To think the carotid artery is not a porn prop.

[SmileEachDay]

This from Twitter today.

link to the Tweet

I will add that calling people with a particular sexual predilection any sort of derogatory term is singularly unhelpful as we should be learning from each other

Ah. The “don’t kink shame argument”

That argument has an end game that is very, very dark. But that’s for a different thread.

But I will suggest that in order for people to grow they should at least, allow differing perspectives on a public Internet forum in order to fully explore the subject matter.

I’m not convinced my personal growth depends on listening to people witter on the internet.

I’m not stating that we shouldn’t “kink shame” @SmileEachDay merely stating that in order to have a well rounded debate we must allow each person their chance to speak. I am saying that personal attacks on users who have voiced a differing perspective is not helpful to any kind of meaningful discussion.

My response is in relation to this thread, not a carte blanche approach to life.

@TatianaLarina that as may be, but if a thread is to be started with the aim of educated and invested debate, it is only fair to let those with a differing perspective say their piece.

I'm sorry, but anyone who genuinely gets a sexual kick out of hurting or causing discomfort to another human being is fucking weird.

And I don't care if that is 'kink shaming.

not helpful to any kind of meaningful discussion

Whilst I agree that name calling isn’t helpful, I also think that it is absolutely fine to be really fucking angry about women being damaged and killed during sex.

Sometimes it’s not alright to tone police - as an aside an unwillingness to say “Fuck NO!” is one of the reasons many teens and women agree to do the things men ask them to - I’m frankly sick of being told to be nice.

What’s ‘invested debate’?

The thread was started with the aim of protest against the normalisation and mainstreaming of choking during sex.

That is evident from the OP. People who disagree with this perspective are not obliged to post.

Why on Earth would anyone be nice to those who promote sexual activities that damage individual women, and women as a class?

We haven't even discussed how BDSM perpetuates the power dynamics found in wider society yet. And we haven't had an answer to why men get a kick out of it.

I am in complete agreement with you on that issue @SmileEachDay and would never say otherwise. I have a 15 year old younger sister who is terrified of sex because of subjects like this being bandied about by the teenage boys in her school, I have a DD not yet two and would hope that I steer her well enough in life that she knows not to bow to pressure in any regard to her life, especially when it comes to what boys feel they are entitled to.

But, should she feel safe enough with me to mention that she has an odd preference as an adult woman in a clearly consensual way, I wouldn’t want to block all future discussion about it by reacting with horror (even if I felt it) but with a calm and hopefully educational approach. I also have my DS (her twin brother) whose future I fear for, because of the increase of violent pornography and knowing that it is highly likely that his first exposure to porn will have an undeniable impact on his way of thinking if left unchecked. As these days it seems the gateway to pornography is through mobile phones and with lads sharing things, that none of them can really comprehend between themselves, I wonder how I can combat this issue when it inevitably arises (especially as I won’t likely know what he sees or when he sees it).

My distinction was purely this: I don’t think it right or safe for sexual violence to be normalised within society to a degree where our younger generations come to expect certain acts of varying degrees of injury or potential death of their sexual partner. But I will not vehemently tell fully informed, consenting adults that they’re wrong for taking part in whatever their interests are in their own bedroom.

I don’t think she wants to talk about perversions, simply how open minded she is. In slightly stilted self-righteous police-constable style prose.

If a friend came to you and said her partner was slapping, hitting, or choking her, would you stay out of it too? Would you not tell her that she should leave, even if she accepted the abuse?

Why is it any different if it happens in the bedroom?

Is choking/slapping/hitting an act of love? Is it something one does to a person they love?

What drives women into accepting violence in the bedroom? Why is their self esteem so low that they believe they want it?

And this is the example of feminism you wish to set, to drown out and attack any woman who doesn’t take kindly to posters being attacked for an opinion.

Also this is the way I speak generally, I’m sorry if that offends. In the interests of not devolving into further (frankly disgusting) assumptions of my personality I’m going to leave the thread now.

Have at

Am really not sure a debate about this is what Smile was after. She thinks it’s vile. I agree with her.

