Rude comments from customer when pregnant

[Imtootired]

I am now around 32 weeks pregnant so belly is quite noticeable. I work in a supermarket and I’m quite happy to talk about it, for example a lot of older ladies will ask “are you having a baby?” “How far along are you?” “Is this your first?”. I’m getting excited so those sort of questions are actually quite nice and I have worked in the same place for ages I so have a lot of regular customers I talk to a lot. I was working the other day and someone I’d never served before had lots of tins still in the cardboard base. The customer was a nondescript lady, possibly 40-50. I said if you’d like to take the tins like this could you please lift them from the checkout because I can’t lift heavy things at the moment. She said that’s fine and asked if I’m pregnant. I replied yes. Then she asked “are you happy about that?”. I asked what she meant and she asked if it was an accident or planned. I was a bit surprised and said that’s a bit of a personal question. She then said I work in customer service and it’s part of my job to talk to people! I said I’ve never had anyone ask that before and it’s an inappropriate thing to ask. Conservation stopped there but I was still professional, asking if she wanted cash out, gave her receipt etc. I was feeling a bit weird after that. I guess I’m lucky it’s been only one main incident but it’s kind of made me uncomfortable working with the public. Like I said most of my customers are lovely and I’ve only got a few weeks to go before I start my leave so it’s not too bad. I guess I’m asking AIBU to want to work without complete strangers asking about my personal life/family planning/sex life? I would never in a million years ask that of anyone!!!! It seems like she was missing some important social skills. Has anyone had anything similar?

[BeerandBiscuits]

You told her you were pregnant and she asked if you were happy about it. Perhaps she thought you looked miserable.
Why the need to ask her what she meant? All you had to say was yes (or no).

[Thegracefuloctopus]

I think some people just don't have a filter. I had an early October baby and my bosses boss asked me if I was pregnant in the April and when I said yes he said "oh good I wasn't sure if you were just big from Christmas still" and a number of people said "ooo you had a good Christmas then". It's hard to not take notice but you really have to shrug it off. I'm sorry she put you in that position

[Serin]

I would assume she had poor social skills, (maybe Asperger's?) and give her the benefit of the doubt on that basis.
If not, then yes, she is just plain rude.

Our local pharmacist is like this, when I asked for a pregnacy test she asked me if a positive would be good news or bad news? in front of a seated queue of people all waiting for prescriptions.
I asked if that was really a necessary question to ask and she said well I can direct you to either folic acid supplements or an abortion service, which is it to be.

[Thegracefuloctopus]

Oh when I was 30 weeks and it was 32degrees outside I had managed to maintain my patience until the 6th week of 30degree heat. A colleague asked how I was coping in the heat and when I said "I'm a bit fed up of it now" another colleague listening to the conversation said "stop moaning, it's your own fault for getting pregnant at this time of year". I politely informed him that wasn't quite how it worked

[NaviSprite]

It’s a weird phenomenon that when a woman is pregnant it’s akin to wearing a sign that flashes, saying “feel free to ask me anything because I no longer have any social boundaries”.

When I was pregnant with my twins I got all sorts of outrageous comments and questions, my favourites (in retrospect at the time I was bloody annoyed) are:

Stranger: “You must be about ready to pop.”
Me: “Nope, Twins and I’m only in the second trimester.”
Stranger: “Oh Twins! Natural or IVF?”
Me:

Stranger 2: “Do they have the same dad?”

“Wow your body will be wrecked forever”, “Just because you’re pregnant with twins doesn’t mean you need to eat for three”, “you’ll have your hands full” (ad nauseum), “bad luck dear, one is bad enough you’ll never sleep again.”

Then of course all of the horror stories of so and so’s cousin twice removed having twins and only one survived.

[bobdylannumber1]

Haven't read any replies I was pregnant with my long awaited son my older son was 13 and I was 36 a new colleague said is it your first I said no son is 13 she started laughing hysterically and said jesus obviously a mistake then. My friend said no a much longed and waited for baby I was gob smacked.

[FlossieF]

I work as a legal professional, and in the latter stages of my second pregnancy took a meeting with a potential new client. Normally we work for corporate clients but this was a yellow pages enquiry from a middle aged couple.

As soon as I walked in to reception to greet them, he said, in a singsong taunting way "oooh - we know what you've been doing". His wife had the decency to look embarrassed and gave him a sharp poke in the ribs!

[Lunafortheloveogod]

37w4d’s sat in the waiting room at our maternity hospital some strange man asked if I was pregnant.. I looked like I had ate a house... I said “no, big dinner” and he sat the entire time giving me a weird look as if I’d just shit on his shoes. I genuinely didn’t want anyone pawing at me while I felt like utter shit between hg, spd and pre eclampsia.

I don’t get the need to poke questions at any pregnant woman about their pregnancy. Sometimes it’s just rude.. and others sarcasm is missed by a mile.

