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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel offended that we only found out on Facebook?

113 replies

Tawnyoel · 12/10/2019 06:40

DH's 19 year old neice is pregnant. A bit of a shock for family as she is still living at home, but I guess it happens!

We only found out when she announced it on Facebook. Apparently BIL was supposed to contact DH with the news but apparently didn't get around to it.

AIBU to be hurt that we only got to find out by chance on FB or is this the modern way now? Apparently my MIL knew but clearly wasn't able to tell us as it wasn't her news to share

OP posts:

saraclara · 13/10/2019 20:41

When my daughter was pregnant, we talked about how and when she wanted people to know. When she was ready, she let me know, and I was able to tell her aunts and uncles (and I think she told the cousins she was close to) while she told her close friends.
THEN she put it on FB.

OhThatsASnazzyBouquet · 13/10/2019 20:45

@contrary13 👏🏻

Maryann1975 · 13/10/2019 20:45

We found out our niece had given birth via Facebook. It would have been nice to have been told before everyone found out, but maybe I’m old fashioned about this kind of thing. Tbh though, she is such an over sharer on fb I’m not surprised she told the world before telling family, we see photos of her child doing literally everything, eating, sleeping, being ill, on the potty when toilet training, new clothes, on the naughty step, on a day out. We see the lot. I used to be far closer to her pre child than now, as I can’t be doing the constant social media presence that comes with seeing her.

LolaSmiles · 13/10/2019 20:48

Sara
That's the norm with people I know too.

We haven't mentioned anything official on social media yet, not because we are keeping it secret so if there are comments about it we don't mind but because the social media announcement isn't really our thing.

But then I think in many years gone by engagements, marriages and baby announcements used to go in the local paper so horses for courses.

I do think it's best for immediate and close family to hear from the couple directly though.

Wafflecopter · 13/10/2019 21:18

I don’t think it’s a big deal if it’s not immediate family, you’ll be told eventually, and it’s her news to share.
Nothing like what my DH did, proposed to me at my birthday party and then announced on Facebook (I’d like to say we were much MUCH younger) which his unsuspecting parents and sister saw.
He hadn’t told them he’d intended to ask me, and we’d never met as they were living in another country.
Now THAT was uncomfortable and I was furious as were they.

AutumnStory · 13/10/2019 22:45

i think it depends how close a family you are but i wouldnt dream of not telling my brothers and sisters if i (or DC) were having a child. then again they ring/whatsapp to see how school reports and things are so depends what kind of family you are. i would find this rude and be upset.

Durgasarrow · 14/10/2019 02:59

You are definitely being oversensitive.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 14/10/2019 03:18

GunpowderGelatine
There's always someone like you that makes the same hateful repetitive comments....
I can even imagine what you look like,lol!!🤣😂

Djimino · 14/10/2019 03:26

Is you husband 'hurt' or doesn't he care that much?

If I were you I wouldn't be hurt or offended.

LellyMcKelly · 14/10/2019 04:47

They have bigger things to worry about than whether they have offended someone by making an announcement of Facebook.

AmIThough · 14/10/2019 05:24

Yep YABU. When I was pregnant I only told parents, grandparents and siblings. Everyone else found out via social media.

When LO was born DP called our parents. They passed the message on.

I couldn't be bothered to contact everyone individually.

shearwater · 14/10/2019 05:31

Immediate family I would expect to tell me important news before it goes on FB, but not uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews and cousins. I would find it odd if they felt they had to call me first.

But at the same time brother/sister is immediate family and I'd have expect your DH's immediate relative to have said something. Some people don't like to let on anything they might see as negative though. My mum talks to her brother all the time but I still find out stuff first about my cousins on FB, then she asks him about it!

thatguiltyfeeling · 14/10/2019 08:45

My partners aunts and uncles were told over text message, bar one who he forgot about. She was very hurt as although she's not as close to the family as the rest she still loves him fiercely.
I only got the joy of telling my sister, my mum guessed and told everyone else. His mum guessed and brought it up the day we were going to tell them all so ruined that as well (she was very bitchy until I told her she was actually right).

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