Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset SILs have excluded us from family holiday?

112 replies

Chocolatehat · 08/10/2019 13:04

My DH has one sister and two brothers. One of the brothers is married. None of the siblings have children apart from my DH. They are now of an age where it is unlikely that they will ever have children.

DHs sister and SIL decided to organise an Easter holiday for all the siblings and the FIL and his wife.

They chose a villa in Madeira with an unfenced swimming pool. We said we couldn’t go because taking our autistic 4 year old and 10 month old twins on a four hour flight was too stressful and the swimming pool being unfenced would make us concerned.

They then changed the holiday to Cornwall. Single BIL told us we could now come on holiday. We asked if we can join but SIL phoned my DH and explained that even though there is space for us in the holiday home, the house is not child friendly. She also said that there is no point us staying nearby because the village is not child friendly??

FIL is wealthy and SIL talks about how much she dislikes him but wants to inherit. We are quite surprised that she wants to go on holiday with them at all.

I feel that they are excluding us because we have children but I cannot work out why. There is no backstory. We are not v.close but get along ok.

AIBU to feel upset?
Also any suggestions why they are doing this would be appreciated.

OP posts:
BlackCatSleeping · 08/10/2019 13:06

Maybe she was offended that you said no to the previous holiday. Perhaps because you weren’t there to split the cost, they had to cancel.

AiryFairyMum · 08/10/2019 13:07

Why do you want to go with them?

ShirleyPhallus · 08/10/2019 13:08

It sounds like they booked a holiday, you said you couldn’t go, that’s that. If they’ve chosen not to have children perhaps they don’t see a holiday with children as being very relaxing. Not what I’d do to my siblings but there we go.

If you want to go why don’t you find another holiday home which is suitable for everyone and suggest that?

Hoghgyni · 08/10/2019 13:09

Could it be that the holiday cottage doesn't accept children under 12?

I'm Cornish. Saying that the village isn't child friendly is utterly bizarre. Some villages are tourist traps, others are simply places where people live. I've never known anyone rush up to visitors and immediately offer their children a party tea and a bounce on their trampoline.

Original poster
Chocolatehat · 08/10/2019 13:13

ShirleyPhallus They have already booked the holiday house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolatehat · 08/10/2019 13:14

BlackCatSleeping We made it clear that the flights were the reason we couldn’t go.

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 08/10/2019 13:14

Maybe they just assumed you wouldn’t want to go? I don’t think it’s because you have kids. If you’re concerned just talk to them!

Chloemol · 08/10/2019 13:15

She sounds selfish. Why not just book a separate holiday for your family and pil’s and don’t invite the others

Original poster
Chocolatehat · 08/10/2019 13:16

AiryFairyMum I feel sad to feel excluded and sad that my husband is upset.

OP posts:
SinglePringle · 08/10/2019 13:18

It seems they don’t want to go on holiday with children. Hard for you but it’s their choice.

BlackCatSleeping · 08/10/2019 13:21

Why did they change the holiday though? If they assumed you would come to the original holiday but you said no, so they had to cancel and rebook elsewhere, I can understand why they might be irritated enough not to invite you this time.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 08/10/2019 13:21

I can understand why people who choose a child free life wouldn’t want to holiday with other people’s children.

My baby days are long over and I wouldn’t now wish to holiday with young children.
Just accept that you live different lifestyles and have different wants rather than thinking of it as them excluding you.

CornishMaid1 · 08/10/2019 13:23

I'm Cornish and struggling to think of a village that is not 'child friendly'. I can think of lots where there is not much to entertain children (as you would expect with small villages) but none that I would say were specifically unfriendly to children. Would be interested to see where it is.

I am sorry to say but I think that SIL perhaps does not like children and actually just does not want to go on holiday with someone else's children.

Minioooons · 08/10/2019 13:24

A holiday with young children when you don't have children of your own completely changes the dynamic. It might have been a hassle as they have to check everything they do is child friendly.
if they wanted to go out in the evening, you would probably get offended that they cant go earlier?
if they wanted to do an activity then you would get upset if it's not suitable for your children?
If they wanted to laze around the pool then you wouldnt be able to if its unfenced.
I'm not saying that you would make an issue of anything, just that they might have just wanted an adult holiday without the hassle of everything possibly being a problem.
I wouldn't be upset and I have a DC.

Wingedharpy · 08/10/2019 13:25

I wouldn't want to go on holiday with people who didn't want to be with me and mine.
You aren't missing out.
They don't sound like nice people OP if they speak about keeping in with someone they dislike in the hope of an inheritance.

constantlyseekinghappiness · 08/10/2019 13:26

I can understand why people who choose a child free life wouldn’t want to holiday with other people’s children.

This.

Perhaps when they say the village isn’t child friendly they mean the places they would like to go in the village aren’t - pub lunch, etc?

I know it must be upsetting for you but not everyone wants to spend their holiday time with someone else’s kids in tow.

Windydaysuponus · 08/10/2019 13:26

The very fact it was booked with out discussion should have told you sadly you weren't welcome.
Why would you even consider spending a holiday with them now?.
Tbh if i didn't have dc I would l feel like them also.
No offence meant.

Apolloanddaphne · 08/10/2019 13:29

Seems odd that they change their mind about the original holiday and book one better for you then exclude you. There is no logic to that at all.

SIL seems to really not want you there. Single BIL seems ok with it but have you spoken to the others? Maybe it is just SIL being a massive bitch and the others will overrule her?

AiryFairyMum · 08/10/2019 13:29

In all honesty, I wouldn't want to go away with my BIL or SIL, or their kids. I'm OK with PIL, but it's not really a holiday. Maybe your SIL feels the same? It's OK for her to want to go on holiday with her parents, and not with children or inlaws.

sansou · 08/10/2019 13:30

Your DH needs to talk to his brother & sister to deal with it. Imo, you're dodging a bullet but you probably need to experience an extended family holiday en mass first before you have your lightbulb moment.

NearlyGranny · 08/10/2019 13:32

All Cornish villages are child friendly! It's guaranteed. You are being frozen out, OP, and it's not very nice.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/10/2019 13:32

Are your folks around? If so could they mind your dc for 2 nights and you and dh could join the family for a shorter period?

Brooksay · 08/10/2019 13:32

If you have the only kids maybe they're worried the old man might favour them in his will if he gets too close/attached?

smileylottie87 · 08/10/2019 13:34

But it wouldn't appear to be an issue with going away with kids as the OP was invited to the original holiday

Drum2018 · 08/10/2019 13:35

Similarly I wouldn't want to go on holiday with small kids and I have an 8 year old. Given your inlaws have no children it's totally understandable that they would want an adult holiday and not have to factor in baby's routines when organising meals out, sight seeing etc. I'd say they originally asked you to go foreign as they probably knew you'd say no.

Swipe left for the next trending thread