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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry at being asked to leave doctors

141 replies

user1496231209 · 09/10/2019 11:23

I've just got home from a nightmare appointment at the doctors and Im so angry/upset I burst into tears when I got in.
I was waiting for an appointment when my 14 month old DD started screaming. I was walking around trying to calm her down while waiting for our name to pop up and she kept stopping and starting.
Cue the stares and mutters and tuts from others which was making me incredibly anxious.
Next thing I know the receptionist comes to me and 'suggests' that I take my daughter out of the surgery and to walk her around the block but she'll get me when my doctor is ready which will be in 10 mins.
I've got severe psoriasis which is made worst by the cold but I was so shocked that I just agreed and left.
After being left outside for 20 mins I go back in to find out that the receptionist alerted the wrong doctor and therefore I've been left outside for no reason.

I'm then told my doctor is running late hence why I was left for so long but there was no notice of this as there usually is until 5 mins after I've sat down leading me to believe they've had to try and squeeze me in making everyone else late

Not sure if it's unreasonable to complain or if my anxiety and pain is making everything worst

OP posts:
TheDarkPassenger · 09/10/2019 20:23

North and cold here too.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and I wouldn’t have taken my baby out in the cold nor would I expect someone else to.

Also being in the north we have a private waiting room for those needing it. Couldn’t imagine living south of Middlesbrough with what people say on here about the south!

Chocolatelover45 · 09/10/2019 20:27

Sympathise re. Doctors receptionists, but really you need to try and manage your anxiety otherwise how are you going to manage with a child? There will be lots of times ahead when you will need to negotiate or stick up for your child in awkward situations.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/10/2019 20:28

Are you in the UK? It really isn't cold here.

In the North East of Scotland, it's been pretty cold and very windy these last few days.

I think tone would be very important. Certainly if it happened to me based on the OP's first post, I would have left and wouldn't be going back regardless of my medical issues. I've had a slightly similar issue in the past and now I go when the children are ill and even then I'm in panic mode the whole time but not for myself.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 20:40

Also being in the north we have a private waiting room for those needing it. Couldn’t imagine living south of Middlesbrough with what people say on here about the south!

Thank god darkPassenger

I was beginning think I had hallucinated the bad weather and the spare doctor's rooms.

JenniferM1989 · 09/10/2019 21:00

Sockwomble, oh I know all too well about children that can't tolerate noise because I have an ASC DS that couldn't tolerate noise so much that he would get himself into a real state. I bought him ear defenders, they worked. He isn't sensitive to noise now though and doesn't need them anymore.

We aren't talking about children here though. It was adults rolling their eyes and tutting and I assume the receptionist is an adult too. They are capable of knowing that they are away to a doctors surgery where they might have to listen to a baby or child crying. They can prepare for it or put up with it. The world doesn't go quiet because you're not well

Passmethecrisps · 09/10/2019 22:58

My DH has my youngest in the doctor a while ago as she was very poorly with what turned out to be a throat infection and a double ear infection. He said people were tutting - one person I think. The receptionist made dd up a wee bed in the staff room and took them in there to sit. It was hugely appreciated by everyone but not everywhere will have the space
Surgeries are busy but also don’t have the space or capacity I suppose.

MontStMichel · 09/10/2019 22:59

Are you in the UK? It really isn't cold here.

I don’t know anything about psoriasis; but I have a tickly cough after a cold, which takes me to the verge of vomiting. I was in my GP’s waiting room yesterday (not there for the cough), where a large window was open. I was about 10 feet away, but the influx of cold air made me cough uncontrollably, to the point where another patient said

“Dear God!”

I told her it was the cold air from the window, causing my coughing!

GunpowderGelatine · 09/10/2019 23:06

When you have such a young baby, a screaming one at that, compounded with dealing with a medical issue, then it's only natural that little things will put you on edge and upset you. It's hard to see now but in the grand scheme of things this isn't an issue. Also you don't know if another patient there was suffering from a migraine or ear problems that were exasperated by a screaming baby. I wouldn't worry too much about it Thanks

GunpowderGelatine · 09/10/2019 23:08

I don’t know anything about psoriasis; but I have a tickly cough after a cold, which takes me to the verge of vomiting. I was in my GP’s waiting room yesterday (not there for the cough), where a large window was open. I was about 10 feet away, but the influx of cold air made me cough uncontrollably

OMG @MontStMichel I thought it was just me! I'm exactly the same the cold makes my cough absolutely horrendous. And YY to flippant comments from other people, FFS I'm not coughing this much for fun Angry

