To be upset SILs have excluded us from family holiday?

[Chocolatehat]

My DH has one sister and two brothers. One of the brothers is married. None of the siblings have children apart from my DH. They are now of an age where it is unlikely that they will ever have children.

DHs sister and SIL decided to organise an Easter holiday for all the siblings and the FIL and his wife.

They chose a villa in Madeira with an unfenced swimming pool. We said we couldn’t go because taking our autistic 4 year old and 10 month old twins on a four hour flight was too stressful and the swimming pool being unfenced would make us concerned.

They then changed the holiday to Cornwall. Single BIL told us we could now come on holiday. We asked if we can join but SIL phoned my DH and explained that even though there is space for us in the holiday home, the house is not child friendly. She also said that there is no point us staying nearby because the village is not child friendly??

FIL is wealthy and SIL talks about how much she dislikes him but wants to inherit. We are quite surprised that she wants to go on holiday with them at all.

I feel that they are excluding us because we have children but I cannot work out why. There is no backstory. We are not v.close but get along ok.

AIBU to feel upset?
Also any suggestions why they are doing this would be appreciated.

Holiday with small kids when you're childless is my idea of hell. Maybe theirs as well.

OR they simply don't like you. Nothing wrong with that. It's not compulsory to like people just because they're family.

I suspect that the SiL is doing the bulk of the organising and is getting pissed off with being told what to change and who to cater for.

Also why is the BiL sticking his noise in when he has done fuck all to organise this. Sounds like he maybe enjoying the drama and is stirring.

I feel that they are excluding us because we have children but I cannot work out why. There is no backstory. We are not v.close but get along ok.

It's staring you in the face why you've been excluded

I'd love to know where this non-child friendly village is. I wonder whether the residents have no children, or whether they simply ship them out of the village at the earliest possible opportunity.

Tonnerre We send them off down the mines at the earliest opportunity. Haven't you watched Poldark?

Speaking as a grown woman with no kids. I think it is the fact that ur kids will take over the holiday. Not intentionally and I'm sure they are lovely but the fact you have already stated reasons u couldn't go on the first one says it all x

Why don't you just ask her.

Some child free people can be very selfish , probably not intentionally but simply because they haven’t had years of putting someone other than themselves first.

And many people with children feel that the world should revolve around them and their ‘little darlings’ and can’t see how others aren’t desperate to spend all their free time with their said little darlings.

Perhaps adults are entitled to arrange a holiday that they want to enjoy without being vilified for not wanting children to dominate all aspects of it.

Agree that they don’t want a holiday with small children. It makes it an entirely different holiday, naps, routines, feeding, activities etc. I wonder if they thought DH might go on his own to Madeira?
I’ve been to several villages I’d consider child unfriendly- steep hills, non-existent or narrow pavements so v difficult with a buggy, no amenities, pub that doesn’t allow children. I’m sure it’s an excuse in this case but they do exist!

I wouldn’t want your brood if I was in their shoes not nice to hear but honest. If I was you I wouldn’t have Worried about the non fenced in pool to be honest i have sympathies for your situation but there’s enough adults to keep an eye on them. Sil sounds bit snippy/passive aggressive about the village not being child friendly

Dont think I'd want to go on holiday with 10 month old twins and a 4 year old who also has autism and will no doubt need lots of support and help. And I mean that in the nicest possible way as I have a close family member with severe disability. Kids can kind of take over a holiday a bit, and change the dynamics. Perhaps they also wanted a holiday just them and the in laws. And it not being all about your family unit and the kids.