Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

[FieldsOf]

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe.

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

• Incredibly selfish
• Dangerous
• Dishonest
• Bit weird
• Generally just pretty grim?

@StillCoughingandLaughing

The pole isn’t solid metal, whereas a wooden table is solid, but it’s all by the by - a head injury is a head injury, and would be examined and treated as such.

“ Whenever I hear a woman use the word "vanilla" I always think, she's not a feminist.”
Yep. Ditto “pearl clutching”.

Since we can assume the OP hasn't been to one of these 'parties' how does she actually know that the men sit around 'leering'? My friend has a pole in her spare room and yes when she has people round for drinks the girls who do pole fitness usually have a go. The Men might stick their heads round the door, often they'll try a couple of moves for a laugh, but mostly their in another room drinking beer and talking football, because pole fitness isn't remotely sexy.

It sounds as though the op hasn't been to one of these pole parties. Lessthwir wives are gymnasts or dancers it us going to be more the comedy if errors than a sex show. I suspect it us more the men talking about sport and internal combustion engines while their other halves have a laugh

Since we can assume the OP hasn't been to one of these 'parties' how does she actually know that the men sit around 'leering'?

That's exactly what I was thinking, if you've never been, how would you know lol?!
Sounds like a lot of speculating, judging and projection coming from the OP.
Sounds a bit of a daft place to put one anyway, I'd have thought a spare bedroom would be better and more out of the way!
(Not that I'd have one myself, mind you but each to their own)
All those hoiking and moaning about them - have you actually had a go on one of them?
I have years ago, only as a laugh mind you when they had one in a local nightclub.
They're incredibly hard work, I'm well impressed by anyone who can do any kind of routine or even climb the thing, the most i could do was swing round with one arm at the bottom like a total muppet

I just googled local pole dancing classes, and the closest gym that runs them illustrates the class with a photo of an oiled-up

Oiled up for a pole?!
Sorry but that made me lol, that sounds like a recipe for disaster if so
Dances round
Climbs up
Wheee
Bonk

(sorry)

“Oiled up for a pole?!
Sorry but that made me lol, that sounds like a recipe for disaster if so“
Agreed. So why have that sort of picture advertising it? You make the point excellently.

@00100001

Uh no, a pole in the middle of the room is no the same as getting a new coffee table. A small child running around will see a table in their way, but a narrow pole in the middle of a floor area is asking for trouble. Plus, it’s completely unnecessary. As I said, common sense. You don’t leave knives living about the house, or leave your kids alone in the bath? Or if your new table has sharp corners, would you not put padding on?

Risk is probability x consequence: the probability of a small child running into a pole is quite high, and the consequence can be quite nasty due to head injury. Every parent makes their own risk assessment, and it’s clear these people chose to prioritise their own tacky taste and wishes.

I never said anything about kids being abused, but just that they shouldn’t be surprised that their child ran into it. They know they were in the wrong, hence the lies to the doctors at A&E.

Agreed. So why have that sort of picture advertising it? You make the point excellently

Meh, still can't get worked up about it even if they did have an oiled up looking woman for the advert.
If people enjoy doing it for exercising, know it can be seen as "sexy" and they're happy with it, that's up to them.
Ditto for any blokes who like to watch pole dancing.

@0lapislazuli "Uh no, a pole in the middle of the room is no the same as getting a new coffee table. A small child running around will see a table in their way, but a narrow pole in the middle of a floor area is asking for trouble"

Oh of course, because no child ever bumped into a coffee table

The risk of a child running into a metal pole is EXACTLY the same as them running into something like door frame.

I have no idea why you think that this pole will be intrinsically more dangerous than say.. a pole supporting a breakfast bar...

0lapislazuli when DS was a toddler we had a metal pole in our kitchen.....it was holding up a spiral staircase but it was a metal pole all the same. Is that more or less dangerous than the pole in the OP?

Everyone knows that SEX POLES are more dangerous than regular poles, @Benes. 😉

My friend has been pole dancing for about 15 years.

No one is getting on one of those things without a lot of practice and managing to look even slightly sexy

The men are probably trying not to laugh rather than saving images of each other's wives for their wank bank

It doesn't really sound like something parents would do to be honest. I wonder what they'll say when an HV or something comes round and they've got this massive metal pole right in the middle of their living room 🤔.

No it's not the same as a coffee table! You can move a coffee table out of the way but you obviously can't move that pole easily!

Some people need judged for being absolute twats to be honest.

“It doesn't really sound like something parents would do to be honest. I wonder what they'll say when an HV or something comes round and they've got this massive metal pole right in the middle of their living room.”

They’ll say, “It’s for exercise.”, while not giving a toss about the H.V’s opinion as it’s none of their business.

I lifted weights at the gym this morning. Tonight I will have a couple of drinks, half term here. It would never occur to me that a friend coming over for a drink would want a shot on my exercise equipment. Let's stop pretending that a pole is for purely fitness purposes in the same way an exercise machine might be.

"Let's stop pretending that a pole is for purely fitness purposes in the same way an exercise machine might be."

Even if its sole purpose was for sex.... So what???

“ Even if its sole purpose was for sex.... So what???”
Because it’s the sort of sex that commodifies and exploits women. And because people are pretending (and convincing some people) that it is something else.

If its sole purpose was for sex, it should be in your bedroom along with your sex swing and your lubricant, not in the middle of the room where your dc play.

It ie meant to be great for exercise and does require a lot of core strength. Having it placed in the living room is odd though and an accident waiting to happen. The idea of husbands and partners watching is seedy at best unless they are having a go themselves which they might be.

I think thos friendship has followed its course and come to a natural end. Just minimise contact and let it faze out.

@SerenDippitty, that video is an ad, created by someone who makes a living from selling the idea that pole dancing can get you a body like that. It still looks nothing like what I watched Simone Biles doing on vault/beam/floor yesterday.

So what if it is an advert, that has nothing to do with my point that that kind of pole dancing is not titillating or sexy or objectifying.

It’s nobody else’s business regardless of whether the pole is for exercise or a sex dance.

I have a bed at home. I sleep in it most nights, and I also use it for having sex quite regularly. I assume friends will not get judgemental about this or post on social media about what a wicked woman l am. So why the fuss about a pole?

I used to bump into the corner of the dining table quite regularly as a kid. I live to tell the tale!

This thread is sad

We obviously need feminism more than ever

Has everyone passed over the comment upthread by the poster who said she went to attend a pole dancing class and was advised to turn up for the first one in "miniskirts and highheels"

How empowering

And at being called a vanilla pearl clutcher, yes of course, that's why I know what the men are likely thinking, you're all living in a bubble if you think the blokes aren't delighted with these 'exercise classes'

Huns netmums is calling and wants you back

There used to be a pole dancing club in Birmingham called Legs 11 it was closed down because the owners were money laundering. I know someone who went there and he said a lot of the young women were on cocaine because it was the only way they could stand letting the old men touch them during a private dance ... very sad that they were so desperate for money they had to do something they hated.