Husband buying other women drinks on night out?

[drinksatthebar]

NC as I don't want this thread following me around.

I don't know if IABU.

For context: DH and I happily married, no infidelity on either side, 2 pre-school age DC together.

Husband goes out last night and comes home around midnight but coherent and not particularly drunk. I ask him how his night was and what they got up to and in the midst of other stuff that happened during his evening he said he'd bought some girls a drink. I really didn't like this!! He and his colleagues are all married with kids - is this normal or appropriate? Would you be mad if your DH did this?

I should add: I quite frequently get bought drinks by men on nights out with my girlfriends and I always accept, even though I'm a married mum of 2! Goes without saying it never goes any further than a chat a laugh and a drink. Am I being a hypocrite then?

Additional context: The drinks were expensed through the company so he wasn't throwing away family money.

Sounds like you both want to flirt with strangers on nights out - being in a long term relationship with young children can get boring!

Think you just need to agree with each other what the boundaries are - eg flirting over drinks ok, one night stands not.

OP do you think maybe your DH has told you this because when you tell him you have accepted drinks off men on a night out he feels like you do now?

I personally would not like it if DH bought random women a drink but I also would definitely not accept a drink off random men either. I agree with PPs, "can i buy you a drink?" is often an opening chat up line if you dont know the person

I wouldn't be happy at all if my OH did that, but I wouldn't accept drinks from a man I didn't know either.
In your case it's pretty hypocritical, but if there was something more to it, I highly doubt your OH would have told you so I wouldn't worry too much.

I would not accept drinks from random men on a night out and I would not like my DP to buy random women drinks on a night out. You are both BU.

should add: I quite frequently get bought drinks by men on nights out with my girlfriends and I always accept, even though I'm a married mum of 2! Goes without saying it never goes any further than a chat a laugh and a drink. Am I being a hypocrite then?

Yes. Massive hypocrite.
You're both as bad as each other.

Total and utter hypocritical. Get a bloody grip.

hey babe, your wife's still got it

So you do it to wind him up. He's just done the same back.

Grow up ffs

Last man (apart from my husband) who bought me a drink was a colleague,who happens to be gay. Pretty certain he's not interested in me

Not the same whatsoever.

You haven't a leg to stand on.

Sounds like you both want to flirt with strangers on nights out - being in a long term relationship with young children can get boring!

Came here to say just this. He fancied a bit of a flirt, you obviously enjoy a flirt. It was part of his evening story telling so he wasn't trying to hide anything. Just go on with your Saturday.

Bit weird from you both tbh, that you'll accept drinks from men and he buys them for girls

I really don't get all the PPs over reactions about a husband buying a drink for a woman. I honestly wouldn't give a shit if my DH did that but then again, I actually trust him. Sounds like a lot of mumsnetters have trust issues in their marriage the need to work through. It's only a drink

@drinksatthebar yes I saw you had already said he owned it - do you really think directors of businesses can just legally put drinks for random women through as a business expense? That’s quite concerning. His accountant SHOULD I imagine post these expenses to his directors loan account which he will have to pay tax on if overdrawn at year end so it is family money in the same way that if he took you and the kids to the zoo and paid using the business account that would be family money and he’d be taxed on it.

Might just start my own business and all drinks etc on a night out are ‘on the company’

Surely I can’t be the first one to think this is a reverse?

Sounds to me like the husband has written it to prove his wife is being unreasonable...

I should add: I quite frequently get bought drinks by men on nights out with my girlfriends and I always accept, even though I'm a married mum of 2! Goes without saying it never goes any further than a chat a laugh and a drink. Am I being a hypocrite then?

Surely you have the intelligence to work out for yourself that this is laughably hypocritical?

Cor I haven’t had drinks bought for me since I was about 26.

I think it depends on the context. If it’s sending a bottle of fizz over to a table of women strangers then it’s clearly an invite to come over and chat but if they happened to all be chatting or already knew each other then it can def be innocent in a kind of “I’m getting a drink do you want one” way

Tbf people expensing their drinks tend to be crazy generous because they don’t really care and it makes them look/ feel good to throw the cash about

Men offer to buy you drinks because they are 'interested' in you. If you're not interested back, you definitely shouldn't be accepting their drinks, that is selfish of you. Let them spend their hard-earned cash on women who might be single and interested.

And yes I would be upset if my DH was buying random women drinks in bars. But if he knows that you accept drinks from random men in bars, perhaps that explains why he doesn't see anything wrong with it?

@PinkCrayon

I wouldnt be happy with this but I also wouldnt accept drinks from men on a night out.

This.

Yeah I also think both sides of this are weird.

Surely there’s the safety side to this too, I wouldn’t accept a drink off a random man and if I was sat at the bar and a man was talking to me and offered to buy me a drink I’d wonder what his agenda was and say no.

You both sound a bit disrespectful to your relationship.

What a storm in a hypocritical teacup. If you’re happy to accept drinks bought by others on a night out & tell him about it, you shouldn’t moan when he does the buying & tells you he’s done so.

It's considered politeness to buy the drinks for men and women in the group.

You're being a hypocrite.

If you're both happy with a drink and chat on a night out then great, go for it.
If you're unhappy with it then draw your lines and you both have to stick to it.

I always tell the guy who's buying me a drink that I'm married with kids!

And what? You think women who are married with kids, never have a ONS or an affair? Of course some do.

yes I tell him, in a "hey babe your wife's still got it!" kinda way.

So not only are you a hypocrite. You like to fuck with his head as well and make him jealous. Couldnt be arsed with the pathetic game playing.

My dp know he is lucky to have me and fancies me, because he just does. I dont have to tell him about other men who try and chat me up to keep his interest.

I think we’re supposed to be jealous of OP and her come hither ways and her director husband.

Yeah, not that I convinced either of those things are true. Or impressive.

I have been a director twice in my career. Once in my own business, so I was also a founding director. The business did well and I sold it. But being a director of it wasnt impressive. Director can be a title that means fuck all.

I am now a director in multimillion pound company and report straight to the CEO (also the founder). I earn far more Money now, than I did in my own business.

You see it on dating sites all the time 'company director'. It often means jackshit. Trying to make their one man business sound like an empire.

Also being chatted up on a night out is nithingbto brag about. I am a chunky 37 year old women. Not particularly attractive, I dont think. Dp, obviously, thinks I am stunning (genuinely dont see it myself). I get chatted up quite often and its annoying. Not brag worthy. My friends so too. Range of ages, body shapes etc.

I just dont get why OP would brag about being a dick to her husband and getting upset when he does exactly what she does?

Now the tables have turned and hopefully you've realised it's not appropriate for either of you to accept/ buy drinks from/ for strangers, maybe you could have an agreement not to do it any more... might make nights out less likely to cause future problems x

I don't see the problem with him buying other women a drink, if you're happy to accept drinks from other men.

I also don't think you're getting what people are saying about this being something that shouldn't be put through business accounts, unless it's a networking event or something.