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To think the carotid artery is not a porn prop.

490 replies

SmileEachDay · 10/10/2019 11:22

This from Twitter today.

link to the Tweet

To think the carotid artery is not a porn prop.
OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 10/10/2019 13:57

I honestly can't think of anyone who I'm less interested in hearing from on this issue than an older man who's keen to explain how it's women primarily who want this stuff really and it's totally normal and indeed the height of professionalism for directors to strangle the actresses working for them on camera.

Yup.

SBD1 · 10/10/2019 13:57

Quentin T creeps me right out. Reminds me of my ex husband

PBo83 · 10/10/2019 13:58

One has to ask, what pleasure is derived from strangling another person? It's a good question and I can only speak from experience. I wasn't the one being choked and I wasn't the one getting pleasure from it. My partner wanted me to choke her and I obliged to help 'heighten' her experience. I got nothing from it (apart from the sex) but she enjoyed it which, in turn, I enjoyed. I think there's a huge difference between a power trip and a physical reaction.

Fuckwheresitgone · 10/10/2019 13:58

it doesn’t hurt. It restricts blood flow to the brain which heightens an orgasm. I enjoy that, so he does it.
Okay let me just put this in caps RESTRICTS THE BLOOD FLOW TO THE BRAIN.
And again RESTRICTS THE BLOOD FLOW TO THE BRAIN
And just one more time RESTRICTS THE BLOOD FLOW TO THE BRAIN

You understand the brain is an organ which requires a lot of oxygen and blood? You understand death is not going to do any long term damage, coz once you're dead you're dead. But brain damage? Brain damage will change your life forever. Let's see a feeding tube, no speech, unable to use your legs/ arms/ bladder/ bowel/ no mental capacity so no choice into what happens to you. So lets have a consent form where this is spelt out that you are happy to take these risks and then sure go for it. But I'm pretty sure if most girls/ women understood the real risks they wouldn't sign that form.

It's so dangerous is your life really so empty that you are prepared to risk it for a few seconds of pleasure? Probably safer to have some heroin I believe it gives you an amazing feeling of euphoria, but no one is encouraging heroin use I see.

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 10/10/2019 13:59

Ok, I'm going to put this out here, but I'm a strong independent woman who enjoys BDSM. I enjoy being dominated, and yes sometimes this may include breath play. I have two lovers that i trust implicitly and they are the only people i would ever consent to do this with. I have known them for years and i trust them with my life - literally.

Lots of people dont understand this kink, and that's totally fine, horses for courses and all that. To look at me you'd never know that this is what I'm into - I run my own successful business, own my own house, great marraige, 2.4 kids, the totally normal lot. I'm just your average Joe, with a kink. There's many of us out there, you only have to look on Fetlife to see that.

QualCheckBot · 10/10/2019 13:59

And FWIW, as a younger woman I've never once come across a man who expects to have anal sex, expects me to be fully shaved, or who thinks choking is a normal part of sex. I think there's a touch of dramatisation happening here

Lucky you. I've just entered my forties and before I got together with DH, had a night with a man who tried this. As in he tried putting his hands round my neck a couple of times during the act briefly, as it if to test my tolerance level. So about 9 years ago.

Then he seemed sad that I didn't want to see him again!

PepePig · 10/10/2019 14:00

If women consent and want to do it, as long as their partner does it safely then I don't think it's anyone's business, to be honest.

If you don't like it, fine, but don't talk for those who do. It's nothing to do with you.

Men should only do it if they have explicit consent and are shown by their partner how to. Safe words should be used. If it's ever done without consent it's assault and the relationship should end because of it.

SmileEachDay · 10/10/2019 14:00

PBo83

As you’re still here, could you answer my question about Tarantino?

OP posts:
SupremeDreamz · 10/10/2019 14:00

@shwingshwing Nobody is saying that choking should be normalised, because not everyone is into it, and there are some people who should never even attempt it for whatever reason.

The thing is the tweet does normalise choking during sex, imo. This thread has lost it's way because people are talking across each other and debating whose preference is right or wrong, that's not the deciding factor in whether the tweet is reckless or not.

You could have a similar tweet along the lines of casual drug use which although not that common or recommended for everyone...alot of people do and enjoy and never have a problem. Even though there are big potential dangers associated with choosing to do it and many people come a cropper and get messed up from it. Some people have a line of coke now and then and enjoy it, some people ruin or lose their lives and cause misery for themselves and everyone they know.

Personal experience is relevant but it's not decisive.

The poster starts the tweet off with "when you're choking a girl during sex" not "for people who are in a consenting and safe situation and choose to try choking" ... that is the kind of thing that creates an expectation in people that every partner they have is up for that.

There's also an implication (albeit reading between the lines) that there's people doing this on a consistent basis and never realising that they're doing something dangerous. It's almost, hey are you still putting someone in danger when you choke them?

It's not even good advice. If you read it how it's written (a lot of people here are reading their own experiences into it) it's saying that when a dude is choking a girl and doing it in a highly dangerous way he should wise up and do it this way instead. Really if you read the tweet and recognise your own actions would it not make sense to stop doing it rather than have a crack at doing it the right way as per some guy on Twitter?