[GreenLeafTurnip]

I wonder what she would have said if you'd replied 'No it's an accident and I'm not happy'!!!!

[Notodontidae]

Probably wasn't the best thing to say, but she may be upset ,maybe because she thought she was goint to become a grandparent, only to find the DD or DIL decided to have a termination. It was a simple question, all you had to say was "Oh yes, and I cant wait" It would have been more interesting to understand why she asked, it could at a push be interpreted as rude, but iv'e heard worse. Best Wishes

[Snipples]

I've been asked a few times if our baby is planned (by colleagues, boss, in-laws and even HR) - it's out second baby and we're happily married in our thirties. It's just something people ask. Yes a bit rude but not that bad.

For what it's worth anytime I hear anyone get all tetchy in reply and say how it's a very personal question etc, I just think "oh it's not planned then" and the question has touched a nerve. Much easier to simply say yes.

[Namelessinseattle]

It's ringing a bell.... I think I might have used this as a standard with people before, to assess did they want to engage. Usually if they said they were pregnant, I can hear myself asking are you happy? They'd say delighted and we'd talk about the loveliness of it. Is it an Irish thing?

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

When I was pg with the twins, I was in the middle of chairing a series of job interviews and popped out to the loo between candidates. The previous candidate and a fellow panel member were also queueing.

A lady came out of one of the stalls, clocked me, made a beeline for me, put her hands on either side of the bump and her face about two inches from mine and hissed "Well I do wonder WHAT YOU'RE HIDING IN THERE". Completely deadpan expression, no smile. Washed hands, left.

There was a short silence and the interview candidate said "Er, that was sort of.... gothic"

Indeed!

[Petrichor11]

Yes she was rude but I honestly would’ve just said “yes very happy” and thought no more about it

[bigshiplittleboat]

I had a reverse scenario today - I was in a shop with DD (age 1), cashier asked me how long I had left until baby no.2 arrives (I'm very visibly pregnant), we chatted for a bit, then she asked if I was having a boy or a girl, I said another girl, and she just said "oh, never mind". I was speechless! I should have challenged her I suppose, it was just so rude!

[Crusytoenail]

You're public property when you're in customer service, apparently. People seem to have forgotten that they're purchasing a service or product and as part of that a person who delivers that service or product in a timely, efficient and polite manner. Too many people think that it buys a piece of your soul too and they can dispense with the usual respect another human being should have a right to.
Being pregnant also seems to have the same effect. Genuinely surprised that you've only had one inappropriate comment tbh because when I was in hospitality and pregnant, it was an almost daily occurance. One of the real good ones was that I bet I wished I'd kept my legs shut, alongside being a bar maid, did I even know who the father was.
I hate people.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

As soon as I walked in to reception to greet them, he said, in a singsong taunting way "oooh - we know what you've been doing".

"Yes, fucking, dear. Perhaps you've heard of it?"


she asked if I was having a boy or a girl, I said another girl, and she just said "oh, never mind"

My next door neighbours, when told I was having a boy, said "Oh your husband must be so pleased". I think I just goggled at them, as we actually had a very marginal preference for a girl, though didn't really care.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

YABU to title the thread ‘Rude comments when pregnant’, as if pregnancy somehow should protect you. Rudeness is rudeness whether you’re pregnant or not. It doesn’t make Rebekah Vardy a special case and it doesn’t do the same for anyone else.

[Doozy1991]

I was 19 when I had my 1st but looked around 15... I was on a bus back from work when I was asked by an older lady if I knew who the father was... I've never been more lost for words, a man who was stood infront of us actually started going crazy at her on my behalf and I just sat there dumbstruck 😅

People are odd!!

[Bracknellite]

If anyone asks you if it was planned, you should reply “Actually, it was an accident, I tripped and fell onto a ejaculating man”

[Bluntness100]

Well. No op, not everyone does make the best of it. Many babies are adopted at birth and the mother knows it will happen.

[Imtootired]

Wow some of these comments and questions people have received are crazy. I can’t believe the pharmacist @Serin! I’ve had a few other minor comments that left me feeling not the best. A few times people asked how old my son is and when I say 10 they make a face and say something like big age gap. Whereas if someone had told me that I’d always try to make a nice comment like “I bet he’s excited” or “you’ll have a good helper”, the same way if someone was having two very close together I’d say “they’re going to be so cute playing together”. I realise you can’t control everyone’s reactions around you though and some people just don’t think. And yes probably people who’s baby wasn’t planned will find the question more uncomfortable but from the replies it seems a lot of people think it’s inappropriate to ask whether baby was planned or not.

[Countryescape]

Very rude of her

[Boristhecats]

I went to get a test once from Sainsbury’s. The girl at the counter asked me if this was good news or bad . I had to buy a test the next month. Different till lady and she asked me the same question. Why was that something they felt they could ask

[Tobebythesea]

I found when I was pregnant, people think you are public property. I got asked that surprisingly often including from my boss.