Rude comments from customer when pregnant

[Imtootired]

I am now around 32 weeks pregnant so belly is quite noticeable. I work in a supermarket and I’m quite happy to talk about it, for example a lot of older ladies will ask “are you having a baby?” “How far along are you?” “Is this your first?”. I’m getting excited so those sort of questions are actually quite nice and I have worked in the same place for ages I so have a lot of regular customers I talk to a lot. I was working the other day and someone I’d never served before had lots of tins still in the cardboard base. The customer was a nondescript lady, possibly 40-50. I said if you’d like to take the tins like this could you please lift them from the checkout because I can’t lift heavy things at the moment. She said that’s fine and asked if I’m pregnant. I replied yes. Then she asked “are you happy about that?”. I asked what she meant and she asked if it was an accident or planned. I was a bit surprised and said that’s a bit of a personal question. She then said I work in customer service and it’s part of my job to talk to people! I said I’ve never had anyone ask that before and it’s an inappropriate thing to ask. Conservation stopped there but I was still professional, asking if she wanted cash out, gave her receipt etc. I was feeling a bit weird after that. I guess I’m lucky it’s been only one main incident but it’s kind of made me uncomfortable working with the public. Like I said most of my customers are lovely and I’ve only got a few weeks to go before I start my leave so it’s not too bad. I guess I’m asking AIBU to want to work without complete strangers asking about my personal life/family planning/sex life? I would never in a million years ask that of anyone!!!! It seems like she was missing some important social skills. Has anyone had anything similar?

She was very rude! Ignore, some people are just plain odd. I was once told that I couldn’t be called the name on my name badge because “that’s a man’s name in x country”

A "nondescript lady, possibly 40-50". That's not very polite either!

Some people are just awkward and rude.
I was due 1st September and had comments from clients such as ‘better keep your legs crossed encase it comes early, don't want to have the youngest in the year’ and ‘bet you wish you had sex a few weeks later’
Seriously, a lot of August baby discrimination.

Ignore her, relish in the nice comments! (Also - I had an August baby and he’s perfect!)

Rather odd question for her to ask but I cant see the relevance of your description of her.

Some people are fucking weird. When I was pregnant with my first I was standing outside a shop waiting for my friend, anyway some woman walking past pointed at my bump and made a face and said ‘oh what a shame dear.’ At first I was really confused, I looked down thinking maybe I had something on my dress but nope, she meant my bump. I had a couple of other such weirdos ask if my baby was planned. Even if you have those thoughts in your head why would you verbalise them?! Anyway, you’ll probably continue to get the odd ridiculous comment once the baby is here too, just learn to say ‘none of your business’ or ignore completely.

@FuzzyPuffling
Oh FFS how can people describe anyone these days. Maybe we should just say “a living being” rather than try and set the scene at all.

I had the same question from someone when I was pregnant and told them it was rude. I just said “you can’t ask that it’s insulting” asking someone if they had unprotected sex is pretty damn rude.

"I actually fell pregnant at a sex party where I was haveling a massive orgy.. . So I don't even know who the dad is..... Would you like a hand to pack?"

I think it’s a rude question yes but maybe easier to just say ‘we’re very excited about it’ or some generic response to save yourself the agro of more of her rudeness

Not surprised you were taken aback, but she's just one strange person.
Not a big deal.

How rude. Don’t let the one bad comment spoil the usual lovely ones though.

She was very rude and it is absolutely not your job to talk to customers about your private life. Oddball.

rosegoldivy

"A woman" would have sufficed.
OP is unhappy about someone making personal comments (possibly justified) but doesn't see the irony of using a negative personal description on a public forum.

Would it have made a difference to the OP if the woman had been 35 and gorgeous? Or 95 and blind? Doubt it.

@FunOnTheBeach20

Maybe we should just say “a living being” rather than try and set the scene at all.

You'd still get complaints. What significance does it have if the person is alive or dead, or even materially existed?

FFS, threads on Mumsnet need to be written with all the care of preparing a large-scale double-blind medical trial. I honestly don't know how the people who complain about this hold a normal conversation with all the pussy-footing around they must do.

Certainly, if you were in Ireland, older ladies would have had pregnancies they weren't necessarily happy about, but lack of abortion and difficulty obtaining birth control made it inevitable. It's an odder question these days, but a relic of harder times.

Extremely rude question, but you handled it well.

Some people are just weird. I had a colleague ask when I was pregnant if DD2 was planned! I just answered yes, but inwardly wanted to say Well you've made this very awkward. Just ignore and enjoy your lovely baby...planned or not it's happening now

You did handle it well! And you can always turn a question aside with another question, like "Why would you ask that?!"

She was rude, but to keep the peace I would have just said 'very happy thank you' while giving her a slightly WTF face.

Too difficult to just say “yes, I’m over the moon”?

I had a flatmate told me she was pregnant and I said “yay, congratulations” She tore a strip off me for being so insensitive.

There was absolutely no need for your description of her.

I don’t see why OP should have replied along the lines ‘yes happy about it’ to keep the peace, the other woman should NOT have asked the question and OP was right not to answer.

@MintyMabel I witnessed something similar on the tube a few years back in which I was stood behind a pregnant lady waiting for a ticket and she asked the assistance how to go about getting a Baby on Board badge. After answering her, he said "congratulations by the way". She turned about and walked off without acknowledging him.

On the tube she was in my carriage and all she did was bitch to her friend about how presumptious it was that she was happy about it and how rude and difficult she found it because of 'her circumstances' (she didn't say what they were).

I used to work in a soft play and a coworker was due around the same time as me. One customer told us we both looked too young and she should 'smash our heads together'.

Some people are tactless and rude. You must know that?
You responded in the right way so stop worrying about it.

’Maybe we should just say “a living being” rather than try and set the scene at all.’

You'd still get complaints. What significance does it have if the person is alive or dead, or even materially existed?

So true Stop marginalising non-corporeals