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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel offended that we only found out on Facebook?

113 replies

Tawnyoel · 12/10/2019 06:40

DH's 19 year old neice is pregnant. A bit of a shock for family as she is still living at home, but I guess it happens!

We only found out when she announced it on Facebook. Apparently BIL was supposed to contact DH with the news but apparently didn't get around to it.

AIBU to be hurt that we only got to find out by chance on FB or is this the modern way now? Apparently my MIL knew but clearly wasn't able to tell us as it wasn't her news to share

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 12/10/2019 09:00

YANBU

I’d be disappointed to find out my niece was pregnant, via Facebook, (but as I don’t ‘do’ Facebook it’s highly unlikely, but substitute for general worldwide announcement).

A niece IS close family.

LL83 · 12/10/2019 09:02

@stayinyourlaneboy I have known my Sils children since they were born they are absolutely close family. As are my uncles and aunts by marriage. Not saying the OP is close family in this circumstance I dont know, but easily could be.

Either way surprise pregnancy is a lot to deal with so I would be supportive not upset about how I found out.

Thatmusicusedtomakemesmile · 12/10/2019 09:06

I would expect to be told with family this close personally, however, cut them some slack, I am sure it will all be ok in the end, but it's not what most people want for their teenager is it

onioncrumble · 12/10/2019 09:07

Any post that uses offended and Facebook in the same line is unreasonable.
Facebook us unreasonable, 19 year Olds are unreasonable and elderly judgy aunts are unreasonable, unless it's 1933 and nobody told me.
How lovely, everyone should have the choice to have children when they young if it's what they want.

Whatafackinliberty · 12/10/2019 09:12

If you’re the type of person to get offended by such small slights I can understand why you weren’t told.

Mermaidtissues · 12/10/2019 09:12

BIL dropped the ball by not contacting you first, your niece probably thought that it was ok to post it as immediate family knew. No need for drama

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/10/2019 09:13

Typical teenage behaviour to share on Facebook rather than real life.

It wouldn’t bother me not being told in person by a niece/nephew.

Marnie76 · 12/10/2019 09:15

I think it depends on your relationship with her. I’m very close to my niece so whilst I would say nothing I would be very hurt.

KUGA · 12/10/2019 09:46

This is the world we now live in.

Boysey45 · 12/10/2019 09:55

YABU, shes a niece, not your own child. Really its nothing to do with you extended family being pregnant.

MintyMabel · 12/10/2019 10:00

A bit of a shock for family as she is still living at home, but I guess it happens!

Not relevant. Why would you mention it?

ScreamingBeans · 12/10/2019 10:15

FGS.

Get a grip.

Seriously, YABVU

Cheeserton · 12/10/2019 10:20

'Offended' indeed... I agree that you should work hard on getting a grip.

Be surprised, sure. Offended? Get over yourself. As an earlier poster said, it's not about you.

Northernparent68 · 12/10/2019 10:21

Op, how often do you see your niece ?

raspberryk · 12/10/2019 10:22

I think Facebook announcements before close relatives are aware are in really poor taste tbh.
My XH and I found out his brother and fiance were engaged via Facebook and we practically lived in the same house.
It stings to think you feel they would be closer to the top of your list than you are on theirs.

Rezie · 12/10/2019 10:23

I think niece is far enough to not be too hurt about not hearing about it in person. I think parents, siblings and grandparents is important to hear in person (assuming the relationship is fine).

cleanasawhistle · 12/10/2019 10:48

My husband found out his own brother was a father by reading the announcement in the local paper.

Worse bit was reading the baby was 2 weeks old and thank you to friends,family and neighbours for gifts, cards and visits.

lljkk · 12/10/2019 10:58

Is a niece a close relative?

My nephew never communicates.
My niece messages (on FBk) once every 2 yrs.
It wouldn't offend me if I only found out adult DC were expecting from FBk. Life is too short for all this offendedness.

One of my cousins never announced his son's birth (in any way). I had to nag my aunt to find out if the baby had been born & was ok.

c75kp0r · 12/10/2019 11:16

You know now - what difference would it have made to your life to know any sooner ?

Original poster
Tawnyoel · 12/10/2019 11:39

To all those who have asked, yes we are a close family. Probably more so as there are so few of us! Have been phoned today by MIL who told us BIL was very upset about the pregnancy. This is no doubt why he didn't want to talk about it. We are all being upbeat and positive so all is well.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 12/10/2019 16:12

A teen pregnancy that young isn’t something to shout about from the rooftops. I come from a culture where girls do marry at 18 but even then their parents wouldn’t really be happy about a pregnancy at that age. It’s possible your DN knows this and the FB post is a giant fuck you to her dad. Suggest your DH call your bil directly.

Sagradafamiliar · 12/10/2019 16:43

She's an adult, a young one but an adult. This wouldn't even be in question if she was 10 years older. There wouldn't be the expectation that her father be sharing her news. As for all the family members ringing each other to gossip about her...I hope your niece has risen about all the cats bum facing.

Original poster
Tawnyoel · 12/10/2019 16:57

Teddybear45 It’s possible your DN knows this and the FB post is a giant fuck you to her dad. Suggest your DH call your bil directly

I think that you have probably hit the nail on the head!

OP posts:
meridaofthefabulousredhair · 12/10/2019 21:33

YABU she is your niece and not your own daughter.

Tessabelle74 · 13/10/2019 17:36

I found out my stepsister was pregnant Facebook, at least as far as she's aware. My stepmum had actually already told us as she was worried about my stepsisters health in the very early stages. It's not a big deal tbh, just move past it and be supportive