To not want my children to go to a private school

[TooLaidBack27]

Very big discussions with DP about future school for our DCs. DC1 is 9 and we have started thinking about it. DP wants to try get her into private, whereas I think we do not have enough money. It is £17k a year. DP earns £50k, but that involves lots of weekend and evening work for him, I only work part-time and take home £12k. We live in London, have a mortgage, good car, go on holiday twice a year, have savings, but definitely are not "rolling in it". DP thinks that we somehow could make it happen, I am sure we can not afford it, as £17k is just bare minimum, not including school trips, expensive uniforms and school lunch is £250 per month! Yet, DP just called me too laid back and not wanting the best for my children :( He even said that I could do full-time- not sure how's going to work, as we have younger DC2, who just started primary school.
I understand where he is coming from, but really can not allow to put us in financially unstable position and agree with his grandiose plans.
AIBU or is he?

I doubt you could afford it on those figures. We take home double your household income and although we could afford it , it's not worth the other sacrifices. And I'm pro- state school anyway.

Look at the alternative schools. Most still have an expensive uniform and lunch. So it,s the 17k a year you have to think about. CAn you ask your DP to at least look at the other schools.

YANBU. You would be pushing yourselves to be honest.

What happens when your other DC is at secondary age too? You won't be able to afford 2 sets of school fees on that salary.

Why don’t you practice this year, by seeing if you can save £18k (extra for uniform and a trip)?
Or do some basic sums and work out how much you episode have left over. What about the years when both are have school fees? That’s all of his pay?

Oh gosh no, I know it's all relative but we have a larger household income and I could not justify £17,000 a year on school, plus that's just the fees I'm sure there's a lot more involved. Quality of life is much more important, I wouldn't give up holidays for it!

I don’t think you can afford it op. And you’ll have the second child coming up in a few years, you’ll not be able to afford 2 on those salaries.
Ps I’m pro state school anyway so I wouldn’t care if I were you!

Would have been doable for an only child, but no, I don't think you can do it with two.

I would say that's impossible in London. You would need to working full time and he will need a pay rise to make that happen. If you move to a cheaper part of the country you might be able to make it happen for one child if you went back full time.

Pro state school here too. I work in a state primary and we sometimes get ex private school children where parents have been dissatisfied. The last two had much less knowledge than the children that had been with us since 5. It’s no guarantee of a better education ime.

Is that £50k before or after tax?? If it's before tax no way, even after would be incredibly hard especially as you have another child who I assume you'd also do the same for

We were a very average family and my parents worked hard to send me and my brother. We never fitted in because we didn’t have any trappings of wealth and went through school “the poor kids”

It was really hard.

Equivalent of a monthly family food shop going on one child's lunches? That sounds like sheer insanity, especially when you don't have a big household income.

YANBU. He’s being ridiculous. 90-odd percent of people go to state school, you don’t need to throw money at a school to care about getting the best education for your child

Don't forget it's £17k from your after tax income too. And what about your other kids? Would you send them all private?

My daughter is in 6th form and has been in private education since Reception. It wasn't my choice, and my (now ex) husband pays. I would have to scrape it together if I paid. It has given her lots of benefits and and did really well in her GCSE's, but I have no doubt that she would have done well anyway. Private education does not guarantee good results. It's also a very big financial commitment, obviously. I wouldn't do it in your position.

What the hell did I mean by
Or do some basic sums and work out how much you episode have left over.

Usually?

He’s approaching this back to front imo. What is DC like? Why does he think they’d benefit from private school? What are the state secondaries like near you, what are their results? Which private schools are nearby/commutable? Do they offer bursaries? For what? Are they selective?

“Private school” covers all sorts, he needs to do some research.

I’m seriously anti private anyway but there’s no way you can afford it. We are on big six figure salaries and we’d still have to cut our cloth. £17k net is £25k gross, and then there’s the uniform (including numerous sports sets), trips, plus the fact your child will be surrounded by wealth you cannot emulate. It’s totally unrealistic, I’m astonished you haven’t already told him this in no uncertain terms.

What happens when the youngest reaches 11? The eldest would still be 16, so you’d need to fork out over 30k for the both of them.

The best isn’t necessarily the most expensive.

No that’s too hard. You could go full time to help but you’d have to fund holiday cc etc

I would only send them if they were struggling in comprehensive. Otherwise they would benefit much more from £17k of food and fun.

No one wants to be the poorest kid at a private. Smart, well behaved kids can do very well at most schools.

It’s easy, choose your favourite child and send them. It will be like a social experiment and you can get a TV crew to pay ....

You can't afford it. We have a similar household income and pay much lower fees outside London, and it's a struggle.

The fees go up every year, the extras are expensive and once you've started it's really hard to change your mind.

Even if you are prepared to make major sacrifices, you wouldn't be able to send a second child.

The only way I'd consider it is if I lived in catchment for the worst, most nightmarishly awful school, and my child was suffering because of it.

We earn substantially more than that between us. We have two at private school. And it is still tight. We do not have foreign holidays or other luxuries. This is a choice we were happy(ish) to make (in year move meant no state place, we were literally told to home school until one was available, which is not compatible with two working parents...) expecting it to be for a short period until a state place came up. Except we couldn't bring ourselves to make DS start again.

Even if you scrape it for one, how would you afford the other? Would you be likely to be eligible for busaries?

If it is the money that is a problem do look into bursaries. They are there, and can be generous (my children were on 50% of fees).