AIBU to be angry at being asked to leave doctors

[user1496231209]

I've just got home from a nightmare appointment at the doctors and Im so angry/upset I burst into tears when I got in.
I was waiting for an appointment when my 14 month old DD started screaming. I was walking around trying to calm her down while waiting for our name to pop up and she kept stopping and starting.
Cue the stares and mutters and tuts from others which was making me incredibly anxious.
Next thing I know the receptionist comes to me and 'suggests' that I take my daughter out of the surgery and to walk her around the block but she'll get me when my doctor is ready which will be in 10 mins.
I've got severe psoriasis which is made worst by the cold but I was so shocked that I just agreed and left.
After being left outside for 20 mins I go back in to find out that the receptionist alerted the wrong doctor and therefore I've been left outside for no reason.

I'm then told my doctor is running late hence why I was left for so long but there was no notice of this as there usually is until 5 mins after I've sat down leading me to believe they've had to try and squeeze me in making everyone else late

Not sure if it's unreasonable to complain or if my anxiety and pain is making everything worst

Due to my anxiety I didn't feel I could decline. Surely those who work in a doctors should be mindful of this?

In fact thinking back, when I had postpartum anxiety I actually found being able to get outside and walk around in the fresh air calmed me down (and calmed DS down). Maybe she thought you looked stressed, and was suggesting something that had worked for her?

It’s not that cold in October!

It's pretty cold in Scotland right now.

I'm sorry you had to go out in the cold which makes your pain worse, I really am.
But, from the other side of it, I am autistic and also suffer from anxiety and hyperacusis. I would have been wearing noise-cancelling headphones already in the waiting room but would still have had to leave if your baby kept screaming as it would have caused me pain and triggered a panic attack.
So I don't think the situation is that straightforward.

I was at the doctors specifically for a condition made worst by the cold weather but it was still 'suggested' that I go outside

But was the receptionist aware of this? Probably not if they suggested it? Over reaction.

Also it’s not particularly cold today. It’s fairly sunny and temperatures are mild enough to wear what you want, no need for a massive fur coat or thermals etc. You were at the doctors probably somewhere between 8-11am, not like 4am where it would actually be bitterly cold. It’s not even windy/raining...and if it was that cold you could have surely refused. Again, over reaction.

I think the receptionist was out of order.
A small baby can’t help crying, surely it’s not the most pleasant sound to be around but children are part of society. You were not in a restaurant or at a wedding where you know a baby’s presence might not be appreciated, it was a GPs waiting room.
I was in a train the other day, feeling upset after a hard day and my baby was crying and wouldn’t stop. I felt so embarrassed until a very sweet elderly lady came to sit next to me and baby on my lap and started to speak gently to baby in a very sweet voice. It even worked and I was so grateful. I wish more people were like that.

I don't think YABU to feel upset by a situation that caused you additional stress and anxiety. YWBU to feel angry.

I have two DDs (one is an adult) who wouldn't have been able to say not to that receptionist because of their anxiety and would then have spent the 20 mins outside panicking that they were going to miss their appt and wrestling with the decision about whether to pop back in to make sure they hadn't been forgotted and wondering how to word it so they didn't look ridiculous/irritate anyone further.

All in all the whole experience would have been very stressful and upsetting.

That's not to say that anyone was at fault, including you.

Will everyone stop with the 'mild, sunny, quite warm' rubbish - it might be where you live, but it's bloody cold here, no sun, strong winds. If psoriasis behaves like eczema, it's the change in temperature not the actual temperature that beings on the discomfort.

OP you are/were stressed, the doctors is never good, add a crying baby and grumpy old people into the equation and it makes a crap morning.

Have tea and biscuits and a bit of fluffy mindless tv, and see how you feel then.

I think your anxiety is making you feel like the world is against you but I assure you that’s not the case:

• Yes the receptionist messed up when informing the wrong doctor, these things are annoying but happen. It’s easy to get distracted and mess up whilst multitasking. Perhaps the receptionist was new, having personal struggles, had technical issues etc. She didn’t purposely do it to be nasty to you. That includes asking you to step outside, this is probably something that has worked with previous patients to calm babies down rather than her personally targeting you.

• Yes, the other patients probably were being rude about the noise. Rude people without patience are everywhere. These people may also be ill, be waiting for bad news, have also been waiting ages for an appointment etc and the constant crying may have been an irritant. That’s okay, again these things happen, try not to take it personally as you won’t see these rude people again.

• yes the doctor may have had to ‘squeeze you in’, but it’s more probable that they were actually running late. Bloody GPs always are always running late - all it takes it one patient that goes over a the short 10 minute appointment slot to knock them off of schedule - I assure you that the doctor was probably trying to squeeze every patient in!

However these are just individual, isolated incidents. Society is not ganging up on you, even though it may seem that way due to the close succession.

