Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

[FieldsOf]

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe.

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

• Incredibly selfish
• Dangerous
• Dishonest
• Bit weird
• Generally just pretty grim?

I’m struggling to get my head round what’s tacky about putting a (temporary,because they mostly are) apparatus up to practice what you’ve been taught in a class. It’s not used as a status thing. It’s no different to puts a pull up bar on the door.

I'd be a bit "surprised" to see a pole in the middle of the room. I'd also be worried it's there to hold the ceiling up.
Weird party where men drink beer and watch women exercising.
Pole dancers are awesome athletes by the way. You have to be very strong to do it.

Odd that they have parties where men watch women 'exercising
I find the party thing odd too, which is why I think OP has let her imagination run wild with that one.

Odd to put an item of exercise equipment right in the middle of a living room. Odd that they have parties where men watch women 'exercising'

Yeah. If it was clinical barre I wonder if the husband would have been so keen to have had the bar installed given that this form of exercise isn't also, in some circumstances, a form of wank fodder.

I think it’s pretty grim for women to contribute to the growing “pornification” of society and normalisation of women as sexual commodities, frankly.

Agreed. And the eyelid-batting disingenuousness of the people wittering about the strength and athleticism required for pole dancing, as though it were exactly the same as judo or what the gymnast Simone Biles does in a floor routine, rather than something that emerges from strip clubs, would be amusing if it weren't so depressing.

I just googled local pole dancing classes, and the closest gym that runs them illustrates the class with a photo of an oiled-up, fake-tanned woman in a sexual pose wearing a bra top and tiny cutaway shorts. The closest dance studio that offers them offers hen party burlesque and pole dancing sessions alongside 'regular' pole classes, says it will teach you 'sassy moves' and says 'heels are not necessary'.

Really, it's just like a sweaty Zumba class or erging.

oiled-up LOL she sure as hell won’t be oiled up for pole trust me

It’s not to everyone’s tastes, but it’s unnecessary to be so shitty about it. It’s popularity is growing. The judgment isn’t going to eradicate it. People are now taking it up after seeing Hustlers and the recent Australia’s got talent.

If it’s not for some, then fine. But slagging women off isn’t okay. If someone is confident to wear a bra top and tiny shorts, so what? Good on her for not giving a shit and being proud of her body. That’s my job, that’s what I wear now, and I’ll defend a woman’s choice to wear what she likes whatever shape she is.

You might not be seen dead like that, and that’s okay too.

It’s one thing to judge a women on mumsnet for causing emotional pain to another person, relationships etc but to judge someone’s choice of hobby? It isn’t hurting anyone (unless you’re daft enough to leave the pole unattended with children, then I have issues!)

Whether Ann in this case is practicing her ungraceful climbs and beginner spins or channeling her inner stripper, who cares. It’s her business. She’s doing something she loves and doesn’t give a shit about the vanilla pearl clutchers.

I’m disturbed as to how many of you haven’t thought about the kid in all this. Running headfirst into wood is VERY different to running head first into metal! And the fact that she lied is disgraceful! If she had at least said, metal railing then the drs may have treated the child differently. Absolutely disgusted!

“ She’s doing something she loves and doesn’t give a shit about the vanilla pearl clutchers.”

Love the idea that anyone who cares about the perception of women in society and doesn’t buy into the “sleaze is empowering” narrative is a “vanilla pearl clutcher”. Nothing judgemental there!

But there are kids pole classes out there in studios.
Grimmer.

You managed to leave your mind in the gutter while you sit their on your high horse though?

oiled-up LOL she sure as hell won’t be oiled up for pole trust me

Yes, I'm able to read, and read the instructions about what to wear and not to wear body lotion before a class, but that actually makes it all the more pernicious that, despite this, the illustration on the Pole Fitness classes page was an image of an oiled-up woman shot in a pose that could easily have doubled as an ad for a strip club -- and this wasn't dissimilar to the other two local gyms/dance studios that offer pole classes locally.

I have no issue with anyone else's body confidence and if women want to get off on their own objectification I can feel for the fact that their sense of themselves has been defined by a culture that commodifies women, but to pretend that pole dancing is just another keep fit method is disingenuous.

But slagging women off isn’t okay.

What on earth gave you this idea? Criticising anyone's choice, male or female, is permissible, especially when it contributes to a culture where women are still commodified, but in which some women are, depressingly, terribly invested in being ok with that.

Love the idea that anyone who cares about the perception of women in society and doesn’t buy into the “sleaze is empowering” narrative is a “vanilla pearl clutcher”. Nothing judgemental there

Absolutely. Seems the only way to be acceptably empowered and/or 'not vanilla' these days is to porn-up, kneel, suck and swallow....

Grimmer Jeez, where’s your mind at. Can’t imagine what you think they do

the illustration on the Pole Fitness classes page was an image of an oiled-up woman shot in a pose that could easily have doubled as an ad for a strip club -- and this wasn't dissimilar to the other two local gyms/dance studios that offer pole classes locally
And?

but to pretend that pole dancing is just another keep fit method is disingenuous
No ones pretending. It is.