Based on the last couple of threads I have read, I am getting an unfortunate picture. Only from some posters, admittedly.

Don't risk my long term health by smoking near me but choking me with the risk of immediate death is ok.

Back to the point though, the accidental strangling thing is bollocks of the highest order. If a person is mentally capable of having sex, they know strangling can easily kill.

NaviSprite

But I am not your 13 year old daughter. Your initial post scolded the thread in general for not being nice enough.

Of course discussions with your children are a different thing. Your children, who may well be on Twitter, and are therefore able to see the tweet I posted in the OP.

Do you think we should be open to learning from that dude? Or should we be angry and condemn it?

Personally, it doesn’t offend me just bores me slightly.

Am really not sure a debate about this is what Smile was after

But it is what it is. Once a discussion is out there it goes its own way. It’s always interesting seeing how people run with things in a totally different direction to the way I would. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the interest of finality, my children are 2, my sister is 15.

I was merely referring to the frankly abysmal treatment of others on this specific thread. If feminism purports to be a true supporter of women and their right to speak, that particular element of this thread has completely ignored that right.

The rest of my initial post was in complete agreement that this behaviour should not be normalised, but viciously attacking other users of this site for their input that went against the grain a little, to me is abhorrent.

Once a discussion is out there it goes its own way. It’s always interesting seeing how people run with things in a totally different direction to the way I would. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I suppose. I don’t find it interesting, to be fair. Bit odd, that people would let other people choke them, but not interesting.

Well start your own thread and run it how you like.

I’m not obliged to listen to everything women have to say on the internet under a po-faced and mildly hilarious invocation of feminism.

If feminism purports to be a true supporter of women and their right to speak, that particular element of this thread has completely ignored that right

Navi no one has been shut down. Robust disagreement is ok - feminism is not about always agreeing with each other.

@beautifulmelody

Your views are so one sided it's almost impossible to even attempt to reason, or put forward an alternative point of view to you. Why is it that you assume that all women who have experienced choking in the bedroom have been/are being abused? Why are all women who experience choking in the bedroom victims to the men? Why are you comparing physical abuse to this?

Women can enjoy choking. Women can decide they enjoy this based on their own mind and thoughts. Women can ask their partners to choke them because they enjoy it. Women can have their own guidelines, discussion, safe words and practices around choking. Women can decide how much pressure they want the man to use on them. In a consensual relationship, the woman has control over all these factors. Similarly, women are also allowed to enjoy anal and other acts of sex which you would deem 'abusive' and 'degrading'.

I am utterly fed up of other women attempting to micromanage other women's affairs. What anyone else chooses and consents to do in the bedroom is nothing to do with you. It's private. It doesn't matter that you don't like it. If you don't like it, don't do it. Let women decide what they do to their bodies and stop attempting to control them.

And to clarify, one more time because I apparently have to do this every single time I comment on this thread, I am only talking about situations where the women wants to do this, and has came up with this decision on her own. I am talking about situations where the woman has sat down and chatted with her partner, at length, about do's and don'ts. I am talking about situations where it is as safe as relatively possible. Personally, I think the lightest amount of pressure for a very very short amount of time is the 'safest' way to go, but I am not going to tell adults how to have sex. It isn't my place.

This thread could have been here to educate those who partake in 'breath play' or 'partial asphyxiation' as some of you are determined to call it. It easily could have been a simple case of 'Hi everyone, if any of you partake in this, please read these articles. Think twice.' It would have got people thinking and let people decide for themselves. Instead, it's become a disgusting, disgraceful witch hunt, with women pitting themselves against other women because their sexual preferences are different.

Everyone loves to say 'your body, your choice' when it comes to abortion. Others also argue that sex work is real work and should be legalised. But god forbid any one has a preference in the bedroom that some women deem unacceptable.

If you want to tell people it's dangerous and to think twice, you can do that, without personal insults. It'll get none of you anywhere.

seaweed

I more meant that I looked at that tweet and thought WTF?! Some people look at it and see a validation of their own preferences. Some people think it is “sensible” (well, only one person I think 😂)

Everyone has their perspective- I find that interesting.

I’m obvs more interested in women and girls not being killed though...