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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let 16 year old go away for weekend

108 replies

67bird · 05/10/2019 08:38

Hi, feeling a little bit unfair, my 16 year old ds, great kid, always does as he told, he goes to sixth form, he went for a part time job interview on Tuesday was told he may get a call Friday or Monday if he got the job and would need to do a 3 hour trial shift. On Wednesday he asks if he can go away with his friends family for the weekend to visit their relatives, we told him only if he didn’t get a trial shift this weekend, he agreed to this. Yesterday he came out of school and had a missed call from the job, he tried to call back but the person he needed was in a meeting, while waiting for him to call back we reiterated that if he offers him a shift he can’t go, he totally agreed as if he did the trial this weekend he could start work next week. Then he gets the phone call, he comes into us and says he’s got a trial next weekend, I said oh I wonder why not this weekend, he said he did ask me to come in tomorrow but I said I couldn’t as I’m going away for the weekend at that we got cross at him and said he’s not going away now and made him cancel being picked up. My question AIBU for stopping him from going away

OP posts:
BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 05/10/2019 09:17

Yabu. He seems like a good kid, he deserves a bit of down time. At least he's honest with you about where he's going. I can remember being that age getting seriously drunk at a house party that my parents knew nothing about Blush

AnyFucker · 05/10/2019 09:18

The "wild weekend" aspect makes no difference to my opinion

Waiting1987 · 05/10/2019 09:18

Poor boy. Can you not drop him off since you've ruined his weekend?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/10/2019 09:21

Poor sod. He sorted it out so he still had a trial but that wasn't good enough for you? How mean.

Serin · 05/10/2019 09:24

Wow OP.
That's just spiteful.
Poor kid.

italianfiat · 05/10/2019 09:26

That was really mean of you. You should have been saying well done to him for acting maturely and sorting out both his weekend and his trial shift.

As for the huge drip feed about bruises Hmm well that's another consideration he himself would have to make, or are you planning on never letting him leave the house once he gets a job 🤷‍♀️

I think you have been nasty to him for no reason other than he sorted out his own life without you suggesting it to him.

I hope you feel bad, this ridiculous control is simply horrible.

WatcherintheRye · 05/10/2019 09:27

He could have lied to you and said that was the only shift they'd offered him. Maybe next time that's exactly what he'll do. Most teens are going to exhibit 'wild' behaviour at some point (getting drunk, falling over, hangovers etc.) 16-18 is the perfect time for it imo, while they've still got the safety net of home and parents to (at least metaphorically) pick them up if they need it!

How far away are the friend and family? I'd drive him over if possible, if I were you.

Fiveletters · 05/10/2019 09:30

Yabu. I think you should take him/put him on the train.

60sbird · 05/10/2019 09:42

Ok, ok I get it, I was wrong. Maybe I am trying to hold on to him as he's my youngest, my others are 30 and 35 and have there own families. You can stop beating me up verbally, I agree I was wrong, I guess because we agreed he wouldn't go away if he got offered the shift and then he turned it down I got annoyed with him. I just spoke to him and he said he does want to work as he worked during the summer and enjoyed being able to buy £145 trainers and expensive clothes without asking me to buy them for him, so I'm not forcing him to work, he does really want to work.

1onelyranger · 05/10/2019 09:47

This is a very harsh punishment

Yes, but I'm not sure what the crime was Confused

I guess because we agreed he wouldn't go away if he got offered the shift and then he turned it down I got annoyed with him.

I can see how this would be annoying, going back on an agreement, but the key point is that he doesn't need to agree these kinds of things with you any more. I'd have a heart-to-heart with him, and let him know that you've had a re-think and realise that these are the kinds of decisions he needs to make on his own and you that you need to support.

TheOliphantintheRoom · 05/10/2019 09:48

OP - hide the thread now.

adaline · 05/10/2019 09:50

Why was the date of his trial shift anything to do with you in the first place? Hmm

Barbel · 05/10/2019 09:51

That's so unfair of you
He sensibly spoke to the employers and made arrangements to suit them and him. And you're punishing him???????

WickedGoodDoge · 05/10/2019 09:52

Poor kid! He acts maturely and manages to negotiate a time that suits both him and the potential employer and gets punished for it!

I’d be making it up to him by driving him to wherever his friend and their family are now.

saraclara · 05/10/2019 09:52

So he acted maturely in arranging the trial weekend properly, and you're response was to force him to flake on the family who were taking him away.
YOU were the person who inconvenienced people, not him. And at the last minute, too.

Elodie2019 · 05/10/2019 09:57

YABVU!

He accepted an invitation from his friend's family and you persuaded him to agree to drop out if and when a trial shift was offered? Rude.
The place of work is happy, he is happy. I don't see your problem.

Elodie2019 · 05/10/2019 10:00

I think you didn’t want him to go and this is your excuse.

This.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/10/2019 10:00

Blimey what was his reaction when you said he couldn’t go? I’d have just gone at that age if my mum had been so unreasonable.

NotSorry · 05/10/2019 10:14

Unlike most lazy 16yr olds

@KUGA nice generalisation there - my youngest Ds is currently 16 and doesn’t have a part time job - that doesn’t make him lazy - nor my other DS’s who also didn’t work at that age

Bellringer · 05/10/2019 10:16

He didn't turn it down he rearranged it. It's too late now to do the shift.
Can't he catch his friend up by getting a coach or something?

Original poster
67bird · 05/10/2019 10:16

For some reason it went to my old account that I couldn’t access anymore. Everything he does is my business while he’s still a child, I need to know where and what he’s doing to make sure he’s safe.

OP posts:
NaomiFromMilkShake · 05/10/2019 10:18

Six months before she died, my lovely friend sat with our other friends in my garden and told all of us to choose our battles with our teens very carefully, she had chosen the wrong battle and ended up NC with her nineteen year old for two years.

She didn't know she was dying at the time, but her words have stayed with me ever since and transformed my relationship with my son.

Choose carefully.

Passmethepepsi · 05/10/2019 10:18

I’m glad you’ve accepted YABU. We all get it wrong sometimes. What are you going to do to make it up to him?

italianfiat · 05/10/2019 10:20

Everything he does is my business while he’s still a child, I need to know where and what he’s doing to make sure he’s safe.

He was going with his friends family. Anyway, it's too late to use 'safety' as a reason when your OP is so very clear that it was spite.

Wonderland18 · 05/10/2019 10:26

He’s only 16 and if he wanted to pass up a trial shift for a weekend away then let him, he really is still young and if he didn’t want to put work before play he shouldn’t have to.
There’s plenty of time for that yet.

I’d definitely be making it up to him if I was you, he’s now got no trial shift and no weekend break because you weren’t happy he didn’t prioritise work. He’s still a boy, don’t force him to adult quite yet!