But slagging women off isn’t okay
You seemed to have been invested in what this women was wearing, her choice in cosmetic. Who cares?

especially when it contributes to a culture where women are still commodified
Just.... LOL.

I have no issue with anyone else's body confidence and if women want to get off on their own objectification I can feel for the fact that their sense of themselves has been defined by a culture that commodifies women, but to pretend that pole dancing is just another keep fit method is disingenuous

Have a look at this video that I posted earlier and tell me exactly why you think it is any more titillating than a gymnast’s floor or beam routine?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=rCRP-5om_3Y

@0lapislazuli

"Ever heard of baby proofing a house? This applies to items that kids might hurt themselves on. It would include things like sharp corners on a table and, I don’t know, perhaps a hard metal pole in the MIDDLE of the front room? It’s called common sense to understand what might not be a good idea to have around with little kids"

OK, to totally baby proof a house.... you would need to remove ALL of the following that has potential to hurt a child:

All hard furnishings - including dining tables, coffee tables, chairs, sideboards, cupboard, bookshelves, bed frames, doors, appliances.

Anything that may pose a burning danger: light bulbs, irons, ovens, fire, radiators, hot water taps, kettles, pots and pans that could possibly be filled with water...

Anything else that poses a risk:

• all water must be removed form your house in case of drowning.
• rugs and mats, pose a trip hazard
• steps and stairs, - as their is risk of tripping and/or falling
• remove electricity in case your child gets a shock.
• remove all chocking hazards - no small toys, no small food, no small objects of any kind

-remove all medication - in case of accidental overdose...

...etc

Having a pole up in a room poses the SAME risk to any person bumping into it as ANY new item in a room. If i just randomly put a side table into your room, chances are you would bump into it because you automatically move around known obstacles, and anything new causes bumps to happen.

People on this thread are fucking insane - assuming that by having a metal pole in one room, a child has somehow been abused, by way of exposure to "grim" practices, witnessing orgies, depraved sexual behaviour, altering their perception of healthy adult relationships...

If someone said "Oh I bought a new coffee table for my lounge, I have my friends round and we play games whilst our fellas watch and have a laugh. My little one fell over and bumped his head on this... what should I do?"

Would anyone be sitting there going "REMOVE THE NEW COFFEE TABLE IMMEDIATELY!! THAT'S GRIM. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. WHAT KIND OF DEPRAVED BEHAVIOUR IS YOUR CHILD EXPOSED TO???"

No, they'd say something like "Kids bump into things, don't sweat it. My child fell face first on the concrete... Hope he's OK now"

Grimmer
Jeez, where’s your mind at. Can’t imagine what you think they do
I can imagine exactly what they do; a toned down version of what the women do. It’s still grooming them to be strippers!
The parents must be bloody stupid, or perhaps they’d say, “I’m so proud of our Tiffany. Stripping in Vegas, don’t you know!! Gets great tips for lap dancing sleazy men. We’re so glad we invested in her future!”

Whether Ann in this case is practicing her ungraceful climbs and beginner spins or channeling her inner stripper, who cares. It’s her business. She’s doing something she loves and doesn’t give a shit about the vanilla pearl clutchers.

Tbh I don’t think Ann’s doing anything as I doubt she even exists.

Absolutely. Seems the only way to be acceptably empowered and/or 'not vanilla' these days is to porn-up, kneel, suck and swallow....

You're forgetting the carotid artery, @YetAnotherSpartacus.

Yes, they are, @AutoAnswer -- half of this thread has been about how putting a pole in the middle of your living room and throwing pole dancing parties for your female friends while their husbands sit around drinking beer and watching is as humdrum as a Tupperware party, and similar to keep an exercise bike in the corner.

@SerenDippitty, that video is an ad, created by someone who makes a living from selling the idea that pole dancing can get you a body like that. It still looks nothing like what I watched Simone Biles doing on vault/beam/floor yesterday.

Live and let live!

Children do have accidents.

You’re being very judgemental, although I suspect this post isn’t real.

Fiacla - I wasn't game to go anywhere near the Carotoid artery. I'm not empowered enough and I'm also squeamish.

Tbh I don’t think Ann’s doing anything as I doubt she even exists.

Oh, I'm certainly not imagining for one second that Ann and her pole dancing friends and their leery husbands, or the poor bruised toddler, are real.

Though, amusingly, I'm not getting lots of ads for where to buy poledancing poles. How strange that one of the most popular brands is called Lil Minx.

@CuriousaboutSamphire. - Men just can't let it go, even when it is their own wives.

Yeah, god forbid a man finds his wife sexy.

@mammylamb I'd come to watch you as you sound like a good laugh
Whenever I hear a woman use the word "vanilla" I always think, she's not a feminist.
Unless ordering an ice cream obv.

🤣

🙄

Whenever I hear a woman use the word "vanilla" I always think, she's not a feminist. Unless ordering an ice cream obv.