Rude comments from customer when pregnant

[Imtootired]

I am now around 32 weeks pregnant so belly is quite noticeable. I work in a supermarket and I’m quite happy to talk about it, for example a lot of older ladies will ask “are you having a baby?” “How far along are you?” “Is this your first?”. I’m getting excited so those sort of questions are actually quite nice and I have worked in the same place for ages I so have a lot of regular customers I talk to a lot. I was working the other day and someone I’d never served before had lots of tins still in the cardboard base. The customer was a nondescript lady, possibly 40-50. I said if you’d like to take the tins like this could you please lift them from the checkout because I can’t lift heavy things at the moment. She said that’s fine and asked if I’m pregnant. I replied yes. Then she asked “are you happy about that?”. I asked what she meant and she asked if it was an accident or planned. I was a bit surprised and said that’s a bit of a personal question. She then said I work in customer service and it’s part of my job to talk to people! I said I’ve never had anyone ask that before and it’s an inappropriate thing to ask. Conservation stopped there but I was still professional, asking if she wanted cash out, gave her receipt etc. I was feeling a bit weird after that. I guess I’m lucky it’s been only one main incident but it’s kind of made me uncomfortable working with the public. Like I said most of my customers are lovely and I’ve only got a few weeks to go before I start my leave so it’s not too bad. I guess I’m asking AIBU to want to work without complete strangers asking about my personal life/family planning/sex life? I would never in a million years ask that of anyone!!!! It seems like she was missing some important social skills. Has anyone had anything similar?

[YouokHun]

As a nondescript woman of 50+ can I just say that thinking back to a time when I was still a valid human being I can distinctly remember that there was nothing like being pregnant for others to assume there are no boundaries. I remember comments like these and I remember one colleague coming over to me and putting his hands on my bump. “How would you feel if I pop over to your desk and give your balls a squeeze?” - he didn’t do it again.

[thecabbageassasin]

You're paid to serve customers in a courteous and respectful manner, your sex life and unborn child have got fuck all to do with anyone else. Some people are just plain weird and even weirder when it comes to their attitude to shop staff.
Hopefully the use of the word 'weird' is not too descriptive and offensive to anyone.

[CantSayJack]

YANBU
Some people are so rude, you did well to hold back.

ItsGoingTibiaK completely agree, you can’t post anything now without posters picking apart your choice of words rather than concentrating on the actual question being asked.

[YouokHun]

I actually fell pregnant at a sex party where I was haveling a massive orgy.. . So I don't even know who the dad is..... Would you like a hand to pack?

@rosegoldivy you and I think alike. This would have given the woman no information but would have let her know she was asking an unreasonable question, without being rude or confrontational.

[HollowTalk]

FFS, threads on Mumsnet need to be written with all the care of preparing a large-scale double-blind medical trial.

Quote of the week

[Potnoodledoo]

A "nondescript lady, possibly 40-50". That's not very polite either!

At least the op said it to us and not to her.Anyway its describing the woman,what she said is 10 times worse

[MereDintofPandiculation]

I wonder how it feels to be pregnant, to not be happy about it, and have everyone assuming you are happy and commenting accordingly?

I remember a colleague of mine telling me she was pregnant and I congratulated her, and she said "No! It's not good!" Her elder child was only a few months old, and despite years of difficulty TTC, she didn't want a second child that close in age. Perhaps in that case "are you happy about that" might have been a more appropriate response.

[Imtootired]

Thank you to everyone for the nice comments. I’m not really upset by it, I just thought about it before I started work today thinking I hope it doesn’t happen again. For everyone upset that I called her “non descript” I don’t really see how that’s so rude on an anonymous internet forum. Basically I just meant that she didn’t stand out to me in any way before I started serving her, eg not over or under dressed. Some customers seem so strange and you can tell there’s a big chance of them being annoying so you really hope they don’t come to your checkout. I meant that I didn’t feel that about this customer. Seems like the people getting worked up about that might have their own personal issues to work through. And for anyone saying I could have just brushed it off and said yes I’m very happy, I think it’s better that she’s told it’s inappropriate!!!!! Yes people can get away with a lot of shit to customer service workers but there has to be some line! Luckily I’m very happy to be having my baby but she could have said it to someone going through a hard time and really upset them

[Topseyt]

I think it was fine to let her know it was inappropriate. Also fine to describe her as non-descript.

Being considered non-descript wouldn't bother me. I prefer not to be the centre of attention and have no particular wish to stand out in a crowd. Not offensive at all unless said directly to her face.

[rollon2020]

I would find that a bit odd and rude, people are strange like that as pp said when it comes to pregnancy

My dad asked me if it was planned.. I was 27 married 2 years and both with stable jobs

When one of the area managers in our company (not mine and I'd only met her once) found out I was expecting she asked me "was it natural?" When I looked very puzzled she clarified "like natural or ivf"
Far too personal!

[PrincessPain]

People are rude fuckers, part and parcel of working with the public. I worked in aldi, and while 30 weeks pregnant and an argument with a customer because I asked her to pack on the packing bench instead of at the till (I hated doing it but it was literally part of my job and I'd be bollocked if I didn't at least try to enforce it).
She replied "I cant do whatever the fuck i want, I don't care if its busy, open another till, it's not my problem, and I don't know who the fuck you think you're talking to, thinking you can tell me what to do".
I stayed polite until she left and then hyper ventilated and cried in the canteen for twenty minutes.
Pregnancy just invites more rude comments (though it shouldn't).
I was shopping during my second pregnancy and someone stopped me and asked if I was pregnant and the said "oh, with 2 you'll soon lose all that weight". Thanks. 😑

[Imtootired]

It can be a tricky subject and I try not to be over sensitive. I think if someone is says they’re pregnant or is very visibly pregnant assuming it’s good news and saying congratulations is fine because presumably they’re going to be having the baby and making the best of it whether it was planned or not.

