Aibu to hate that people insist on using the word meltdown when they mean tantrum?

[Greysparkles]

Constantly seeing threads toddlers and young children's having "meltdowns" when they really mean their child is having a tantrum.

I feel the use of it really diminishes the real meaning. I have a 10 year old who is prone to meltdowns. Proper sensory meltdowns and it is dangerous for him and others who happen to be near him at times. This is noy a tantrum and I find it a bit insulting that people are taking by the word to somehow insinuate how bad their kids tantrums are.

We all know that run of the mill toddler strop so it's a bit much if someone starts passing it off as more than a normal tantrum

But that's what I am saying. You dont know. Thay toddler may be having a meltdown because they have recently had a cold and not slept well for days, fallen over that day and bumped themseleves, might be overwhelmed by noise in the shop or all the toys and sounds or may not be verbal enough to Express themselves.

The parents know all this and may know their child isnt usually like that and is having a meltdown.

Meltdown is not a clinical word. Ita been adopted that doesnt make it it's only meaning. It also doesnt mean that those of us who have kids with ASD all of sudden get the right to tell people they are using it wrong or infact their child is just simply having a tantrum.

YABU.

I have a dc and other extended family members with diagnosed conditions who do have meltdowns in the way you mean. But it doesn’t make sense to be possessive of the word.

It’s fine for anyone to say meltdown imo, and fine for it to have different applications. Including as a colloquial description for a basic stroppy tantrum.

"oh little Jimmy has a massive meltdown when I told him he couldn't have that toy in the shop"

So what?

So what if tantrum and meltdown are used interchangeably by the majority of people? It doesn't stop people from being sympathetic to parents of autistic children.

Also, I don't know anyone who uses "meltdown" because it sounds more acceptable than "tantrum". Most people aren't bragging when they talk about these things, they are mostly just saying "I've had a really difficult day being a parent and it was hard work managing little Jimmy. And I'm hoping I did the right things today and tomorrow will be better".

Maybe try and just be sympathetic and supportive, rather than internally correcting their word choice.

Just because your kid has “ASD” it doesn’t mean you get to police the language others use.

If you want to own words make your own up rather than claim perfectly common ones which have existed for decades. I do kind of see what you mean but you’re only annoyed because you’ve mistakenly felt that the word should only apply to autism.

Again, where have I said it should only apply to autism?? And where have I said my child has ASD?
Christ alive, talk about people making up their own narratives

If someone has a child prone to ‘real’ meltdowns then complaining about the use of a word should be the least of their worries.

Most people in real life don’t give a whole lot of time to thought to the phrases they use and particularly in relation to not worrying about what some other random person taking offence.

Ok some people misuse words (I’ve disputed meltdown though). Like when people say they’re depressed when they’re just feeling down. Or I had an anxiety attack when they didn’t have one in line with some clinical definition.

Most aren’t being malicious. They most probably won’t have the same level of knowledge compared to people who are clinically diagnosed as depressed. No point throwing a strop against people who are not acting maliciously

Again, where have I said it should only apply to autism?? And where have I said my child has ASD?
Christ alive, talk about people making up their own narratives

So why on earth are you so upset about it?! What difference does it honestly make to you? And how do you, a total stranger, know whether a child is having a tantrum or a meltdown better than their parents? I find it odd that this bothers you so much. It's like you're offended on the behalf of others who aren't offended by it because people can actually use whichever description they wish, ultimately, when discussing their child's behaviour.

I am a parent to a neurodiverse child who has meltdowns.
I also use the word meltdown to describe what some would call a tantrum in a toddler.

Toddlers get emotional and sensory overload. They get emotionally overwhelmed. That can lead to meltdowns. What many write off as 'a tantrum because a child can't get their own way ' is actually a distressed child who can't cope, in that moment. That's not to say tantrums don't happen too.

When an older child or an adult with ASD, SPD, ADHD or another form of neurodivergence experiences emotional or sensory overload, they too may have a meltdown. But it is not the exclusive preserve of the neurodiverse.

In NT people their development means the incidences of getting overloaded decrease overtime. The ability to handle bigger emotions and sensory inputs grows. That doesn't mean they weren't having genuine meltdowns when small. It doesn't mean they will never have a meltdown again.

My 20 year old son does not have tantrums , he has meltdowns and they often mean he curls up in a ball and screams.

When he was a child, the meltdowns were qualitatively different from tantrums (which he could also have). However, a tantrum could lead into a meltdown

I know someone who says their toddler has had an horrendous meltdown when it is a tantrum so I get what you mean.
I tend to avoid using meltdown and talk about my son becoming distressed and distressed incidents to make it about his feelings rather than how others perceive the behaviour.

Ugh i hate all this language police bullshit

Stop using word A because its offensive. Use word B instead

~some time later~

Stop using word B because its offensive. Use word C instead

Stop using word C because its offensive. Use word D instead

Etc etc

Its just a way for people to try and exert power over others without actually contributing to dealing with the matter.

I disagree @araiwa actually because for a start, the world meltdown isn’t a derogatory term.

What you’re describing is different.

These discussions are actually worth having. Let’s not shut down debate!

Again, where have I said it should only apply to autism?? And where have I said my child has ASD?

But your child has meltdowns? So what if someone decided that actually meltdown should now only apply when related to asd?

Or tells you that actually they believe your child is actually only having a tantrum?

You seem to be keen to tell someone you know the difference between their childs tantrums and meltdowns and judge the appropriate word, but cant imagine you would appreciate people telling you the same.

@silly0ne but that's your definition.

I think meltdown is a much better word to be honest. For generations, toddler behaviour has been put down to having "tantrums" which to me sounds much more like the child is choosing to behave that way. They aren't really, they just have limited ways to express their upset. Meltdown is used by people who want to ensure that it is understood that their child is not choosing this behaviour. I actually think the word promotes more understanding of toddler behaviour.

I disagree that its a debate worth having.
An conclusion reached is worthless and has zero impact on the matter.

Its meaningless chatter done whilst people sit with their thumbs up their arses that solves nothing

Hi,

@pavlovafaith, I do agree. However, whilst 'meltdown' captures the nature of behaviour being outside the child's immediate control, there is also the danger that by considering all behaviour as an involuntary response, we can inadvertently reinforce 'negative' behaviours.

So, perhaps the real issue is not the terminology we use to refer to the behaviour our children/young people express, but rather it is how we respond to the behaviour.

People "insist" on using meltdown? So you've told them to stop already? Maybe they do mean meltdown. It's not a clinical term. One person's emotional outburst doesn't trump another's.
For goodness sake, this is twaddle.

At least they're not calling it a paddy.....now that I would get upset about....

whatashitshow1 there is a post on this thread using that delightful phrase. I reported it last night and got an email acknowledging the report but it's still there this morning.

I thought MN had got much better at deleting that phrase. Just sending a follow-up email now.

Sigh...

I thought MN had got much better at deleting that phrase. Just sending a follow-up email now.

Its very odd, everytime I report a slur thats connected to Irish people it's taken several reports to have it removed. I am Irish and think its appalling.

Historically MN has been utterly terrible with racism directed at Irish people (and I suspect lots of other racism too). I did grudgingly think things had gotten better, I reported "throwing a paddy" on a thread a few weeks back and it instantly disappeared.

I've done an advanced search and reported four or five other instances of the same phrase over the past couple of days.

Oh Mumsnet

That's actually made my night

A tantrum IMO is when a child isn't getting their own way about something. IE child had a tantrum in Asda because I refused to buy her a certain toy.
A meltdown is when a sensory overload occurs and the child or adult can't process anymore "stuff" and needs time and space to get themselves together again.