Divebar · 10/10/2019 14:00

I don’t know why the subject of diverse sexual practices can’t be discussed without making dramatic declarations about personal tastes and preferences. Personally I don’t like being choked ( a man did this once but stopped immediately when I said to) but my friend does like it. I don’t consider her to be suffering from mental illness or abuse or anything else of sort. I like to do other stuff that she doesn’t like.... sometimes I like to dominate and sometimes I like to be dominated and that involves doing and saying things that would no doubt bring on an attack of the vapours with some people on this thread. And if you think men are not into these practices then you’re completely delusional. What do you think is happening in the gay clubs in Vauxhall? That doesn’t mean I think it’s something that should appear with frequency in porn etc. But it’s possible to have the debate about consent & the law etc without being haranguing individuals for their own choices.

Lockheart · 10/10/2019 14:00

To be fair @Whatisthisfuckery I don't personally derive any physical pleasure from lots of normal sexual activities. I don't for example get any physical pleasure from giving oral sex or a massage or other foreplay I give to a partner.

I do it because the other person enjoys it and I enjoy making them feel good. I don't think being about physical sensation is the sole indicator of whether you should do something for / to your partner. Otherwise most of us would be having very unfulfilling and selfish sex lives!

timshelthechoice · 10/10/2019 14:01

YANBU

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 10/10/2019 14:01

Indeed, Coffee. Again, earlier in the thread someone quoted a longtime BSDM mistress who explained in great detail why she considers choking to be unacceptably high risk. I've heard the same from others who've been involved in that scene for a long time. To put it in terms that those who're keen to evangelize about kink should know, it's not something that can be made SSC. RACK at best.

And this is something that young men on twitter are blithely "teaching" others how to do the "right" way.

NotMyFawlty · 10/10/2019 14:02

I was in a lesbian relation for 3 years and we both enjoyed this.
Neither of us watch porn. It just feels good with a partner we trust.
Now I'm with a man and he refuses to do. He's scared of hurting me.
I respect that.

TatianaLarina · 10/10/2019 14:03

If you don't like it, fine, but don't talk for those who do. It's nothing to do with you

I think the women who are pressured into it, who have it done unexpectedly non consensually, and who die from it are everything to do with all of us.

gingersausage · 10/10/2019 14:03

This reply has been deleted

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TheProdigalKittensReturn · 10/10/2019 14:04

Quentin T creeps me right out.

I'd question the judgement of anyone who didn't find him a bit creepy, tbh. He's not exactly winning any awards for subtlety.

SBD1 · 10/10/2019 14:05

I can be really specific about why I like it.

Its 100% power play and not the physical sensation.

I know someone's going to probably call me a weak woman for wanting to be dominated by my partner. But....I'm successful as a female in a generally male dominated profession. I'm a dominant in the boardroom and a submissive in the bedroom.

As it happens my partner is in the medical profession and specifically has to know how the body/muscles/organs work. Maybe that's why I trust him.

Still, that is why I wouldn't suggest it to other people, because my "setup" is different to someone who has an inexperienced partner.

QualCheckBot · 10/10/2019 14:06

Divebar I don’t know why the subject of diverse sexual practices can’t be discussed without making dramatic declarations about personal tastes and preferences. Personally I don’t like being choked ( a man did this once but stopped immediately when I said to) but my friend does like it. I don’t consider her to be suffering from mental illness or abuse or anything else of sort. I like to do other stuff that she doesn’t like.... sometimes I like to dominate and sometimes I like to be dominated and that involves doing and saying things that would no doubt bring on an attack of the vapours with some people on this thread. And if you think men are not into these practices then you’re completely delusional. What do you think is happening in the gay clubs in Vauxhall? That doesn’t mean I think it’s something that should appear with frequency in porn etc. But it’s possible to have the debate about consent & the law etc without being haranguing individuals for their own choices.

I suspect because many posters are of the opinion that its a rather recent sexual practice that has become more common from the ready availability of porn, and that by trying to talk about in the way you suggest normalises what is a rather offensive, dangerous and deviant practice to many.

I absolutely hated having it done to me without permission, in a very brief way, as if to test my tolerance of it. I really would rather it had not happened. I never spoke to that man again. Perhaps he is still going around wondering why women don't speak to him.

TatianaLarina · 10/10/2019 14:06

why are you as an ”older man” even on a board aimed at mothers, discussing the impact of violent porn on their young daughters

I think we can all guess the answer to that no? Hmm

QualCheckBot · 10/10/2019 14:07

Quentin Tarantino is obsessed with violence and portraying violence against women in detail in particular.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 10/10/2019 14:08

I'd also be very happy never to have to see another visual reference to his foot fetish tbh.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 10/10/2019 14:09

I can be really specific about why I like it.

Its 100% power play and not the physical sensation.

I hear you on the power play.

What I don't hear you on is why not one of the infinite possibilities for power play that doesn't involve high chance of death?

BoreOfWhabylon · 10/10/2019 14:09

As it happens my partner is in the medical profession and specifically has to know how the body/muscles/organs work. Maybe that's why I trust him.

Then he's a dangerously ignorant fool.

Experienced cardiologists won't attempt carotid sinus massage without having the patient hooked up to a cardiac monitor and full resus kit available.

PepePig · 10/10/2019 14:10

@TatianaLarina

I'm clearly talking about women who want to do it. Not pressured into it. Women are capable of wanting to do things with a partner without pressure, you realise. I'm also talking about those who have clearly consented.

Honestly. Everyone goes on about women's bodies and their choices yet as soon as some women express what they enjoy, you've a thread full of women telling them "No you can't enjoy that because this woman died!"

If you genuinely enjoy it and want to do it, are clear with consent,your partner knows what you like/don't like, you have a safe word and you both know what the 'limit' is, which imo should be on the side of caution, it's fine.

Absolutely fed up with women being shamed for enjoying various sexual practices. If it's safe and consensual, butt out of their business.