummaofmytribe · 12/10/2019 06:57

Younger people (God that phrase makes me sound ancient) do this. Don't read anything into it.
Also from my own, long ago experience, some people think they have free rein to make all kinds of comments to teen mothers and their parents. So they may have been avoiding personal announcements to prevent this.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 12/10/2019 06:59

Ah, get over yourself! People are so sensitive about the way they receive news. Are you happy for her or not?

Stuckinanutshell · 12/10/2019 07:00

No. I hate this. Announcing on Facebook before close family and friends know is tacky. It all sounds very dysfunctional that end.

ibanez0815 · 12/10/2019 07:00

gosh, it's DH's niece, not your own daughter. you sound unhinged to be 'hurt' by something as trivial as that.

how on earth do you get through life if things like that cause you pain???

chesterdraws1 · 12/10/2019 07:03

YABU

WaterSheep · 12/10/2019 07:04

Announcing on Facebook before close family and friends know is tacky.

Perhaps the niece's close family and friends already know. Just because the OP is her aunt, doesn't mean that the niece is close to her or her uncle.

pinkyredrose · 12/10/2019 07:04

Wouldn't have taken much for close family to be told would it, I'd be upset too.

Hopoindown31 · 12/10/2019 07:06

Life is too short to waste much energy on this. I'd let it slide.

Jammin5 · 12/10/2019 07:07

Gosh, it’s not about you. It’s not as if she’s your daughter. As a PP stated above, just be supportive.

Minioooons · 12/10/2019 07:08

It was her news to share!

Original poster

Tawnyoel · 12/10/2019 07:09

Ponoka7 I know family are shocked as SIL rang after I congratulated neice about news via Facebook. She told us that BIL was supposed to ring to tell us about news.

Anyway, I see that the general consensus is IABU, so I will take it on board and realise that l am probably somewhat old fashioned. Thank you all for your input.

OP posts:

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 12/10/2019 07:09

I've only told close friends and family so I have family down south that will find out on Facebook that I'm not only pregnant but have had him. The same way I found out that one of my cousins was pregnant when she posted a scan picture on Facebook. Unless it's someone I'm very close to I'd find it odd if they singled me out to tell me separately.
In my case I've not told many people due to a previous pregnancy loss and I like to keep some things a little more private, I don't need to be constantly asked how I'm doing etc. When he's here safe and sound and we have him in our arms I'll share the happy news, he's not a secret after all. If your niece is quite young she may be worried about negative replies individually but more likely than not she sees the announcement as normal which for a younger person it is.

BoomBoomsCousin · 12/10/2019 07:19

Are you particularly close to the niece? I would only expect to hear about my niece or nephew's pregnancy before the rest of Facebook because my MiL would be unable to resist phoning or emailing the second she heard. I didn't tell any of my uncles or aunts I was pregnant before I mentioned it on social media either. It wasn't a slight on them but I don't think I've ever instigated any general news communication with them. We send Christmas greetings and get in touch to arrange meet ups/events, other than that Facebook is probably our main method of communication for just about everything. I would be astonished if they expected news that isn't being kept relatively confidential to be communicated to them in some other way.

Welshrainbow · 12/10/2019 07:19

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I’d be hurt too. I found out my sister was pregnant after it was on Facebook and when they’d had the baby they announced it on Facebook. Apparently I’m unreasonable not to have text my congratulations sooner even though I’m not Facebook so didn’t know. I wasn’t particularly close to my sister but we are less close now.

FreshHorizons · 12/10/2019 07:27

I can’t see that it matters. You can now get in touch.

saraclara · 12/10/2019 07:35

I'd expect family and friend to be told personally, too. Not everyone's on Facebook, so those people being last to know, is wrong.

But in your case OP, it seems accidental. You were supposed to hear earlier but BIL messed up. So it's not the niece's fault. Be annoyed with BIL, not offended at the medium.

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