MontStMichel · 09/10/2019 23:23

GunpowderGelatine

Lol - ITA! It’s driving me nuts - weeks of disturbed sleep due to coughing all night, despite 2 jars of honey and 5 packets of cough sweets! Next stop will be the dentist’s!

icedgem85 · 10/10/2019 17:27

Sorry I think YABU. The receptionist wouldn’t have known why you were there and even if she did I doubt she’d have known the cold would make it worse, and you could have just said no that would aggravate my condition and probably wouldn’t calm her anyway. Doctors’ surgeries are full of screaming babies anyway. Hopefully she was just trying to help, if she was basically saying shut your baby up then she’s ignorant as lots of babies in waiting rooms cry because they’re in pain. Either way, next time say no, but you don’t have any grounds to complain. You could maybe tell her she made you feel extra anxious so she’s more mindful of how she says things next time.

897654321abcvrufhfgg · 10/10/2019 18:02

Maybe the receptionist was thinking about the other patients as well? I am not saying this is ok but just a thought

kateandme · 10/10/2019 18:03

just try and see it as a really shitty moment op. noone can get just how your feeling in that moment on here.because its relevant and valid because that how YOUR feeling. And thats ok.
few crossed wires and maybe a bit of none thinking.
but all in al i dont think anyone wanted to make you feel bad today.
try to leave it behind and relax into this evening.snuggle up and do what makes you feel nice tonihgt if you can.

kateandme · 10/10/2019 18:04

plus it is cold.some people feel it more than others.

vincettenoir · 10/10/2019 18:31

I reckon if you complained you would likely get an apology.

gill1960 · 10/10/2019 18:39

The doctors shouldn't have asked you to leave with a crying baby.
Babies and children are always an emergency for gps because they get really sick in minutes

manicmij · 10/10/2019 18:40

Whilst saying cold makes your condition worse how were you going to get back home? Do you cover yourself up from top to toe? If so surely you could have wrapped up to go out with your baby. You are over reacting.

Jicole · 10/10/2019 18:55

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I suffer with anxiety and what is 'minor' to everyone else isn't minor to someone with anxiety. It takes a lot for me to sum up the courage to go to the doctors and its prove even more difficult when you have a distressed child because not only do you have your own anxieties you know have the distress on your child on top of that. If someone would of told me to do that I probably would of freaked out and left. I think people need to be more accepting and just learn to deal with the noise of a crying/tantrumming child. I get a walk helps children calm down sometimes but sometimes people can offer advice to try and help and it does the complete opposite. I hope you're okay and you know your feelings ARE valid.

P.s. I dont think the receptionist was trying to make you feel worse by the way but sometimes people don't know the effect of what they do or say has on someone.

TheTrollFairy · 10/10/2019 18:59

It’s difficult because just as the receptionist could have been mindful that you were there because of a condition that is made worse by the cold you don’t know if someone was there because they are suffering from a migraine

Mightygerbil · 10/10/2019 18:59

YANBU
The only way babies can communicate whatever they want to get across is by crying. They can’t do anything else. Would any other member of society be asked to go outside for something they had no control over? How about someone with Tourette’s say who maybe shouted out a fair bit, or a person with Alzheimer’s who loudly repeated themselves over and over or was irritable?

I think we can presume that most people in a GP waiting room are unwell and surrounded with other unwell people and sometimes we just have to be tolerant of one another despite feeling like shit or being in pain. I don’t enjoy being with a screaming baby when I have some rotten bug or an agonisingly sore back but hey I’m pretty sure the baby isn’t too happy either. We all have equal needs as one another in that situation and provided patients aren’t deliberately aggressive or badly behaved then we have to get through it.

It’s not OPs fault if someone near her has a headache or is noise sensitive. The suggestion just shouldn’t have been made imo.

Mamasaurus82 · 10/10/2019 19:17

Sounds like a horrible situation. I feel for you. It's hard with a screamy baby. Nothing like a bit of waiting around in the cold and a messed up appointment to exacerbate things. I hope you're both feeling calmer now. I always find waiting rooms trigger my DS. I wonder if it's all the collective stress in the room. I wouldn't bother complaining, it was just really unfortunate. Feel better soon FlowersXxx

Mamasaurus82 · 10/10/2019 19:20

Also, a bit shocked at people's lack of understanding re anxiety. Happy mental health day!

WombatChocolate · 10/10/2019 19:31

Op has been back and said she realised she over-reacted and was a bit over-sensitive. Good on Op for acknowledging she was BU....not many are willing to do this.

I can see why she was over-sensitive - having a small baby crying in a public place, makes you feel a bit embarrassed, and then feeling ill too, makes everything just tip you over the edge. I can see how Op felt like this......but she was right that she was being over-sensitive.

