Rude comments from customer when pregnant

[Imtootired]

I am now around 32 weeks pregnant so belly is quite noticeable. I work in a supermarket and I’m quite happy to talk about it, for example a lot of older ladies will ask “are you having a baby?” “How far along are you?” “Is this your first?”. I’m getting excited so those sort of questions are actually quite nice and I have worked in the same place for ages I so have a lot of regular customers I talk to a lot. I was working the other day and someone I’d never served before had lots of tins still in the cardboard base. The customer was a nondescript lady, possibly 40-50. I said if you’d like to take the tins like this could you please lift them from the checkout because I can’t lift heavy things at the moment. She said that’s fine and asked if I’m pregnant. I replied yes. Then she asked “are you happy about that?”. I asked what she meant and she asked if it was an accident or planned. I was a bit surprised and said that’s a bit of a personal question. She then said I work in customer service and it’s part of my job to talk to people! I said I’ve never had anyone ask that before and it’s an inappropriate thing to ask. Conservation stopped there but I was still professional, asking if she wanted cash out, gave her receipt etc. I was feeling a bit weird after that. I guess I’m lucky it’s been only one main incident but it’s kind of made me uncomfortable working with the public. Like I said most of my customers are lovely and I’ve only got a few weeks to go before I start my leave so it’s not too bad. I guess I’m asking AIBU to want to work without complete strangers asking about my personal life/family planning/sex life? I would never in a million years ask that of anyone!!!! It seems like she was missing some important social skills. Has anyone had anything similar?

[Newmumatlast]

Personally I find it rude. I've heard of lots of friends have rude and inappropriate things said to them and I'd always call it out if I overheard it but never have. That said, during my pregnancy though I didnt experience the level of crap alot of people seem to I did have one instance where a man, seeing me typing away on my laptop in a cafe, told me that I should be at the gym not spending my time on my laptop. I just laughed and said I'd already been that morning thanks (which was true and shut him up). But to be honest I'm not sure what his comment was all about. I was very obviously pregnant. I'm not sure if he was making a fat comment or if it was a youth of today type comment I.e. I'm wasting a sunny day on my laptop judgement thing. Either way I was actually working, as I'm self employed, on a well paid project and though pregnant was going to the gym at least 5 times a week at that point. Very odd.

[biggles50]

Weird question to ask you maybe you could have said "and was your mother happy about you?"

[MarkinTime]

Sorry. I don't think your nondescript description is insulting OP, is what I meant to type.

[MarkinTime]

Some people are rude to anyone, but pregnancy seems to bring out the worse.
When I was pregnant with my youngest, I was shopping in my local town with my toddler, when a young woman, around 17 years old, actually shouted to me " should have taken it up the arse instead luv " to her mates amusement.
Fortunately for her, busy traffic stopped me following her across the road and punching her teeth down her throat.

I don't think your description is nondescript OP.
I'm a nondescript 50 odd year old woman myself.

[Hederex]

When I was pregnant with my twins so many people said to me 'You're massive! You sure it's not twins?'
When I said it was, they were invariably surprised.
Why tell someone they look like they're having two if you don't think they are?
Best was the woman in the post office who said 'God, if I was having twins I'd literally top myself'.
Though that still doesn't beat the woman who, seeing my twins in their completely separate seats in a double buggy, asked 'Are they Siamese?'

[Butchyrestingface]

I find the “nondescript” description a touch too. Am having difficulty imagining a teenager or 20 something being described in such a way.

That said, she was rude and inappropriate. I like @rosegoldivy’s suggested response but probably a bit much if you value your job.

[kennyjenny]

I really don't think it's anything to get worked up over, I'm a very open book so if someone asked me I would have just said yes I'm very happy thank you. I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought, maybe that's because I worked in retail for years so used to personal questions.

Its a very odd question to ask a stranger you just wouldn't. But I remember my mum used to say my brother was an accident and it's been a running joke. He's not loved any less. I think it would be a question you would ask close friend or family.

[Nondescriptname]

The word nondescript isn't an insult.

It certainly isn't.

[Sux2buthen]

If OP had said 'a woman' people would have been asking 'how old? Do you think she might have signs of dementia?'

Describing someone isn't an insult. The word nondescript isn't an insult.

[Juells]

HRTFT but this puzzled me: I said if you’d like to take the tins like this could you please lift them from the checkout because I can’t lift heavy things at the moment.

