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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 16 year old go away for weekend

108 replies

67bird · 05/10/2019 08:38

Hi, feeling a little bit unfair, my 16 year old ds, great kid, always does as he told, he goes to sixth form, he went for a part time job interview on Tuesday was told he may get a call Friday or Monday if he got the job and would need to do a 3 hour trial shift. On Wednesday he asks if he can go away with his friends family for the weekend to visit their relatives, we told him only if he didn’t get a trial shift this weekend, he agreed to this. Yesterday he came out of school and had a missed call from the job, he tried to call back but the person he needed was in a meeting, while waiting for him to call back we reiterated that if he offers him a shift he can’t go, he totally agreed as if he did the trial this weekend he could start work next week. Then he gets the phone call, he comes into us and says he’s got a trial next weekend, I said oh I wonder why not this weekend, he said he did ask me to come in tomorrow but I said I couldn’t as I’m going away for the weekend at that we got cross at him and said he’s not going away now and made him cancel being picked up. My question AIBU for stopping him from going away

OP posts:
Tweefutom · 05/10/2019 10:26

You’ve acknowledged that it was the wrong decision OP. Nobody’s perfect.

Can you talk to him and explain you think you were too harsh and make it up to him?

Iwantacookie · 05/10/2019 10:31

I dont understand why you were interfering. Hes 16 not 6.
Apologise and take him up to his friends. If you carry on like this once he moves out you'll lose him completely. I rarely see my dm because see tried to pull stupid shit like this.

Original poster
67bird · 05/10/2019 10:34

I’ve had a good chat with him this morning, he obviously knows I wasn’t being spiteful and sort of understands why I did it, he knows he shouldn’t have agreed with me but didn’t think he’d get a shift. Definitely hasn’t got the hump with me as he said his usual “love you mum” as I left his room, then asked for a lift to the station to go to a different friends house. No lasting damage done

OP posts:
1onelyranger · 05/10/2019 10:38

Everything he does is my business while he’s still a child, I need to know where and what he’s doing to make sure he’s safe.

But he'd have been as safe doing the shift next weekend as this, you're using that as a defence.

Just read your update, sounds as if all's well that ends well.

italianfiat · 05/10/2019 10:39

he obviously knows I wasn’t being spiteful and sort of understands why I did it,

Really?

None of us do Hmm

italianfiat · 05/10/2019 10:42

The fact that he isn't much fussed and you think no lasting damage has been done is rather telling. What you did really wasn't ok or a reasonable response to his actions. If he is resigned to your super control over him to the point where he doesn't care about you stopping him going on a weekend away I would reckon the damage has already been done.

Rachelover60 · 05/10/2019 10:51

Yes, he is so young he is entitled to go away with friends, people of his age have fun, there's plenty of time to refuse because of work commitments later.

motherheroic · 05/10/2019 10:55

No fun weekend and no job trial to go to. Good one.

middlemuddle · 05/10/2019 10:57

Sooo from your post about the bruises and wild weekend you just don't actually want him to go, it's not about the job.

BloggersBlog · 05/10/2019 11:03

Ah he sounds lovely. Glad you have talked to him about it. He went against what you had asked, and he has accepted that. You went a bit OTT, you've accepted that.
I have many times too as Im sure a lot of us here have

chamenanged · 05/10/2019 12:18

But you literally were being spiteful Confused there was no logical motivation.

Toodlesdeary · 05/10/2019 12:32

I’d feel even worse that he’s not kicking up a fuss about it. I think 16 is a bit old for your mum to be interfering so heavily and even then I don’t believe in ‘punishment’ that inconveniences others i.e. the family taking him.

BarbedBloom · 05/10/2019 12:36

YABU and you need to stop micro managing, as someone else said. I also think you need to accept that he is getting too old for you to choose his friends as well.

BarbedBloom · 05/10/2019 12:37

Oh and you were being spiteful

rainbowunicorn · 05/10/2019 12:39

You have been horrible to your son. If you continue like this you will push him away. The age he is at now is exactly when he should be seeking more independence and making decisions for himself. The employer had no problem with it. You have done this out of spite to try and continue your control over him.
I actually can't believe anyone could be so horrid. You say yourself he is a good kid, why behave like that to him.
My 14 year old has a part time job. I take nothing at all to do with his communication with his employer. He arranges all his shifts, time of etc himself. My older son also had a job while at school and again it was not my place to dictate when he should work or not.

Original poster
67bird · 05/10/2019 12:40

i was typing a really long response about why I think I’m not being spiteful, as I’m actually a people pleaser and my other kids say I’m too soft and just give in to keep others happy, when I realised that no matter what I say the nasty messages will continue so end of this thread for me. Have a nice weekend everyone

OP posts:
toansweryourquestionyes · 05/10/2019 12:48

Were you worried that if he wasn’t able to do the trial shift this weekend he wouldn’t get the job? And concerned he wouldn’t be able to make the judgement call of knowing not to tell them he wasn’t available this weekend in case that happened? If that’s the case I can kind of understand why you were angry with him but not sure I condone the punishment just because there isn’t really a lesson to be taught here.

Original poster
67bird · 05/10/2019 13:02

toansweryourquestionsyes

That is exactly why, I explained this to him this morning and he said he could see where I was coming from and that’s why no harm done, he accepts that’s a possibility especially if there are others trialling this weekend he may miss out on the job all together

OP posts:
MyNeighboursAreWeird · 05/10/2019 13:14

This reply has been deleted

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MyNeighboursAreWeird · 05/10/2019 13:17

Oh and if I were your DS I would be rueing the day I plopped from your loins

toansweryourquestionyes · 05/10/2019 13:25

I think after this it’s now the time to just pull back and let him make his own mistakes

Original poster
67bird · 05/10/2019 13:29

MyNeiboursAreWeird
What a vile person you are

OP posts:
MyNeighboursAreWeird · 05/10/2019 13:33

Hahahaha.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 05/10/2019 13:35

Controlling much .

YABU

BenWillbondsPants · 05/10/2019 13:35

YABU. Totally unfair.