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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 16 year old go away for weekend

108 replies

67bird · 05/10/2019 08:38

Hi, feeling a little bit unfair, my 16 year old ds, great kid, always does as he told, he goes to sixth form, he went for a part time job interview on Tuesday was told he may get a call Friday or Monday if he got the job and would need to do a 3 hour trial shift. On Wednesday he asks if he can go away with his friends family for the weekend to visit their relatives, we told him only if he didn’t get a trial shift this weekend, he agreed to this. Yesterday he came out of school and had a missed call from the job, he tried to call back but the person he needed was in a meeting, while waiting for him to call back we reiterated that if he offers him a shift he can’t go, he totally agreed as if he did the trial this weekend he could start work next week. Then he gets the phone call, he comes into us and says he’s got a trial next weekend, I said oh I wonder why not this weekend, he said he did ask me to come in tomorrow but I said I couldn’t as I’m going away for the weekend at that we got cross at him and said he’s not going away now and made him cancel being picked up. My question AIBU for stopping him from going away

OP posts:
Icantthinkofanewname87 · 05/10/2019 08:56

OP it’s unanimous that you’re being very unreasonable by not letting your poor son go. Are you going to listen to the advice you asked for and let him go, or just continue to justify your bad decision?

Idontwanttotalk · 05/10/2019 08:57

YABU. Your DS dealt with this in a mature way, explaining his prior commitment. He didn't lie to you when asked about it. They probably see him as loyal for not wanting to break a commitment he had made.

Sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

TheOliphantintheRoom · 05/10/2019 08:57

MsJaneAusten - I think I was pre-judging the employer unfairly because my nephew is looking for work to fit around his studies and getting the run around a lot.

Seeline · 05/10/2019 08:58

If you don't approve of the people he's going/staying with or don't like what he's getting up to, then refuse o those grounds AT THE TIME. Don't stop him for the wrong reasons.

TheOliphantintheRoom · 05/10/2019 08:58

Drip feed from the OP!

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 05/10/2019 08:58

I love it when someone is clearly BU so then adds information to support their view Grin

OP, don't forget to thank the single poster who arrives to agree with you, then flounce from this nest of vipers when you're significantly outnumbered Wink

Original poster
67bird · 05/10/2019 08:59

Now I do feel unfair, it’s too late now they’ve already gone. I guess I’ll be making up for it today. Thanks everybody

OP posts:
Raphael34 · 05/10/2019 08:59

Massive drip feed there op. And completely unrelated to the trial weekend. You are still being unreasonable

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/10/2019 08:59

YABU to punish him for asking for another time for the trial shift. He’s a child and doesn’t have to work anyway.

Not allowing him to go as there will be underage drinking is very different. I wouldn’t allow that at 16.

Raphael34 · 05/10/2019 08:59

Sexistroles pmsl

PancakeAndKeith · 05/10/2019 09:01

So they called him on Friday wanting him to work that weekend? That’s very short notice, there could be 100 reasons he couldn’t make it.

I think you didn’t want him to go and this is your excuse.

PooWillyBumBum · 05/10/2019 09:01

Poor boy, what difference did a week make, really? And you should be proud that he negotiated a later day for the trial shift.

KUGA · 05/10/2019 09:03

YABU.
He sounds like a really nice young man.
And fair play to him for looking for a job.
Unlike most lazy 16yr olds .
Let him go and have a bit of fun before the job { fingers x`d for him ]
kicks in.

1onelyranger · 05/10/2019 09:03

If you had other concerns about this family you'd have mentioned it in your OP. I think you've been very unfair and the relationship needs to evolve now that he's 16.

1onelyranger · 05/10/2019 09:04

Let him go and have a bit of fun before the job

It's too late isn't it. Now he's having neither a fun weekend nor starting his job.

AnyFucker · 05/10/2019 09:05

Bloody hell. Let him sort his own work pattern out.

You are going to have to stop micro managing him. I am surprised you haven't had a massive backlash from him for cancelling his weekend. He must be very in fear compliant

Cleverplayonwords · 05/10/2019 09:05

Yabvu. He organised the shift for next week and the employer seemed fine with that.

I can't believe you've made him stay at home, he'll remember that for a long time.

Very unfair and completely pointless.

MrsAJ27 · 05/10/2019 09:06

This is a very harsh punishment

He had a successful interview and got a trial shift and you still wouldn't let him go?!

Butchyrestingface · 05/10/2019 09:08

also it would be a wild weekend, every time he’s been before with these people he comes back with bumps and bruises and says oh I fell over when I was drunk one night

Possible contender for MN Drip Feed of the Year Awards 2019? 🙄

Award ceremony to be held on 21st January 2020 at the London Hilton, @67bird. Mark your diary!

NewElthamMum13 · 05/10/2019 09:09

YABU - you are trying to punish your DS because he didn't do exactly what you said, without questioning whether your initial orders were reasonable, or whether another solution might have been possible. He used his initiative and came up with a different solution. He's 16 and your relationship has to evolve because soon he'll be the one making all the decisions. You have an opportunity here to show that you appreciate his maturity and ability to solve his own problems.

chamenanged · 05/10/2019 09:09

You do wonder why some people have kids at all.

NotSorry · 05/10/2019 09:10

Drip drip drip

Still unreasonable

Kab30 · 05/10/2019 09:11

Make it up to him ...
Take him to where they are...or out him on the train...he will love you forever xx

Pinkflipflop85 · 05/10/2019 09:13

Yabvu.

On another note I would be wary if the 'trial' shift. Lots of places round our area do this as a way of getting free labour and a job never materialises.

NewElthamMum13 · 05/10/2019 09:15

How about making it up by taking him to catch up with his friends?