Nothing wrong happened. Firstly, no-one insisted she leave, only made the suggestion. A previous poster who said the receptionist had to consider everyone in the surgery was right - going outside might not have been perfect for Op, but there were far more sick people in the surgery and people trying to work who were being negatively affected by the baby who cried for a long period. The receptionist did have to consider them and the mum with a baby did not trump all of them. Sometimes people think a baby trumps everyone else in the world, no matter how many, but actually they don't. And as others have said, the receptionist was not uncaring or unkind or negligent in asking someone with psoriasis to consider stepping outside - the receptionist simply wouldn't know - so it wasn't an unkind or unprofessional request or a request made with knowledge that it could cause difficulty for the Op. The reason she felt so upset was because having a crying baby is difficult in public, she felt ill, by chance, being outside made her feel a bit worse, and then the time outside was longer than expected and returning felt awkward. All of it together made her feel really upset and go home for a good cry....understandable, but no-ones fault and definitely not deserving of a complaint......as Op quickly realised.

A bit if a sit down, calm down, hearing a few other views, gaining perspective and retreating from the knee jerk angry position can make everything seem different. I applaud Op for being able to do that and also being willing to admit it. It's a shame that despite her doing that, lots of others are unable to and are determined to see foul play at work and look for things to complain about everywhere, where often there is no issue.

Notodontidae · 10/10/2019 19:50

Just so I have it straight, you think the receptionist should know that your soriasis gets worse in cold weather, you think other patients who have serious illnesses, should put up with a screaming child.
Couldn't you have said it first, to the receptionist "I'm just popping outside, let me know when the Doctor Calls" I would say your over-reacting, and it would be UR to complain. Hope your soriasis clears up

WombatChocolate · 10/10/2019 19:59

I struggle a little with some of the comments about anxiety. I totally a knowldege that anxiety is a real and debillitating condition for lots of people and makes their everyday lives very difficult or pretty impossible.

However, i struggle with some of the suggestions people make and criticisms they make of responses of people working in public services, because of the idea that anyone, anywhere might have anxiety.

People with anxiety might well be extremely sensitive and find things others would find normal, upsetting. That is true and of course,mid you are interacting with someone you know has anxiety, you should be extra careful of what you say/do and be aware of how your actions might impact them. Of course. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to behave as you would with people without anxiety in any circumstance. Taking the extra care needed when dealing with someone who is extra sensitive, or avoiding saying or doing things which might upset people with certain anxieties, cannot be possible or required or expected from those working with the public who deal with huge numbers of people, most of whom don't have anxiety, on the off chance that one of them might have anxiety.

It seems to me right that people are broadly sensitive when in public roles, are extremely careful and aware of anxiety with individuals who are known for it, but cannot and should not show that kind of behaviour all the time to all - it wouldn't be helpful or productive. For example, dealing with an anxious person who is very sensitive might take twice the time to dealing with someone else.....fine, if it is needed, but not a good idea to behave in a way which takes twice the time for everyone regardless.

It seems to me that often those who think every behaviour should be as if the recipient is suffering from severe anxiety is in itself a lack of perspective and sense of reality. It is right to expect those who are known to need it, to be treated extra carefully and be given the extra resources they need, but not to expect it as a general provision for the whole population, just in case. And it's not wrong if someone experiences general, normal, decent care which they find insufficient due to their anxiety, when no-one giving the care had anyway of knowing about the anxiety.

The receptionist did not know the Op had psoriasis and could not be expected to. She did not know her request would really upset Op. She made the request because she weighed the surgery full of people who were struggling with a baby who cried for a lengthy period of time against asking the Op to consider going outside ....and the receptionist decided the request was the lesser of the 2 evils given a difficult situation. It wasn't malicious nor uncaring. It was simply a judgement based on circumstances and the limited knowledge she had. Maybe Op felt a bit miserable and 15 others felt immeasurably better because if it? maybe some of those othe 15 suffered from anxiety and had struggled to get to the Doctors and were terrified of a mossy waiting room and found their worst imaginings coming real? But the idea that it was a wrong and terrible thing to do for the receptionist and that a complaint is needed just strikes me as a misjudgement and loss of perspective. There will be times when things happen to all of us which aren't perfect or make us feel a little uncomfortable......they don't all warrant a complaint and we aren't all entitled to have, and it's simply not possible to have a life without minor little blips. We have to realise that and recognise when things are just little blips rather than big deals needing a genuine complaint.

And I know anxiety can make making those judgements difficult....but part of it is also recognising that one if the consequences of being anxious and over sensitive is struggling with those reactions.

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