[Spinzy]

I had a lady in the street ask me whether my baby was an accident! I had an obvious large age gap. Somebody also shouted “haven’t you heard of contraception?” when I was pregnant with my first as I was quite young. People are bloody rude whether you work in customer service or not!

[Spinzy]

Just remembered my own mom asked me whether the baby was planned too! I was married and already had one child. No idea what she was thinking.

[Yummymummy2020]

I think pregnancy brings out the worst in some people and they think anything goes in terms of passing comment, this pregnancy I have already been called fat, a whale and told I’ll have to be air lifted to the hospital(I have got quite a big bump and have gained weight) but why people think it’s appropriate to pass comment on that fact so tactlessly I have no idea😂😂😂 I am very sensitive about it but starting to toughen up as time goes on as I’m confident when baby comes I can do a bit more to rectify the situation😂😂 (not that there is anything wrong with gaining weight, mainly for health purposes for me now I am looking forward to losing some again!) also a manager asked was the baby planned or not which I did feel to be quite invasive as the job was busy at the time and I got an impression it was in a “you could have waited”kind of way😂😂😂😂 the joys of dealing with the public! To be fair, in retail I have had my fair share of odd balls even when I wasn’t pregnant but it certainly seems to attract more rude behaviour as such! I think you handled the situation very well, every time something is said to me I never know what to say so I usually just laugh it off!!

[Tippety]

I got asked this loads, I asked someone why they wanted to know, and they said in honesty pregnancy is boring and it's the only mildly interesting thing to find out As you did just don't respond to it.

[FrivolousPancake]

Good grief society is gone very bloody boring and PC!

Nothing wrong with setting the scene OP, I love descriptive scene setting!

Also I don’t think it’s a big deal her asking were you happy about it, bit odd maybe but that’s life. How boring would it be if we all followed all these ridiculous unwritten rules.

[mumofbun]

There are lots of rude people when you work with the public and definitely you shouldn't just smile and be nice if they've offended you! i once was on my own working in a shop, had been mobbed and was just quickly restocking something. Some guy literally must've waited less than half a minute before shaking his bottle of juice at me and saying "excuse me i'm in a rush" i just said "yes i'm in a rush too" without thinking but he was very apologetic about it after.

I read a good response to the question of if a pregnancy is planned on instagram - are you asking if i was having sex recreationally or procreationally?! hilarious

[Pharlapwasthebest]

Ywnbu Op, she was rude, and you should not have to answer questions like that. Good for you.

[Minai]

Really rude question and you handled it well. I have a small gap between my 2 boys and I get a lot of comments asking if the second one was planned. I am still slightly taken aback when I’m asked this as it’s such a personal question. Some people seem to think pregnancy or babies = fair game to ask whatever you want

[LavendarGreen]

Very rude of her to say this. You shouldn't have to accept this OP.

[LavendarGreen]

@Minai wow that is so rude of them to ask if you second child was planned. Some people have no manners or boundaries!

[newtb]

My sil asked me how it happened. She had 3 dc at has never been the sharpest knife in the box.

After she explained that she thought I'd had ivc.

I was 41 had unprotected sex twice and conceived twice and only the second one became a pregnancy.

If you see her again and she asks, you could always say that Gabriel came down to see you and see how she reacts.

[rainingallday]

YANBU.

[rainingallday]

@Imtootired YANBU. Next time, say 'why on earth would you ask that?' with a kind of look. What a rude cow! Why the fuck does she think she has a right to say anything about you and your pregnancy?!

As a few posters have said, some people take a woman being pregnant as a cue to be a rude ignorant cunt.

I had a myriad of shit thrown at me.

At 7-8 months pregnant: 'Christ you're fucking massive now' (from a male colleague of DH's)

'Rather you than me, been there done that, your life is over now' from a 40 y.o. female colleague who was childfree.

'Your fanny will never be the same again OR your sex life!' from a female colleague of my brother.

'Put on plenty of weight haven't you?' from a neighbour of my parents.

'Why did you go and do something so stupid?' when I told my aunt I was pregnant? (I was late 20s, married 3 years, owned my home, and had been in a well paid job for 9-10 years that I intended to return to.')

And just 2 weeks after I had HAD the baby - a male colleague of my DH's said 'not lost the baby weight then fatty?' (It was TWO fucking weeks since I had given birth.) DH said 'she's only just had the baby you fucking cunt' and glared at him. The bloke said 'oooh touchy much?' and waltzed off.

Also, 'can't wait to see YOU with a baby ha ha!' from a cousin of mine.

I also got a work colleague (on the first week I went back when my firstborn was 4 months old) saying 'pull your socks up, no excuse to be lazy and useless just coz you got a baby. No-one asked you to have it!' I wasn't even being useless and lazy. She just needed an excuse to have a pop at me!

As I said, some people are utter cunts, and think they can say what they like, no matter how hurtful.

I had similar things said to me when I had my second baby.

Funnily enough, I don't recall anything being said to my husband - ever.

Oh and btw OP, ignore the ludicrous comments about you being 'rude' by describing this woman as a 40-50 y.o.. nondescript woman. Some people just LOVE to come across as offended, and cause a stink for fuck-all. The 'professionally offended' they're called!