Keys to my new home and feeling sad

[ineedanonmol]

I have finally left my abusive partner after trying since the start of year and today I signed my tenancy for my two bedroom maisonette for me and child, but some how I feel so sad. I know my ex partner is abusive and can't change and it's not fair on me and my child, but I feel so upset I am leaving him and that I will miss him so much. My dream I had with him has shattered and i'm moving to a council property (luckily in a lovely area) at the age of 31 after living in a house my partner owned. I have lost so much and i'm starting from scratch. I'm so scared how i'll manage it all on my own and how I will cope with my child on my own and all the other responsibilities. Right now I have very little money and no wardrobes, cooker, fridge or even washing machine and i'm so scared how I can provide for my son. Sorry for the pity party and I know I should be so happy we now have freedom.

I've been so busy this evening trying to sort the house out and have been in bed with my son the last hour cuddling him whilst he sleeps. Thank you all so much it's helped so much and made me feel less alone in this all. I also really appreciate the practical advice. I think I've found a washing machine and just trying to find sort logistics of getting it. I have more stuff to move tomorrow. My ex is begging me back, but I know he can not change and I don't want that life for me and my son. I'm doing my best to stay positive, but I just feel so broken and scared like a little child again. He promised me the dream, but the reality was far from it and now I'm grieving that and most accept it will take time to heal.

I just chucked out a perfectly good fridge and dishwasher, people do this all the time, so keep your eyes peeled! Do you have a mate with a van? If not, B&Q rent them out hourly.

Our local tip sells recycled furniture, I saw them asking £25 for 6 lovely chairs on Sunday. I know you’re probably broke, but don’t be shy about phoning and asking the council for stuff, especially with a child to provide for.

Congratulations, you have done an amazing thing for you and your child. It must have taken so much guts and stress and mental energy. No wonder you have anxiety, but your child will grow up without seeing you being abused, and will see a strong woman making independent decisions for you both, and hopefully your anxiety will recede and you begin to realise that you are free. The next few months May be tough but you will find what you need, and you know you can do it because you’ve already done the hardest part. There’s already some great practical advice on here, and it’s ok to ask for help. You may feel sad now, but really, you’ve done a great thing.

Moving into a new home under all circumstances is a strange feeling. It feels like temporarily camping out in someone else's empty house until you go to your real home. So that bit of your emotion is totally normal.
Add to that grieving the loss of the relationship you could have had if he wasn't an arse and the sheer inconvenience of no fridge or washing machine and it's all perfectly reasonable to feel lost and frightened.
All of these will fade with time. Find little acts of rebellion to enjoy. Make a list. Even if it's buying slightly nicer shampoo, leaving something to wash up tomorrow, buying your ds a bag of sweets, or sleeping in the middle of the bed. Whatever you couldn't do.

Hi there, well done you.very brave! Just to say that I am on a reuse recycle website on Facebook and there are people who give away stuff for free on there and some will deliver if asked nicely. Good luck. Leaving is so hard. Making a new life is daunting but so much better than what you’ve been used to.

Lots of stuff free on Facebook and free cycle, you will build yourself back up and break out of the mental cage he built for you.

Ps I have a toddler bed going free in Cheshire

If you're worried about him facebook stalking you, set up a new account with a different name and generic profile picture so that you can look at the marketplace etc, that way you don't need to worry

Do you live in Yorkshire? If so I have a wardrobe that you could have, possibly chest of drawers and will have a mid-height Stompa bed soon. May have other bits too (I’m not using table/chairs much so would happily give you those and depending on your DS’s age I can sort some toys out for your DS from my DC’s toy boxes).
Don’t give up because you CAN do this. Try not to make any big decisions about your future for 6 months because the first few months are the hardest but then you’ll start to smile again, walk down the street without looking over your shoulder, stay out another hour if DS is having fun at the park or a friend’s house without worrying what awaits you when you get home. You CAN do this because you ARE doing this and if you’re doubting yourself and are thinking of going back just think about your son. This is the best gift you can give him...Stay strong (and remember that you ARE strong... for you)

You have done so well already. This is a fresh start for you and your son.

