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AIBU?

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Original poster

Awaiting grammar school results

146 replies

Asvan · 06/10/2019 16:39

Hi everyone

My daughter did the eleven plus exam for a nearby grammar school and the results are due to come out in mid October.

We didn't really put much pressure on her and didn't send her for tutoring or anything like that but, as the results day is approaching I'm feeling more and more anxious. We loved the school when we went to see it and would be overjoyed if she got a place there (even though the school is not in our catchment area).

I'm just nervous as I don't know which way it's going to go. She is a bright girl (on the top table in the top sets at school), but I know that this isn't always a guarantee. Especially as so many kids have had months of tutoring in advance.

Anyone else in a similar boat?

OP posts:
EvenPhilip · 06/10/2019 16:42

Not this year, but previously yes we were in the same boat.
I hope it goes your way, but don't get too disheartened if it doesn't, it's really not the be all and end all.

LoonyLunaLoo · 06/10/2019 16:44

Yes us! I just want to know either way so we can forget about high schools for a while! The girls’ grammar got their results on Saturday but the boys’ haven’t yet which is a bit unfair. I didn’t sleep last night for worrying about it. I just don’t want DS to be upset if he doesn’t pass 😟

AliciaQuays · 06/10/2019 16:46

I’m sure alternative schools are just as good. Especially if grammar not local to you

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 06/10/2019 16:47

I’ve been through this four times. It’s probably even more stressful than waiting on GCSE and A-levels.

But it really, truly is not the be all and the end all. And it doesn’t (despite what I believed in the case of dc1) define either you as a parent, or your child as an individual.

Try to down play it. I’ll always remember a friend describing her daughter’s howl, like a wounded animal, when she read the email telling her she hadn’t passed.

Quartz2208 · 06/10/2019 16:48

Yep we are waiting for the 2nd stage results should be a week on Tuesday

Ariadnepersephonecloud · 06/10/2019 17:27

I was last year so feel for you. DD1 decided she wanted to try and got in and now goes to the Grammar school. Ours is also out of catchment and honestly I almost wish she didn't. It's a good school and I know it will work out fine but it's a lot of travel and she misses her friends who all went to the local school. That said will still be doing the same thing with DD2 but only because I'm hoping for economies of scale on uniform etc (actually I think DD2 will tell me to stuff it and go to her local school but I've got a while yet) 😁

fedup21 · 06/10/2019 17:31

Yep-this was us this time last year!

It didn’t help that DD found the maths paper really hard and we had 3 weeks presuming she hadn’t passed! Luckily she had so all was well.

Try to do something else to take your mind off it-think that’s the best think!

Do you have good schools locally as alternatives?

Quartz2208 · 06/10/2019 18:41

Our problem is that the grammar is the closest school to where we live as well and easiest to get to. The others would involve longer journies!

ashtrayheart · 06/10/2019 18:48

Yes we are waiting to hear if our daughter has passed so she can go to her in catchment grammar school. The alternatives are pretty crap sadly, or I wouldn't be as bothered.

Katinski · 06/10/2019 18:51

Good luck to all the children awaiting their results. Is there still a 13+ second bite of the cherry option these days?

Original poster
Asvan · 06/10/2019 18:56

Yes we have alternative schools in our catchment area but they aren't as good. The grammar school is about half an hour away and not in our catchment so even if she does pass we will have to wait until March to find out if she's actually got a place or not.

When we set out to try for the grammar school, I really didn't think I would be this anxious about it. I have downplayed it to my daughter but deep down I do want her to get a place there as it is a very good school. If she doesn't pass then we will most likely go for one of the local ones that most of her peers are going to.

In retrospect I do wish that I'd sent her for some kind of tutoring or maybe done a lot more with her at home but at the time we couldn't afford it and we thought there's no point putting too much pressure on her.

Good luck to everyone waiting and do let us know how your DC has done.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 06/10/2019 18:59

The grammar school is about half an hour away and not in our catchment so even if she does pass we will have to wait until March to find out if she's actually got a place or not

This was the same for us, DD started year 8 at the grammar this time Smile

We didn’t tutor or do practice papers. We were lucky though as results came through well before we were told to expect them! The night the secondary school applications came through I found out at 1.40am then couldn’t sleep for excitement Grin

JacquesHammer · 06/10/2019 18:59

Forgot to add Good Luck OP!

Original poster
Asvan · 06/10/2019 19:41

Thank you. Not sure how I'm going to get through the next ten days. I would just like to know either way so that we can deal with it and move on!

