Won't be a dad

[MakeGreat]

Just signed up. Hope this is the right place.

I'm 16 and I gave birth in August. My ex said he wasn't a dad so his parents did a DNA test and he is. He said he doesn't want to be involved or be a dad. At the weekend his parents looked after baby and as soon as I got to their house ex left.

Advice please.

you have an obligation to have him fit into your child's life op.

She has an obligation to think about her own life, and not change it to try to suit someone who isn't making any effort to be responsible. He's screwed her over well and good, and now she's supposed to be worrying about him? Fuck that. She has enough to worry about with a baby to look after.

I'm not going to message him unless it's about son. He said he doesn't know if he wants to be involved in sons life

He spent a lot of time complaining about college and didn’t want to hold the baby. What a dick. You’ve made the right choice. You have given birth to his child without him to support you and he thinks the attention should be on him. I despair.

@Juells I just worded what I want badly. She said he might not fit into her future. Allimeant was cutting him out completely and stopping him from having a relationship with the child because she has decided she doesn't need him isn't fair on the baby providing he's actually trying to be a part of its life. I don't mean she should put her life on hold and run around after him, just that it isn't fair on the baby to decide she can't be bothered to play her part in their relationship because she has moved on (because with a baby so young she will have to actively engage.

He said he didn't want to hold him in case he started crying. He's asked to see Me again tomorrow.

I'm not sure the fear of holding him is thst strange for a 16 Yr old boy.
You've done a lot more growing up than him op, you're already a proper parent, hopefully he will want to be one too. Don't fall back into a relationship with him unless you're really really sure and he's ready to do it as a grown up

Did you ask him why he wanted to see you tomorrow?

What did you reply?

I'm not sure if I'm going to meet him tomorrow.

Poor baby. This is what happens when children have children.

He said just because. I haven't replied.

Juells I just worded what I want badly.

No worries, Sleeping

It's always difficult in text, very easy to be misunderstood :)

Don't meet him again. He has a lit if thinking to do. Either he wants to be a dad or he doesn't and unless he decides he does and to commit 100%, keep him out of your lives. And don't be his secret keeper either, don't let him manipulate you into keeping quiet about his disinterest in his son to his parents.

There's a book called 'why does he do that?' By Lundy bankroft. Every young lass should read it to stand her in good stead for her future. To help guard her against manipulative sorts.

Can I ask are there any young Mum groups near you. It might be very useful to find somewhere for support.

I agree with the poster leave him be. He has seen the baby, let that sit with him. I think sometimes this bending over backwards makes it too easy at least he needs to make an effort and tbh he sounds like he doesn’t give a dam about you or baby if all he was talking about was he didn’t like his college course.

I've said no to meeting him today and he's said I'm stopping him from seeing son

No there aren't any young mum groups near me

I mean this in the kindest way, but I think with your ages, it’s perhaps too complex an emotional relationship to navigate on your own. You sound like you’ve got 2 sets of supportive parents. Maybe speak to your parents, and they can help you safely allow your baby’s dad to start getting involved (probably with his parents too). It sounds like he might be open to it, but is scared and not sure how to go about it. That I’m itself is very unfair, when you have had to grow up so much, and so fast. But use your parents, and his.

He's being a manipulative little wankstain again.

'Yet...you said you didnt even know if you wanted to be a father yesterday. You can see your son when he is next at your parents. In the mean time leave me alone and do some serious thinking about whether or not you want to be a dad or not'.

Then block him. Speak with his parents directly from now on not him. Sorry but absolutely don't get back into anything relationship wise with this nasty lite shit of a boy.

Oh and absolutely don't start letting using your kid to manipulate you into seeing him. Once you start, you'll get stuck in the cycle of it. And he'll realise he can do it.

Be firm with telling him no from now on. I know that's hard, especially when you are 16 but the sooner you learn the better. You ate amazingly strong as is, bringing another life into this world. So be strong enough to stand up for your right not to be messed about n treated like a call girl who goes running when he texts. You deserve better.