I agree with (most) others here but as that point has been made very thoroughly and you seem to have taken it on board, I just wanted to say I hope your psoraisis is getting better and DD has settled down. I know how difficult it is when you're feeling crap and your child is having a difficult day right when you're stuck in a waiting room!

The receptionist was in a difficult position really because you were not the only one in the waiting room who is ill. Your crying baby could have made the other sick people feel worse so on balance I can see why she though it best for you to walk your baby outside.

Being the parent of a screaming baby does not trump all other inconveniences.

Many people in a doctor’s waiting room are ill, unhappy, troubled or suffering in their own way. We ALL know how hard it is to have an upset baby in a public place (surely everyone on here has been there) but your upset baby doesn’t automatically come first in every situation.

I’d have waited outside without being asked and popped my head in the door every minute or so to check if it was my turn. Isn’t that just common sense?

Where are you?
Sunny and mild here!

The receptionist was in a difficult position. A doctors waiting surgery is a normal waiting room. It’s full of people feeling shit. So to suggest that you and your screaming baby get a bit of fresh air was probably just her being sensitive to others (and must make taking calls from her perspective very difficult)

not a normal waiting room

I doubt she would have suggested If the appointment was for your baby though

OP you are/were stressed, the doctors is never good, add a crying baby and grumpy old people into the equation and it makes a crap morning.

Oh not this. Everyone with a screaming baby has the right to make sick people feel worse by having a screaming baby next to them.

We get it. It is really stressful having a screaming baby. So is having a migrane, earache, feeling generally ill etc.

Wait until we're old. Old people know what it's like to be young and probably what it's like to be young with a screaming baby. When we're old we'll know what it's like for them. And hopefully young people won't be as shitty to them.

Oh God, if fucking sucks when your baby is crying and you are stuck waiting for something and you get the Mexican wave eyeroll around a room. I'm sure the receptionist was trying to help. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Shitty days like this happen. You don't have to have anxiety for this to be an, all round, shitty experience.

Well at my practice we would never ask anyone to do this. If the mother seemed distressed eg.came to the desk to ask how much longer the wait would be because she can't settle her child, we'd offer a private room to wait in.
If the receptionist wasn't just offering - 'if you'd rather go for a walk I can let you know when the doctor is free' - I do think it was unreasonable.

I don't really understand what happened with your appointments informing the wrong doctor. You still got seen as your doctor was running late?

However YABU. A GP waiting room is full of ill people. Most people would take their screaming child out of the room in that situation, and going for a walk can calm a baby. It's not fair on everyone else to leave the baby in the waiting room, and the receptionist offered a solution that enabled you to remove the baby from the situation.

The receptionist wasn't to know you have psoriasis which flares up in the cold. They won't have read your medical notes.

The baby must really have been howling if the receptionist suggested you go for a walk! But you need to grow a thicker skin. So what if people look and tut?? Just ignore them. Or announce, 'yes, my baby's crying. Sorry about that. She's clearly not happy at being stuck here. I'm trying to calm her'. Then ignore.

And the receptionist is not a doctor. How would she know that exposure to the cold makes your skin worse? (Are you in the UK? How cold is it? It's mild here in the south!)

Maybe think of some clever retorts for next time. And practise standing up for yourself.

Babies cry. That'swhat they do,

They should just accept the fact - if it's too bad then I don't believe they didn't have an empty room you could sit in to nurse/ comfort your baby. Having said that, being asked to go outside wouldn't have been a reason for me to complain, nor would I complain if she forgot me - if it's busy she wouldn't have had time to think, though I would have been I would have been a bit miffed. However . . .

I would be very annoyed that the receptionist didn't check which doctor you were going to see and left you out in the cold with a sobbing baby (whether you had a temperature-aggravated condition or not).

THAT I would complain about.

I don't know what use it is to say that your crying baby doesn't trump others' comfort - a baby is a human person of equal value to any other and often, much more vulnerable. Babies who are sick are vulnerable. Babies who's carers are sick are vulnerable. Others in the waiting room are likely much more capable of regulating themselves and their behaviour than a crying baby. So while they might not have to like it, I don't think it's on to ask the baby to leave. They need to see the doctor!

I also think you over-reacted. Your little one was disturbing many patients in the waiting room. Some may have been there with stress or mental illness or just worry about a serious medical problem, so they could have been distressed further by a screaming child. Asking you to go for a little walk was a very good suggestion. The receptionists wouldn't have known this would cause you a problem unless you told them. Sure they got the doctor wrong, but they are very busy and will make the occasional mistake.

I hope you got sorted though and are ok now.

If the others were tutting and moaning they were bang out of order but your anxiety problems made you feel/ see it more than it really was, I always went outside when my babies cried as it calmed / distracted them but most importantly didn’t annoy anyone else. The receptionist has no knowledge of your conditions so was trying to be helpful and cocked it up a bit, don’t be so hard on yourself just a crap morning try to shrug it off