To officially complain about this family

[Judgybitch]

Hi, i have name changed because i fear a flaming (hence name:))

I have been attending a baby group for the last 3/4 months or so and have now decided to stop going because of one mother and her son. This boy is the oldest child who attends and is about 3 and a half. He is very rough and every single week that goes by i have seen him deliberately hurt and been unkind to the younger children. This includes sitting on them, pushing things over onto them, snatching, invading space, running very quickly and literally taking them out with low toys at knee/shin height etc etc. you get the idea.

No particular child is targeted it just seems to be a general disregard for and enjoyment of getting into other's space and is his way of interacting with others. He has jumped onto adults (including me) and put his arms around their neck in a huggy way but rough enough to be very startling as it can feel like choking. He has hurt my son several times and today left him in tears and afraid of further interaction which is the final straw, i won't be returning.

Obviously i'm not a big enough bitch to blame a 3 year old for their behaviour and i only illustrate the above to show how serious this is. His mother very often leaves him to his own devices, not even looking and any discipline is rather...halfhearted, consisting of shouting 'Bobby NO!' or just odd. like making him go and apologize by 'hugging' the child that was hurt so basically this boy could do whatever he wanted and the only consequence was occasionally being made to hug another child.

I don't know how other mothers feel about this but after my son was hurt he didn't want this lad anywhere near him and the hugging (done before i could stop him) just made him more upset.

I have tried making very gentle suggestions to the mother and being helpful i.e. 'just to let you know bobby has done this' or 'please don't let him hug my son' but she will literally blank me and walk off. The staff actually do far more disciplining.

Anyway, i'm having a rant now. Obviously i'm not going back but i was pissed off enough when i was leaving yesterday to want to complain to the staff. Today i am calmer and thinking would it even do any good?

I doubt they would stop this family from coming so would complaining even be worth the time? The thing is i am the third mother i know who has stopped going for this specific reason and there must be many more. the group is unusually quiet compared to others in the same building at similar times so i have my suspicions.

I admit im judging the fuck out of her but not sure if i should do anything else or at least let the staff know why i won't be returning. This is a paid group so will effect their income.

Or this poor child could be sen and poor mum is at there whits end and doesn't have the emotional energy to do more. Maybe she needs this time as her only break but yes go ahead and judge

oh please. So every one should bow down to this mother and child because their needs are greater than everyone elses. tiny children should be hit or pushed and we must just accept it because that mother might need a break. No, not acceptable and you need to leave.

Agreeing with pp that this isn't about the child but the parent, in this case the mum, needing to step up and parent or ask for help.

We had similar in a group. It was 100% down to the parents. She was a girl and they very obviously now had their Golden Child boy baby. They'd dump her in a corner, no interaction and no acknowledging when she called, just fawned over the baby, chatting or gushing over how great he was and his development to others and taking selfies. The little girl would hurt other kids, pushed one off a slide eventually so mum was banned. Sad thing was as my dc were tiny at the time, and my friend's too, she'd come to us and others playing with their tiny dc for attention. She was lovely if she just had 2 minutes attention. If her mum had just given her that then she wouldn't have hurt the lone children, it was obvious for attention as i saw her watching her mum once as she did it.

They’ll go out of business if people keep dropping out

there was no way I could follow him around and prevent him doing that. Yes, he has SEN. No, telling him to stop didn’t help.

so you just didn't intervene and blanked people instead

I think that child was in school jumbojelly.

those other parents were adults, they were extremely unpleasant, and they did not respect the legal obligation to accept SEN in the community, including through inclusive mainstream education. Yes, I judge them for that, because they were out of order.

the school and community also has a legal obligation to ensure the well being of other children, their rights to attend school without being hurt and without fear of being hurt, your childs rights are not more or less important. When your child is being constantly hurt by another child, is frightened and upset going to school, as a parent you do what you can to make that stop. Hard as it is you have to look at both sides of the situation, imagine your child was the one being constantly hurt

OP I would absolutely tell the organisers why you will no longer be attending the group