I've never seen a till operator lifting things for a customer. They sit behind the till and scoot stuff along. What am I not understanding?

[Biggles398]

No, it might not have been polite, but I had plenty of people (friends and family) that asked if my pregnancy was planned! Some people just don't have a filter I'm afraid

[Tobebythesea]

I found when I was pregnant, people think you are public property. I got asked that surprisingly often including from my boss.

[Boristhecats]

I went to get a test once from Sainsbury’s. The girl at the counter asked me if this was good news or bad . I had to buy a test the next month. Different till lady and she asked me the same question. Why was that something they felt they could ask

[Countryescape]

Very rude of her

[Imtootired]

Wow some of these comments and questions people have received are crazy. I can’t believe the pharmacist @Serin! I’ve had a few other minor comments that left me feeling not the best. A few times people asked how old my son is and when I say 10 they make a face and say something like big age gap. Whereas if someone had told me that I’d always try to make a nice comment like “I bet he’s excited” or “you’ll have a good helper”, the same way if someone was having two very close together I’d say “they’re going to be so cute playing together”. I realise you can’t control everyone’s reactions around you though and some people just don’t think. And yes probably people who’s baby wasn’t planned will find the question more uncomfortable but from the replies it seems a lot of people think it’s inappropriate to ask whether baby was planned or not.

[Bluntness100]

Well. No op, not everyone does make the best of it. Many babies are adopted at birth and the mother knows it will happen.

[Bracknellite]

If anyone asks you if it was planned, you should reply “Actually, it was an accident, I tripped and fell onto a ejaculating man”

[Doozy1991]

I was 19 when I had my 1st but looked around 15... I was on a bus back from work when I was asked by an older lady if I knew who the father was... I've never been more lost for words, a man who was stood infront of us actually started going crazy at her on my behalf and I just sat there dumbstruck 😅

People are odd!!

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

YABU to title the thread ‘Rude comments when pregnant’, as if pregnancy somehow should protect you. Rudeness is rudeness whether you’re pregnant or not. It doesn’t make Rebekah Vardy a special case and it doesn’t do the same for anyone else.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

As soon as I walked in to reception to greet them, he said, in a singsong taunting way "oooh - we know what you've been doing".

"Yes, fucking, dear. Perhaps you've heard of it?"


she asked if I was having a boy or a girl, I said another girl, and she just said "oh, never mind"

My next door neighbours, when told I was having a boy, said "Oh your husband must be so pleased". I think I just goggled at them, as we actually had a very marginal preference for a girl, though didn't really care.

[Crusytoenail]

You're public property when you're in customer service, apparently. People seem to have forgotten that they're purchasing a service or product and as part of that a person who delivers that service or product in a timely, efficient and polite manner. Too many people think that it buys a piece of your soul too and they can dispense with the usual respect another human being should have a right to.
Being pregnant also seems to have the same effect. Genuinely surprised that you've only had one inappropriate comment tbh because when I was in hospitality and pregnant, it was an almost daily occurance. One of the real good ones was that I bet I wished I'd kept my legs shut, alongside being a bar maid, did I even know who the father was.
I hate people.

[bigshiplittleboat]

I had a reverse scenario today - I was in a shop with DD (age 1), cashier asked me how long I had left until baby no.2 arrives (I'm very visibly pregnant), we chatted for a bit, then she asked if I was having a boy or a girl, I said another girl, and she just said "oh, never mind". I was speechless! I should have challenged her I suppose, it was just so rude!

[Petrichor11]

Yes she was rude but I honestly would’ve just said “yes very happy” and thought no more about it

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

When I was pg with the twins, I was in the middle of chairing a series of job interviews and popped out to the loo between candidates. The previous candidate and a fellow panel member were also queueing.

A lady came out of one of the stalls, clocked me, made a beeline for me, put her hands on either side of the bump and her face about two inches from mine and hissed "Well I do wonder WHAT YOU'RE HIDING IN THERE". Completely deadpan expression, no smile. Washed hands, left.

There was a short silence and the interview candidate said "Er, that was sort of.... gothic"

Indeed!

[Namelessinseattle]

It's ringing a bell.... I think I might have used this as a standard with people before, to assess did they want to engage. Usually if they said they were pregnant, I can hear myself asking are you happy? They'd say delighted and we'd talk about the loveliness of it. Is it an Irish thing?