Can I offer a different perspective? As a ‘left behind’ family member, I didn’t choose for my family to all emigrate. I didn’t choose to have to make a decision between letting those relationships drop to Skype at best or spending huge amounts of money and my precious annual leave going to a location that doesn’t in itself appeal to me. I didn’t make that choice but the effect seems to be that I have to suck it up and pay th price.
Agreeing expectations is the key for us in hosting and visiting our overseas family. Both my parents and my sister emigrated. They want to keep up close relationships with us and we with them, so we try to visit them as often as we can afford. But that costs us a lot, and frankly we wouldn’t go to those places if it weren’t to see our family - maybe once, but certainly not repeatedly. So yes, when we visit we do expect to be fed as part of the family. But if we go out we pay our share, and we make sure we treat them to a meal as a thank you. And when we visit my sister it is during school holiday and we offer to take our nieces around with us for the week, at our expense, so they don’t have to go to (and pay for) a holiday child are camp that week.
But the flip side is true - when they go to the expense of visiting us, we feed them, and they share costs if we eat out, etc. Our family experience is that if you choose to move abroad you have to accept that if you want to maintain ‘home’ relationships you have to accept visitors who are in holiday mode, and accept that they are going the extra mile because they love you - they didn’t choose for you to emigrate and they didn’t choose the financial costs that puts on them to reciprocate the wish to maintain the relationship. My family members encourage friends to visit because they want to see them, but they accept that they need space to accommodate them and that the food bill will go up. But when they spend the money and time coming back here, we welcome them with open arms, make space for them and cook veggie/favourite recipes/use ingredients they can’t get where they live now.
If your MIL has a different expectation to you, you can seethe quietly or you can talk about it. Do you go ‘home’ as often as she comes to you? Does she really see her trips to you as holiday, or the expense and effort she has to go to, to see her family? It sounds as though your MIL hasn’t changed, just because you’ve decided to emigrate. She expected you to pay when you lived in the UK. Regardless of what she could afford, she’s just doing what she always has, just in a different location - which you, not she, chose to change. From her mindset, she’s paid out for long-haul plane tickets - that’s her contribution. If your DH isn’t bothered about the relationship, you can let it slide, not be available for visitors, not come back to the UK to visit her. But he does, he’s going to have to bite the bullet and discuss expectations, or you and he will have to accept the status quo.