Aibu to hate that people insist on using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

[Greysparkles]

Constantly seeing threads toddlers and young children's having "meltdowns" when they really mean their child is having a tantrum.

I feel the use of it really diminishes the real meaning. I have a 10 year old who is prone to meltdowns. Proper sensory meltdowns and it is dangerous for him and others who happen to be near him at times. This is noy a tantrum and I find it a bit insulting that people are taking by the word to somehow insinuate how bad their kids tantrums are.

museumum
Though as you say, there is a difference between a tantrum and meltdown.

All kids have tantrums and calling them meltdowns presumably because it might sound a little less negative because tantrums might sound negative would be people being deliberately economical with language (presumably because other people's children might have a tantrum but theirs wouldn't)

I feel the same way, OP, but when you think about it, a meltdown is a severe nuclear accident, and its use to refer to a person crying, screaming, throwing things, etc, for whatever reason, trivialises the horror of a nuclear meltdown, so I guess Y (and I) ABU.

Sorry but you don’t get to decide how people interpret their children’s behavior.

Maybe they use the word meltdown because they see tantrum as some way of admitting to bad parenting, not that it does.
All 3 of ours had a tantrum when little, I just laughed and said how silly they looked, they soon stopped.

Also think you’re being very precious and judgemental to be honest. ‘Tantrum’ implies bad behavior and is an unfair word to use a lot of the time. I would never stop using the word ‘meltdown’ just because you feel that your childs meltdowns are worse and therefore more deserving of the word

I don't like the word tantrum as it suggests the behaviour of a small child that isn't getting his or her own way.

Meltdown describes a response to an overwhelming sensory experience, but it is not just applicable to children on the autism spectrum, neuro typical children can have sensory meltdowns too.

I hate it when people use "triggered" to mean "this slightly upset me" rather than "this put me in a flashback situation due to my diagnosed PTSD."

But eh, language evolves.

I have an autistic child who has had 'meltdowns' and I do think you are being overly precious about the word. I use it myself sometimes to describe my moods. Its definitely not a protected word that can ONLY apply to children with autism.

I feel the use of it really diminishes the real meaning.

This real meaning?

meltdown
noun [ C or U ]
UK /ˈmelt.daʊn/ US /ˈmelt.daʊn/
meltdown noun [C or U] (NUCLEAR)
an extremely dangerous situation in a nuclear power station in which the nuclear fuel becomes very hot and melts through its container and escapes into the environment.

Or this one?

informal
an occasion when a person becomes extremely upset and is not able to deal with a problem or situation

I don't see how the latter meaning prevents people from using it about their toddlers. I would think that that is EXACTLY what happens when toddlers are having what you describe as a tantrum.

OP, suggest you start referring to your child's episodes as an "autistic meltdown". Maybe that will help to convey the gravitas of the situation seeing as meltdown is being used in the NT world as a synonym for tantrum.

It's actually only been since I've started using MN I've learned that meltdown has another 'meaning'. My friends with kids have always used it just to mean prolonged crying and screaming, and that's how I've always understood it. I'm not sure the SN meaning of it is that widely known outside of limited circles, so you are probably BU as most people will just use it as a normal word like tantrum.

Perhaps if it becomes more widely accepted as having a special meaning for a certain group, but I think it's such a mainstream word that's used in so many situations, that will take a long time.

It irritates me, too. Nothing to do with it being more appropriate for describing what happens to children with SEN (although I’m sure it is). I just feel tantrum was a perfectly reasonable descriptive term for the loss of control experienced by toddlers, but that they should usually grow out of if handled correctly. I don’t particularly want to hear “meltdown” used to describe an eight year old kicking off because he/she is spoiled rotten.

There'a a huge difference between the two, recognised by parents of autistic kids which parents of NT kids won't have seen and mostly don't understand.

A tantrum is something that happens when a child can't have what they want, you can tell it's a tantrum because when you give them the desired object, the undesirable behaviour stops.

Yes, I know, sometimes their expectations aren't reasonable and you can't give them the desired thing, (No, you can't take next door's Great Dane for a walk on your own) but if you could fulfil that expectation, the tantrum would stop. In short, tantrums are seen as bad behaviour when a want is denied.