Wishing you all the best - you will get there and look back and marvel at how far you've come.

the hardest part is walking away.....butonce you have..its all gony change.Yes,theres no denying you'll get hit with challenges,tough times and turmoil. You have to remember at all times;you get ONE life,cherish that and love it and live it. You are living in a sorta limbo\denial.whatchu want and whatchu got arent alligned. the good isni outweighing the bad and you are worth loving-so start with doing that your ownself. little by little you can get to a place it wont hurt so much. forgive yourself every time it hits you how intolerable the shit you accepted has been. then..move on. you've got this.the truth is you love a guy that doesnt actually exist. keep going.you and babayface are worth it.

Well, you're clearly not a little child and don't need a man to promise you a load of bollocks dreams. You're a strong woman who's put her son's wellbeing first, has sorted herself out a home and conjured up a washing machine out of thin air within just a few hours :)
Of course you have your fears; that's not a sign of weakness, it is normal and frankly quite sensible to feel under pressure when you are making a big change. I hope you also have some real-life support, whether from your family, friends or Woman's Aid etc - people who will help you to help yourself.

I've done the paperwork for a grant from the council just in case they can help in anyway. I've got some bread, beans, eggs, noddle's, fruit and carrots so we can at least make some kind of meal using the microwave and toaster. Luckily their is a shop close by, but money is extremely tight so I can't be buying ready meals everyday. I'm hoping I can get some cheap roller blinds today from somewhere, but I've had to go to work today, so i'm a bit tight for time.

Unfortunately even though my parents are wealthy they won't help me out. My dad is pretty abusive and has said it's my own fault I've got myself in this mess and his money is tied up in other things right now. To be honest I don't want him to help me out as he would just throw it in my face anyway and I need to do this for myself. My mum is offering with time and is helping with kids and helping sort my house out tomorrow and the next day. I feel a bit overwhelmed with everything I need to do, I need to write a list, but i'm not sure where to start.

If nothing else scrambled egg and beans on toast is the food of the gods, is relatively cheap and can be done in the mocrowave.

Check out the council recycling depot. We are decluttering ready for a house move and there was a man working at ours who was directing people with furniture etc that was in usable condition to put it in a donation area.

How you feel is how you feel, Ineedanonmol. Don't fight it or try to talk yourself or be talked by anyone else into different feelings. They will pass.

Right now you're grieving, not for him, not for the relationship, but for the happy life your ex promised and then took away. It was never real, but you believed in it for a while, and probably hung on hoping too long. It's hard to let go!

Also, life with an abuser is a bit like a roller coaster, all fear, adrenalin and hyper-alertness. When you get off, how do you feel? Sick, dizzy, wobbly at the knees, not sure which way is up? Right. That will wear off soon.

You'll be fine, just give yourself time. If anyone asks (CFs) you'll be over it when you're over it, you'll announce it then if they like.

Is your DC his? If not, you never need to see his face or hear his voice again. Ever. If he is, you need to minimise the ways he can reach in and mess with your mind. You'll need good advice in that.

I hope you got your nonmol!

Does your council have any help, I know mine can give from a special fund for people moving into accommodation from homeless or other circumstances. I should get something when I move into a hone after being in temp accommodation for almost 2 years now.

Things will improve, once you get some more bits for your home and get back on your feet, you’ve done the hard part and survived. Wishing you and your son lots of happiness in your new home

What area of the country so you live on OP? We have a sofa we need to get rid of, some mattresses, loads and loads of kids clothes, toys etc.. a washing machine.

And if he's begging you back, you need to block him. Don't give him rent-free space in your head. I hope he doesn't know where you are right now?

If he's ever had your phone in his hands, assume he's put a tracker on it. Might be wise to switch off your location function just in case.

Jack Monroe's website is good for eating well on next to nothing, and she costs everything.

Ask your housing worker about local rescources. Rotary club and wrvs (local charities) may help if yôu don't mind them knowing your business
Fish and veg can be microwaved. You will gradually, probably quite quickly get it together and make a proper home
You are grieving what might have been, not what you had. Don't go back, look forward to a great future. It's ok to cry, but you haven't lost anything good, that's all to come.

Hope you had legal advice about your rights and protecting yourself, contact and child maintainance.

I live 50 miles north of London.

I just want to say well done for leaving him and giving yourself and your son a much better future!!