OP posts:
Carrotcakeyum · 06/10/2019 20:10

Anyone else's child done the Henrietta Barnet exam? Thousands sat for 90 places!

megletthesecond · 06/10/2019 20:13

Waiting for Kendrick here.
I don't expect DD to get in but I can't complete her secondary application before we know for sure.

WingDefence · 06/10/2019 20:23

Yes waiting for results here. We’re in a county where you apply to schools individually but we are waiting for one result which should be this Wednesday and then another result next Wednesday. We’re out of catchment for both and the catchment schools aren’t great.

Part of me wishes we didn’t have grammars as although they are totally the right type of school for DS, I can’t help but feel that the local normal comps would be better for bright/gifted children if grammars didn’t exist. Does that make sense?

Original poster
Asvan · 06/10/2019 21:25

We are waiting for the Heckmondwike results. Anyone else have experience of when the results are usually released? Mid October seems a bit vague.

OP posts:
Generallybewildered · 06/10/2019 21:45

@WingDefence - absolutely!! My dd is naturally academic but the whole system has dragged us both down. I know a grammar is best for her but I wish we had some “normal” comps so she didn't have to go through it.

NearlyGranny · 06/10/2019 21:54

Perfect sense! I hate to hear of such young children under such pressure, including tutoring beforehand - which some families can afford and others can't - to ensure children know the right way to wriggle through each hoop.

As for the devastation of being told at 11 that you're not up to it, well....

Let's make all our schools good, and let's never forget that, for decades, unknown to children and parents, the pass marks were tweaked to ensure equal numbers of boys and girls went to grammar schools. The girls had to meet a higher pass mark, meaning some girls were told they'd failed when boys with the same or lower marks got in.

mummydoris2006 · 07/10/2019 00:28

We were in this position three years ago. With no preparation our daughter passed, the hardest part I found to deal with was the parent's of children that didn't pass! Many children had been receiving tuition for a couple of years and there were tears from some of the parents when their child didn't pass. I felt so sorry for those kids, how awful to have your mum crying in the playground because you've not passed an exam. Literally every parent who spoke to me who's child hadn't passed told me they hadn't wanted to go to the grammar school and had failed on purpose 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. I want to grammar school and my husband went to a comp. He earns twice what I do in a year so try not to see it as the be all and end all OP and good luck 🤞

Original poster
Asvan · 07/10/2019 00:51

Thank you.

I know it won't be the be all and end all but as every other parent, I just want her to get the best opportunities in life. I know she will do well wherever she goes, but I just feel like she will be more suited to the grammar school environment as she is so bright.

OP posts:
JARA123 · 07/10/2019 21:14

Hi everyone,
I was in a similar situation last year,
A Very very important thing to note is when you talk about it in front of the child, Don't say " pass " or " fail "
Because that's very unfair.
Don't ever make it like it's the end of the world if they don't get in.
There is so much pressure on the children nowadays regarding Grammar schools.
The nerves on the day are all over the place.
I've said to some parents just explain to your kids that it's a test, and if you get the marks on the day then we will consider the grammar school otherwise you will go to an ordinary school and excell anyway because you have our full support and trust, and give them examples of family members who went to normal schools and were successful. Or celebrities ect
When my son in law became a chartered accountant, he was working alongside people who had gone to rubbish universities in England, getting the same waige as him.
So ,I've learnt that in the end it doesn't matter.
It's about the child and the home atmosphere, the relationship with their parents and their circle of friends.
Hope that helps
Xxx

BelindasGleeTeam · 07/10/2019 21:19

Waiting for DS1.

Results next week. Birmingham got theirs today.

Mega competitive for Warwickshire. He wanted to try. We had group tutoring sessions for him to help as he lacks confidence and those have been worthwhile solely for the impact on his confidence alone, no matter whether he gets a grammar school place or not.

What will be will be. We are lucky in that there are no bad schools near us. He will do perfectly well in a comprehensive (in fact top set there may even be better for him) so I'm not anxious about the result. He's a lovely lad, he will be just fine.

NumberblockNo1 · 07/10/2019 21:25

Ours come out in a week. Im anxious as the fact there're grammar schools has a real knock on effect on local schools and Im not that enamoured with any of them.

We haven't prepped for ever like many people, and wondering how to play the results day. I know she will be disappointed, especially as her main school friends are other high flyers so it will very much be working out who "passed." I dont want to make too much of a thing of it but also want to support her if ahe feels u happy. Ita so hard.

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