To be a bit sad at how times have changed?

[Thenotes]

About 40 years ago, as a 14yo I was visiting GPs for Christmas. I was sent to deliver Christmas cards to the neighbours. Grandma was good friends with her neighbours and I knew most of them by sight but we lived 300 miles away so I didn't know them well.

I went to number one where an old man "Bert" with a Father Christmas beard lived.

He saw me approaching and was at the door by the time I got there, insisted I went in and proceeded to ply me with rhubarb wine.

I was quute tipsy and late back for dinner but no one was cross with me because they'd guessed what had happened.

It's a genuinely fond memory of mine, a pleasant afternoon with a nice man who wanted some company, telling me stories of the "olden day's", plus my first experience of the warm happy feeling of being tipsy but not drunk.

But I'm not sure it would/could happen today.

Ah yes the good old days where young teenage girls got pissed at some random old man's house and nobody gave a shit.

I'm feeling all misty eyed myself now op

Exactly that. I wasn't "pissed" and I was never in any danger.

I agree OP, the erosion of our communities mean old people are more isolated than ever. Round here poor old Bert would likely end up with a brick through his window and "paedo" spray painted on his wall if he so much as looked sideways at his neighbour's grandchild these days.

Sounds like the start of a public service announcement about Bert!

What are you sad about exactly?

The fact that most people would tell the teenage girl not to enter the house of a stranger?

My grandparents would have told my parents that, their parents would have done the same. We're not in a cosy fiction book.

Don't be dismissive of people who 50 years ago went round the local lonely old man's house and got groped, raped, groomed, abused or whatever just because it didn't happen to you or because the people out did happen to couldnt speak about it to you at the time. Predators have always existed and always will. They have shaped society, society has become more suspicious of and intolerant to childhood sex abuse, and rightly so. 11% of women have been sexually abused as a child. I'm raising my child to be friendly and neighbourly but not to go into old men's houses and drink wine.

I think you and Bert weren't reflective of the times, my mum is a similar age to you and she would be the first to point out the potential pitfalls in your rose coloured story.

I'm sure there's plenty of old boys that would be happy to ply you with alcohol without question if that's what you want? Or is it not the same if you're not a vulnerable teenage girl?

If you said had tea and biscuits then yes fine but "continued to ply me with wine" and you were 14!?!?

He wasn't a stranger . He was a neighbour my GPs knew well.

Oh, that’s fine then, if your grandparents knew him

Reminded me when I was 17, my and my friend were going to a party. It was the last stop of the bus and we were the last and only passengers. Upon arrival, the bus driver pulled out a bottle of vodka and we had a pre-party drink

Yes of course when my kids grow up I want them getting drunk at 14 with an old man they don’t really know. I will be sad they won’t get that classic opportunity in life.

Using the words 'ply' and 'insisted' makes it sound quite sinister and forceful, OP. I had a bit of a knot in my stomach reading that, tbh, I thought it was going to turn bad :/

Just because he knew your grandparents doesn’t mean he was ok, though. All murderers/flashers and anything in between are someone’s neighbour.

Yes I'm gutted my kids won't get to experience the magic of being plied with wine by an old perve man

Yes it’s very sad that children can no longer be fingerblasted by pensioners.

And what exactly did an old man get out of insisting a 14 year old cane into his house, and plying them with wine?

He gave me a glass of his homemade wine. As I said I was never drunk.

I think it's sad everyone would assume he must be up to no good today, when that was clearly not the case, he was being friendly and hospitable at Christmas. I think we both benefited from the time in each other's company.

If being a neighbour GPs had been friendly with for years doesn't make him "safe" what does? Do we really want to live in a world where children's only interactions with other generations are in the immediate family? God knows that goes wrong often enough too.

OP I see what you’re saying and I agree. Your GPs knew him well. You had an interesting memorable time and it’s quite funny to look back on. People’s experiences can become so narrow and limited when it’s all just about minimising risk. But I live in this culture too and so I am the same, but I still agree it’s sad.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 @ fingerblasted

It’s also quite sad reading the comments from people insinuating he’s a paedophile just because he wanted to spend time with the OP. So he wanted to talk to a fellow human and you ascribe those motives to him?? That’s really dishonouring to the OP’s memories of this friend of her grandparents and just shows how depressing your view of humans is!

OP you used the words insisted, plied, tipsy etc. I think you've contributed to the nature of the replies tbh.

And being a friend of your GPs means jack shit, abuse is often committed by people known to a family.

@Thenotes do you have children? How would you feel if at 14 years old they were on their own and given alcohol by a neighbour? You don't go around giving other people's children alcohol, of all the "evils" of the modern world I don't think this expectation is one of them. I certainly don't feel sad about that!

I 'get' what you saying OP.
Times have definitely changed.
I look back fondly at things that would rouse suspicion today.
Long walks in the woods with a local man who was no relation but a great family friend.
Helping in the local greengrocers and him paying me in sweets (I was very happy)