To think the carotid artery is not a porn prop.

[SmileEachDay]

This from Twitter today.

link to the Tweet

@gingersausage Because I'm a stepfather with zero parenting experience who, having landed on Mumsnet when looking for advice on a particular subject, stumbled across AIBU and actually enjoy reading and contributing to it.

Does it not all boil down to one thing?

Teaching out younger generations about CONSENT, BOUNDARIES AND RESPECT.

Teaching young people porn isn't typical sex. That things like choking and anal can be enjoyed but only if both parties want to be envolved with the same amount of enthusiasm.
Teaching about safe sex practices and not putting pressure on a partner to do things they don't want.
Open and Frank discussion.

And they ability to say NO. THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME COMFORTABLE.

Women are not monsters or letting the side down if they enjoy being choked. It's a mental and physical sexual response that some enjoy.

The importance of teaching about consent and communication first is so, so important.

@SBD1 that's just so desperately sad. :(

@boreofwhabylon

I've already said he doesn't choke me. Hand on neck, slight pressure. That's all.

But PBo83 do you not feel that engaging in a practice that could result in death or serious injury, just because she said she likes it, is irresponsible?Given that there’s no way to strangle someone safely, is your enjoyment not diminished by the thought that you could be directly responsible for her death, or her spending the rest of her life with a debilitating brain injury? Personally I couldn’t do that, no matter how much the other person wanted it, because I wouldn’t want it on my conscience for the rest of my life if it went wrong. Please explain your thought process here, and how you would feel if it went wrong?

Also, if your mum, or a similar person you cared about deeply but who you weren’t sexually involved with asked you to punch them in the face as hard as you can, because they really enjoyed being punched hard in the face, would you do it? If not, why not? What is the difference between that and strangling a sexual partner who asked you to?

There's an "ah, but do other people enjoy it?" joke in there that's a bit meta given the subject of this thread.

Learn to read the room.

PBo83

Can I get that answer now?

There is no safe with this. All sorts of BDSM and other sexual activities can be made safe, or risks reduced significantly. This can't. And the risk is not a broken bone or even a strained ligament or something, which could potentially give you a bit of trouble for many years.

Come and shadow me at work for a day or two, on the wards for intensive care, stroke, neurology, cardiothoracic surgery. Really look at what you're risking. I guess there probably are ENT and cardiac surgeons who do this because people are unfathomable. But I'd be astounded, tbh.

@beautifulmelody And that is perfectly acceptable for you to have that opinion. We're wired differently.

We teach our children from a very young age that hitting people is bad. Choking people is bad. Hurting people IS BAD.

And yet we accept violence in the bedroom and try to make it sacrosanct because orgasms.

Jesus wept.

@TatianaLarina, it was a rhetorical question.

There is no genuinely safe limit with choking. That's the whole point. So far we've had longtime BSDM professionals and cardiologists referenced, both saying the same thing. Not sure why randoms on the internet are convinced that they've found the elusive "safe" way that those people say doesn't exist.

This is a public forum and men are welcome to post. There are plenty of sex forums around - if someone was getting off on this kind of discussion they’re much more likely to head to those sites I would have thought.

@Coffeeandchocolate9 Sorry missed your question

Honest answer - I'm not that experienced in "sex" as I might sound. It might be that I find something else that I enjoy more that yes, is safer. Just haven't got there yet

@Whatintheisfuckery

I do agree. I had no BDSM experience, let alone choking and, by all reports, I wasn't very good at it, probably for that reason (it wasn't natural and I didn't want to hurt her). Maybe, if we'd stayed together, I'd have learned to do it properly and safely.

As for your second point, it's not really comparable is it? I've never met a woman (or man) who gets sexually aroused by being punched in the face and I wouldn't be doing it to my mother that's for sure!

@SBD1 cardiologists don't choke people either. They perform carotid sinus massage by applying pressure to one side of the neck only. But they know it can cause stroke and/or sudden death because the stimulus of the vagus nerve can cause the heart to stop beating.

I'm clearly talking about women who want to do it.

Like Chloe?

@TemporaryPermanent

Out of interest have you treated many people who have been injured during sex play “ gone wrong”? I’m interested to know how big a problem we’re facing?

@SBD1 he should be struck off

@Divebar you make naivety into an art form

it was a rhetorical question.

I know, my post was aimed at PBo83

Apparently some people like it..

I was strangled once by someone I was dating, he dint ask me if I wanted him to do it, didn’t ask if I liked it, he just assumed I would enjoy it as he had seen it done on a porn video. He had no idea what he was doing and it scared me. It’s dangerous and controlling. People are seeing it in porn and assuming it’s something they should try, apparently if done correctly it’s meant to make orgasm more intense, if done wrong then it could end in death, not worth the risk 🤔

@BoreOfWhabylon "Babe, I've had some feedback and I've decided your hands need to stay off my throat because I've decided there are better ways for me to get off than potentially risk a stroke"

WELL some good came from this thread!

@gingersausage lol ok

I am in a BDSM relationship. It is my first and I've had long term vanilla relationships in the past. I have never suffered abuse, I am not being abused, I have driven the experimentation and we talk long and hard before trying new things. He struggled at first with worries that he was controlling or abusing me. He is not.

We don't do choking, it doesn't appeal to me and it is too risky for me to want to test drive when I don't feel strongly about it.

I don't believe that vanilla sex is wrong or that BDSM is or should be the "norm". In the same way some people don't enjoy giving head and shouldn't be expected to do so, I accept that most people don't enjoy being spanked and shouldn't be expected to do so.

For those asking why anyone would want to be in a relationship like this it is the same answer as to why anyone would want to have sex when not actively trying to conceive. It feels good. I enjoy the sensations, it is something I find sexually exciting. If my partner didn't want to at least try then we'd be a vanilla couple and that would be ok. He was willing to test the waters and he enjoys my obvious enjoyment. I can't imagine he'd take this and apply it from day 1 to any new partner. That would be scary and abusive!

PBo83

Seriously. I’m being really patient.

Why did Tarentino decide that shot needed to be him?