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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give sibling a present?

118 replies

PlayerOne · 04/10/2019 22:06

Just wondering what the general consensus is on here as DH and myself disagree on this one...

4th and 2nd birthdays coming up for my 2 kids.
This is a similar age gap to me and my siblings and we always got a small token present on the others birthday to prevent jealousy etc. I am happy to do this for our 2, but my husband thinks this is unnecessary and that they need to learn that they won't always get presents, not wanting to spoil them, etc.

This is fair enough for when they're older, but the youngest one is too small to understand this yet and I can imagine he might get upset when his big brother is showered with gifts and attention and he gets nothing.

What has everyone else done for their children?

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 04/10/2019 22:08

I am 100% with your husband on this one, I absolutely hate the sibling present idea

Florencenotflo · 04/10/2019 22:12

Nope. I wouldn't do it. To put it harshly I think it does kids good to learn to take turns, it's not always about them and sometimes the limelight is on someone else. They get their own presents on their own birthday.

I see this in the same way as sports days where no one comes first. I get the advantages of this for kids that aren't sporty, but I think kids need to learn how to lose graciously and be happy for their friends and peers that do win.

CheshireDing · 04/10/2019 22:13

Similar gaps here, mine are 3,5 and 7 now, never done sibling presents and it’s never been a problem. They love it when it is each other’s birthdays, they are just excited for their sibling.

It was done when I was growing up and I hated it, it didn’t make you feel as special on your birthday.

CleverLoginName · 04/10/2019 22:14

100% with your husband

Unacceptable to have gifts on siblings birthday. It's their day once a year for the birthday.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 04/10/2019 22:15

I'm with your husband. Better for them to understand that birthdays are for the person celebrating before they start going to friends' parties and expect to be given gifts.

Dan68 · 04/10/2019 22:16

Mine have the two year age gap, and birthdays two days apart in the same month-the 17th and 19th March-and never have I ever done sibling presents and I never bloody will. Total indulgence unnecessarily

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 04/10/2019 22:16

Nope. Just help them to buy a gift for each other. The pleasure is in the giving.
Also teach them to share.

Mumofboth · 04/10/2019 22:17

Don’t do sibling presents, I agree with your DH. It’s one child’s special day, let them have that day. The 2 year old won’t be that fussed and the 4 year old will learn that each person gets presents on THEIR birthdays.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 04/10/2019 22:18

I would give a token present. If the younger child isn't yet two, they're just a baby.

siriusblackthemischieviouscat · 04/10/2019 22:18

Im completely with my husband on this. Your children need to learn the lesson that life doesn't revolve around them and sometimes other people take centre stage. If you do this with their sibling what are you going to do when its a cousins party or a friends?

Leeds2 · 04/10/2019 22:19

Absolutely not! Your DH is right, imo.

Newsheet · 04/10/2019 22:19

Your husband is right.

Sibling presents are a bit bonkers. Children need to learn that some days are special for others, and that their turn will come.

There is no age that is to low to start learning that.

FizzyIce · 04/10/2019 22:19

I think it’s a terrible idea, I’d never do that as sends out the wrong message

Drum2018 · 04/10/2019 22:19

I've never given a sibling a gift and think it's a ridiculous idea.

FizzyIce · 04/10/2019 22:21

You can still give him attention! It’s not as if you ignore him on his brothers birthday..

Idontwanttotalk · 04/10/2019 22:21

YABU. Don't do it. Your children need to learn their birthday is their special day. In always buying a token present for the other one you are taking away the specialness for the other one.

If they feel jealous you have to explain that emotion and help them to overcome it.

Scratchyfluffface · 04/10/2019 22:22

Totally agree with your husband, it's not your birthday you don't get a gift - otherwise where does it stop? Do they need presents whenever they go to another kids party?

1WayOrAnother · 04/10/2019 22:23

I do a small sibling present, under a tenner, nothing fancy. It works for us. They haven't turned into spoiled brats and are really interested in what the non-birthday sibling gets in a really caring sort of way It's a really positive thing in my house.

30not13 · 04/10/2019 22:25

Dont be so flipping wet 🙄

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2019 22:26

No sibling gifts. If you start it at home how will they cope with friend birthday parties in the future?

Did you see the thread a while back where someone’s nephew expected to blow out the candles on the cake at anyone’s birthday meal?

katienana · 04/10/2019 22:27

I give a little present. I want to enjoy the birthday and it just smooths the path! My siblings have their birthdays on consecutive days and when I was little I used to get a present. My birthday is in December so it was a long time to wait in any case for presents!

Gatehouse77 · 04/10/2019 22:29

It’s not something we’ve ever done. I figure that your birthday is the only day uniquely special to you and that is what is being celebrated. And everyone’s got one.

Christmas is when it’s shared.

bubul · 04/10/2019 22:29

My grandparents did this for my brother and I.
Just something small for the non-birthday child to give them something to keep them occupied while the birthday child was playing with all their new things, rather than to stop them getting jealous.

I think it's a great idea and I've continued the tradition with my own kids.

Snoopdogsbitch · 04/10/2019 22:29

I'll go against the grain here! I give the other 2 siblings a present from ' the birthday bear' ( I know, I know, my man started it). However, it's a token like a Lego man, a small book, a few tubs of Playdoh or, now some are older, funky socks or body spray. It's just something we've always done. It's never caused any issues and all my siblings do it in their houses too.

multivac · 04/10/2019 22:30

I think it's a bit crazy, in truth. I have twins. There's no option to NOT give one sibling a gift on the other's birthday. And that's a bit tough, and a bit sad. Let them be The One, just one day a year!

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