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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to hate that people insist on using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

126 replies

Greysparkles · 05/10/2019 15:49

Constantly seeing threads toddlers and young children's having "meltdowns" when they really mean their child is having a tantrum.

I feel the use of it really diminishes the real meaning. I have a 10 year old who is prone to meltdowns. Proper sensory meltdowns and it is dangerous for him and others who happen to be near him at times. This is noy a tantrum and I find it a bit insulting that people are taking by the word to somehow insinuate how bad their kids tantrums are.

OP posts:
WaynettaSlobOnTheSchoolRun · 05/10/2019 15:51

But you don't know if they really are talking about meltdowns. My toddler DS has (short lived) tantrums. DD(5) had meltdowns. Complete total and utter loss of control.

Alwaysgrey · 05/10/2019 15:51

I have two children with asd. I feel exactly the same. Meltdown seems to have replaced the word tantrum. I find it frustrating as it diminishes in my opinion what happens to my dc.

NorthEndGal · 05/10/2019 15:52

I dont think they are doing it to upset, and one person's bad tantrum might be another persons meltdown

Original poster
Greysparkles · 05/10/2019 15:54

and one person's bad tantrum might be another persons meltdown

No. No. And no again.
They are completely different things!!!

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 05/10/2019 15:54

They aren't using the word incorrectly though. It has been "taken on" (don't know how to phrase it) to mean a trait of autism but a tantrum can be a meltdown.

Meltdown- an uncontrolled emotional outburst or a mental collapse

BuffaloCauliflower · 05/10/2019 15:57

You think meltdown has a specific medical meaning - it doesn’t. The word meltdown doesn't have a specially protected ASD connotation, what you call a tantrum can just as validly be called a meltdown by someone else.

MmmBlowholes · 05/10/2019 15:57

Meltdown is a perfectly reasonable word to use in all scenarios, it's just that it has been associated with autism.

CrunchyCrumpet · 05/10/2019 15:59

YABU it doesn't 'diminish' anything, words surprisingly enough can have multiple meanings.

Pricedrop · 05/10/2019 15:59

during my 8yo dds tantrum, she has kicked out my car windscreen and knocked me out with a metal scooter. it's not a tantrum

tabulahrasa · 05/10/2019 16:02

“They are completely different things!!!”

They’re not always though...

Toddler tantrums can be anything from having a hissy fit about not being allowed a sweet through to just not being able to deal with what’s going on, not knowing how to express it and it coming out as upset and anger.

I have one DC with an ASD and one who’s NT... and I think some toddler tantrums are definitely meltdowns tbh...

I don’t know how to cope with all this stuff around me, or what I can do to fix it - so I’m going to just express a load of raw emotion.

PullingMySocksUp · 05/10/2019 16:06

I wouldn’t know the difference really. What is it?

Easterndream · 05/10/2019 16:08

If I understand correctly the OP is saying she doesn't like the minimising of meltdowns into toddler tantrums( something fairly common). However the word meltdown does not refer solely to someone on the autistic spectrum. A meltdown can be experienced by others with different conditions and not be any less severe or traumatic. I think it's the way it is used to exaggerate a toddler's behaviour and to extract sympathy for the parent etc that the OP dislikes.

Wonderbag · 05/10/2019 16:17

I don’t think it’s to extract sympathy for the parent. Rather it’s more empathetic towards the child who is overwhelmed
While a tantrum could be taken as something a child is choosing due to being demanding or spoilt.

Alittleodd · 05/10/2019 16:22

To me tantrum means kicking off about not getting their own way, a tantrum is something with an end goal for the tantrummer.

A meltdown is something beyond a child's control - emotional outbursts as a result of tiredness, hunger, overwhelm would be "meltdowns" in my vernacular.

Easterndream · 05/10/2019 16:23

I see what you mean wonderbag. In the sense that a tantrum can be seen as a behaviour to intentionally obtain something, whereas meltdown would be used to describe loss of control.

Fluffiest · 05/10/2019 16:28

Sorry, YABU, words have multiple meanings and layers.

