Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 16 year old go away for weekend

108 replies

67bird · 05/10/2019 08:38

Hi, feeling a little bit unfair, my 16 year old ds, great kid, always does as he told, he goes to sixth form, he went for a part time job interview on Tuesday was told he may get a call Friday or Monday if he got the job and would need to do a 3 hour trial shift. On Wednesday he asks if he can go away with his friends family for the weekend to visit their relatives, we told him only if he didn’t get a trial shift this weekend, he agreed to this. Yesterday he came out of school and had a missed call from the job, he tried to call back but the person he needed was in a meeting, while waiting for him to call back we reiterated that if he offers him a shift he can’t go, he totally agreed as if he did the trial this weekend he could start work next week. Then he gets the phone call, he comes into us and says he’s got a trial next weekend, I said oh I wonder why not this weekend, he said he did ask me to come in tomorrow but I said I couldn’t as I’m going away for the weekend at that we got cross at him and said he’s not going away now and made him cancel being picked up. My question AIBU for stopping him from going away

OP posts:
Myusername2015 · 05/10/2019 08:41

Yes I think you are. He was grown up enough to speak to the company and explain his prior commitment. If you have a great 16 year old who always does as he is told I’d be loosening the apron strings now and give him some independence or risk him rebelling.

Splenny · 05/10/2019 08:42

YABU! He’s 16 not 6! He’s sorted it out with his job so why can’t he go?

Amicompletelyinsane · 05/10/2019 08:43

Yup I think you were harsh. He organised it with the company who clearly didn't have an issue with it. Why create one?

TheOliphantintheRoom · 05/10/2019 08:43

I think you should let him go. The employer should have treated your son with more consideration but didn't because he's just a kid.

StCharlotte · 05/10/2019 08:44

YABU.

Doubtless had they said "no it has to be this weekend" he'd have gone in. It's not like he's missing the opportunity as they're happy for him to do it next week. Given his good track record, I think might you owe him an apology.

Fleetheart · 05/10/2019 08:44

Agree, why would you stop him.

straighttalker33 · 05/10/2019 08:44

YABU. He isn't a child and he will only grow to resent you if you stop him from doing things. It's not even a 'wild' trip that most 16 year olds would be going on... would you rather he lied to you about it?

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 05/10/2019 08:45

I think YABU too OP, he sounds as if he’s dealt with it in a mature fashion.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 05/10/2019 08:46

I don’t understand why you would stop him going away?

SoFookingTired · 05/10/2019 08:46

YABU, totally. He was sensible enough to organise a trial shift for next weekend. I would let him go.

thedevilinablackdress · 05/10/2019 08:46

I genuinely don't understand. Why would you stop him?

TheOliphantintheRoom · 05/10/2019 08:47

Scrap what i said about the employer (was reading your OP without specs)! They are actually treating DS with consideration. Your son was honest with you - he could have fibbed.

dalmatianmad · 05/10/2019 08:48

Deffo BU! He sounds really lovely and mature.
Hes arranged it the following weekend so what's the issue? Hes 16 and likely to be working till hes 70. Cut him some slack the poor lad.

northerngirl2012 · 05/10/2019 08:48

Not sure why you stopped him going, I’d take him to the relatives this morning.

MsJaneAusten · 05/10/2019 08:48

The employer should have treated your son with more consideration but didn't because he's just a kid.
The employer did treat him with consideration. They moved the trial shift because the ‘kid’ was mature enough to explain.

OP, I think you’ve been harsh. He managed it well, securing both trial and weekend away. Can you say ‘I’ve thought about it some more and actually...’ then get him to his weekend?

Apolloanddaphne · 05/10/2019 08:49

He has made plans which suit him. Seems reasonable to me. Why would you stop him going away?

MsJaneAusten · 05/10/2019 08:49

X-post, the Oliphant.

boringisasboringdoes · 05/10/2019 08:50

Yabu totally unreasonable
You are not thinking about the bigger picture. What are you teaching him?
He solved the problem with negotiation and you should be proud of him.
Instead you are sticking to your guns and being stubborn.
If he gets the job presumably he will be tied to home at weekends in future.
You should definitely let him go

Is this a reverse though?

Heyboyo · 05/10/2019 08:51

YABU. Massively

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 05/10/2019 08:53

You are being very unreasonable and unfair.

CherryPavlova · 05/10/2019 08:53

I think you’re being overly harsh. The lads sorted himself out and negotiated with the employer so should be allowed to follow through his plans.

Spookydot · 05/10/2019 08:53

Yes you are being unreasonable.
Your teenager has organised himself an interview, did well enough to be asked back and negotiated a trial session.
All very positive and proactive. I think you need to have a bit more trust and faith in him now.
You’ve obviously done a good job with him so you should be proud!

Original poster
67bird · 05/10/2019 08:53

They didn’t say a specific day next week, they just said they will look at the rota and see what was available. I stopped him going as he was told he could only go if he didn’t get a shift, also it would be a wild weekend, every time he’s been before with these people he comes back with bumps and bruises and says oh I fell over when I was drunk one night, he’s also very tired when he comes back from staying with them as they stay up until around 3 in the morning playing computer games

OP posts:
1066vegan · 05/10/2019 08:55

He sounds lovely. If he'd just said outright that he couldn't do the shift then you'd been within your rights to be annoyed but that isn't what's happened. He's organised a win-win situation where everyone (dc, employer, dc's friend and family) are all happy.

Let him go.

Seeline · 05/10/2019 08:55

Wow - I think for a 16yi to have managed to successfully negotiate a trial at a time to suit him is admirable. As an aside, u think it shows the other side to be keen on having him too.

He should not be punished for this. If he'd refused the trial that would've been different.