Meltdowns have nothing to do with wanting things, they are brought on by sensory overload and the child is absolutely overwhelmed with some or all of the sights sounds tastes touch, smells and intensity of lights in a particular place, to the point that they are totally disorientated and cannot distinguish one sensory input from another. The usual reaction to this is to scream and scream in the hope that the adult with them can make all the sensory overload stop.

Some children just bolt in terror, some lie down and scream, some kick and scream, but it's important to note that they aren't doing that because they desire a particular object, they are acting in that way because their senses are so overloaded they cannot shut them out and need to be removed from that location and placed somewhere more quiet and calm.

Post-meltdown, the child doesn't just return to their normal behaviour, often they are so exhausted they cannot function well and that can last into the next day or two until they recover their equilibrium.

I agree with Greysparkles, for a parent of an autistic child, it is a demeaning thing for parents of NT kids to say theirs are having a meltdown when they mean a tantrum, because they don't have a clue what an actual meltdown is as their child has never had one.

I'd also think that had this question been asked on the SN boards there would have been a lot of agreement because the posters there would immediately identify with the OP and would fully understand that this was yet another instance of their observations and daily life being minimised and trivialised by people who had not shared that experience and didn't fully understand the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.

Tantrum - foot stomping about getting own way

Meltdown - loss of control due to overwhelming emotion.

Both ASD or NT children can experience either at different times, surely? My NT 9 year old still has an occasional meltdown usually triggered by stress or exhausted. He's well past tantrums though.

But that's a meaning of meltdown that most people don't know. It's not about demeaning things or people; it's that the word has been co-opted by group of people to mean something specific that it doesn't for the rest of us. Meltdown as a word just means what it is in the dictionary to the vast majority of people, and it's a word they have used all their lives. In many respects, it would be more helpful if there was a new word coined for what the ASD community calls a meltdown, as it's very hard to take a word that is currently in daily use and try to change its meaning.

BlankTimes

I’m not sure they’re so absolutely separated as all that. My (to the best of my knowledge NT) toddler will sometimes have tantrums brought on by being asked to put her shoes on or being told she can’t have X, and while they are triggered by being denied a want, depending on how tired she is, whether she is feeling hungry or ill, whether it’s loud and busy and she just feels overwhelmed, she can lose control of the tantrum to the extent that the only thing that calms her down is time and being left to get it out of her system. She can’t help it. In that sense, it is a “meltdown” because it is involuntary and total. But I see tantrums as being like that too. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Toddlers do have meltdowns though? They’re unable to articulate themselves and don’t have full control.

I don’t think meltdown is only applicable to those with SEND

Toddlers are overwhelmed by emotions and feelings they can’t control

Not all NT children who have "meltdowns" are tantrumming because they want something. Sensory overload can happen to NT folks too, if the circumstances are right, I'm not trying to minimise the experience of ASD children or to claim that they are on a par with autistic meltdowns (which I have seen and I appreciate are often nowhere near in the same league) and I appreciate that it is a word used with a specific meaning within a particular community of parents but I don't think that should allow for the use of the term to be restricted to that group.

And I say this as an neuroatypical person whose condition is regularly misused as conversational shorthand.

“There'a a huge difference between the two, recognised by parents of autistic kids which parents of NT kids won't have seen and mostly don't understand”

Except one of mine does have autism, I understand meltdowns fine and recognise that NT toddlers can and do have meltdowns as well...

Look up any dictionary and you will find multiple definitions of the word meltdown.

No one owns it and it has more than one meaning.

Wow, NT children can only have tantrums, which are defined as something that happens when a child can't have what they want, you can tell it's a tantrum because when you give them the desired object, the undesirable behaviour stops. and can never be emotionally overwhelmed? That's as 'demeaning' as you argue from the other side.

My DS has SEN and I don't feel he actually has meltdowns though I do sometimes call them that. They are either periods of dysregulation or they are rages.
DD is (more) NT and has tantrums, and "collapses" where she Just Can't Any More Because She's 5 And It's All Too Much.
I have tantrums and also strops, and DH has strops.

We dont use the word ' meltdown' when an autistic child is in distress andclist control. The term in use now is that they are ' in crisis'

Correction ' and lost control'