Meltdown isn't a purely medical word. It's not like when people are saying they are a bit OCD about their CD collection.

And toddler "tantrums" can turn into meltdowns. I've seen DD shouting and stomping to get her way and then get more upset when that doesn't work and then grows more and more distressed, and angry and confused to the point where she doesn't even know what she wants anymore and just needs to be held securely so she doesn't hurt herself until it passes and she comes back to her senses. She's not autistic, she's just a two year old learning to handle difficult emotions. Parenting through that phase of life is tough and trying to police the language parents use doesn't really help anyone.

LolaSmiles · 05/10/2019 16:29

I know what you mean. I think there's a bit of talking up normal toddler tantrums by calling it meltdowns, but then that also goes hand in hand with a growth in talking up other normal emotional responses e.g. nervous or feeling anxious about a situation= anxiety / feeling upset over something = depressed / liking things to be neat and tidy = 'a bit OCD'.

A meltdown doesn't have to be linked to the autistic spectrum, but pathologising entirely typical responses in that way is really unhelpful)

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2019 16:29

You think meltdown has a specific medical meaning - it doesn’t. The word meltdown doesn't have a specially protected ASD connotation, what you call a tantrum can just as validly be called a meltdown by someone else.

That's what I was thinking.

Maneandfeathers · 05/10/2019 16:30

Why does it matter? Confused

Surely the only ‘tantrum’ or ‘meltdown’ anybody cares about is that of their own child, I care even less about what people call them Confused

JemSynergy · 05/10/2019 16:30

Not something I would stress about. Hence why I live quite a stress free life as I don't tend to lose sleep over things like this.

museumum · 05/10/2019 16:33

The word “tantrum” is very negative. It implies the child knowingly stamping their feet to get something they want or not do something they don’t want to.
My dc as a toddler had tantrums about getting in the buggy and about leaving the park.
But, he also had emotional or sensory overwhelm where he was not trying to get something but was literally unable to control his feelings. He would be upset and scared and out of control. He doesn’t have asd but that second kind of event I might term an emotional meltdown.

MorrisZapp · 05/10/2019 16:34

Nah. Meltdown refers to power stations (I think?) but has come into use meaning something different. I say DP 'will have a total meltdown' over something when my literal meaning is he'll tut, throw his hands up and maybe swear.

Like nightmare. It means anything that's difficult or annoying to go through, in addition to meaning a bad dream.

Hesafriendfromwork · 05/10/2019 16:34

My child has asd and has meltdowns.

Yabu. This word has been adopted as a term relating to autisim. But before that just mean meltdown, not asd associated meltdown.

Besides which NT kids can have meltdowns too. They arent tantrums. My beat friends daughter is 5, NT and sometimes meltdown after school. People forget that school is an incredibly difficult environment for NT children too especially when they are small. My friend daughter find s sine days very overwhelming. But she is definitely NT. But, like all of us, she sometimes has a day where she just cant take anymore and doesnt know what to do with herself. It's not a tantrum. It's not because someone has said no to her etc

I am an NT adult and last week I didn the same. Shit day at work. Drive 3 hours to a site, 5 hours back because of traffic, neighbour caught me in my way in moaning about another neighbour etc.

By the time I got into bed, I couldnt really think straight and sobbed. Dp didnt know what to do with me.

WarshipWarrior · 05/10/2019 16:37

Its almost as though people seek out things to be "offended" by these days. OP you're being ridiculous I'm sorry but meltdown is not a medical word related to a specific issue, it's not a "protected" word. YABU.

DialANumber · 05/10/2019 16:37

But I choose to use the word meltdown over using the word tantrum.

I feel tantrum is a term used by precious generations before we gained a better understanding of chikd development and changed our expectations accordingly. My DC v rarely have a tantrum in the sense that people take that to mean - being spoilt or manipulative. They far more often have meltdowns - where they become so distressed they can't remeber what made them feel that way and then become even more upset and anxious. Meltdown describes it perfectly.

I had no idea that the word had been ring fenced in any way. Surely its like fit could mean seizure and be true, but called also mean fit of rage and be true?

I refuse to use the term tantrum anyway.

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