To be a bit sad at how times have changed?

[Thenotes]

About 40 years ago, as a 14yo I was visiting GPs for Christmas. I was sent to deliver Christmas cards to the neighbours. Grandma was good friends with her neighbours and I knew most of them by sight but we lived 300 miles away so I didn't know them well.

I went to number one where an old man "Bert" with a Father Christmas beard lived.

He saw me approaching and was at the door by the time I got there, insisted I went in and proceeded to ply me with rhubarb wine.

I was quute tipsy and late back for dinner but no one was cross with me because they'd guessed what had happened.

It's a genuinely fond memory of mine, a pleasant afternoon with a nice man who wanted some company, telling me stories of the "olden day's", plus my first experience of the warm happy feeling of being tipsy but not drunk.

But I'm not sure it would/could happen today.

Agree with Azrail too.

Im older than the OP and i would have thought that was wierd behaviour by the old neighbour then. Giving alcohol to a 14 yr old. My parents would have hit the roof.

I'm 60. 50 years ago being flashed at was more or less a rite of passage for teenage girls. It was 'one of those things' that some men did. "Dirty old men" were accepted as almost the norm.

My parents would have hit the roof

Mine too.

The past was a different country as they say. But I don't think it was that unusual for an elderly neighbour to do this back then.

My great grandmother would have invited anyone who called round with a Christmas card in for a chat and a small sherry, even a teenager on behalf of their parents. I think I had my first (and last!) taste of sherry aged 13. She'd have relished the company and conversation and wasn't grooming anyone, just being hospitable, festive and saying thank you.

The loss of that innocence is sad. To clarify by innocence I mean the innocent intent of individuals. Something previously considered good manners and polite wouldn't be dreamed of now. The blame for that loss of innocence lies squarely with those who perpetrate abuse. We are now more aware and, absolutely rightly, all more cautious.

yep, definitely sad how times have changed

Two issues here

1. Abuse was covered up in the past. True that.
2. Loneliness amongst the elderly is huge. I regularly talk to elderly people and 99% are lovely and I thoroughly enjoy speaking to them. I’ve had a couple of men in the last four years making flirtatious comments but as an adult I can easily brush them off and if the worst came to the worst put them in a headlock. I am sure I wouldn’t need to. We have to face facts that inappropriate comments were the norm in their prime and that although times have changed not everyone has changed with them. Most have though! I wouldn’t let my 14 year old daughter be alone with an elderly man with alcohol but I do think more befriending is needed.

Just to clarify I have taken self defence courses and feel confident to defend myself should the need arise. I haven’t laid hand upon any elderly person 😀😅😅🤔

KattyCarrCan Maybe men feel they are being judged by hysterical women (you have to worry about what is going on in their heads) who think that ever man who speaks to their child wants to abuse them. I have dealt with many safeguarding situations throughout my career and i can assure the biggest threat to children was often their Mothers

Well said @DinosApple.
Innocent intent of people.

Genuine question @Thenotes and apologies if you have covered it in the thread above but - do you have children of your own? I presume that you encourage them to have similar experiences to you? Are you happy for them to spend time with older people they do not know well, to get to know them?

The children and teenagers of today and their / society's attitudes did not spring from nowhere. They have been directly shaped by your generation.

Lowandlucky hysterical women?

My great grandma is now 92. She remembers her parents lovely neighbours too. She was often sent to the elderly ones door, to ask if they wanted their newspaper fetching. She did this many times until one day, one of them invited her in (like he always did for some change to thank her) and mastubated in front of her. I dont think she has fond memories of her neighbours now.

@Lowlandlucky

KattyCarrCan Maybe men feel they are being judged by hysterical women (you have to worry about what is going on in their heads) who think that ever man who speaks to their child wants to abuse them. I have dealt with many safeguarding situations throughout my career and i can assure the biggest threat to children was often their Mothers

Well maybe when men are the 90% victims instead of women then we won’t judge them. ‘Hysterical women?’ I call bullshit on your supposed ‘career’ involving safeguarding. You’re probably a man.

Ignoring the creepy Bert thing...

It may be the case for many that they don't know their neighbours well but it's not true for my family or many others I know!

We're good friends with lots of the people on our street. We only moved in 6 years ago and several of our neighbours are also new to the street. We always chat when we see each other, have bbqs in summer sometimes, look our for each other and help out if someone has a problem. It's not so hard you just have to be friendly! My elderly neighbour's husband is in hospital and we check on her regularly and other neighbours have had her over for dinner. I also have an allotment nearby and spend lots of time talking to local people there and sharing our spare veg out to everyone. Dhis very involved in community events and we hold a big one every December and raise money for local causes. I'm pretty introverted but I know it's important to be part of a community so I get stuck in!

If I was bored I was sent to go and visit ‘the old people in the bungalows ‘ ...a row of 6 council bungalows in our tiny village

Happy memories! They loved the company, spent 10-15 mins at each bungalow, came out with a few apples, full of squash and biscuits and a pocket full of coins ( and maybe a knitting pattern to pass to my mum)

Truly happy memories of a 70’s childhood long gone.

Who teaches our kids the names of birds and plants and trees now if we can’t let them be alone with the elderly man stood at his gate? Makes me so sad

Just to add....that loot would be a fab days work in a 1970’s era where ‘snacks’ were unheard of!! 3 meals s day and that was it for us back then

So a biscuit in every bungalow was a big treat!😃

"Who teaches our kids the names of birds and plants and trees now if we can’t let them be alone with the elderly man stood at his gate? Makes me so sad"

Um, everyone else who knows? Why does a child have to be alone with a man to learn any of this?

Everyone looking back on the good old days with rose tinted glasses you do realise you were just the lucky ones don’t you?
Plenty of children probably walked into a very similar situation and were abused. But let’s just forget these inconvenient truths as we all reminisce about the good old days.

Maybe that’s what CreepyBert was doing. ‘I was only playing her with rhubarb wine to educate her about fruit!’

Just to add....that loot would be a fab days work in a 1970’s era where ‘snacks’ were unheard of!! 3 meals s day and that was it for us back then. So a biscuit in every bungalow was a big treat!😃

Did none of these neighbours treat you to enough wine to floor a horse? Bastards.

Everyone looking back on the good old days with rose tinted glasses you do realise you were just the lucky ones don’t you?
Plenty of children probably walked into a very similar situation and were abused. But let’s just forget these inconvenient truths as we all reminisce about the good old days.

Wow. Don’t reminisce about a happy childhood because it wasn’t that way for everyone.. what a miserable way to live. I understand being abused and struggling to hear stories like this but, let’s not take away a good feeling from someone by constantly reminding them that they should be thankful they didn’t get abused. I don’t want my kids to grow up with a happy childhood only to hear people saying she should be lucky she wasn’t abused. Why do that?

Everyone looking back on the good old days with rose tinted glasses you do realise you were just the lucky ones don’t you?
Plenty of children probably walked into a very similar situation and were abused. But let’s just forget these inconvenient truths as we all reminisce about the good old days.

So because some were abused others that weren’t must not reminisce about happy memories. Whether we reminisce or not isn’t going to change the past for others

He wasn't a stranger . He was a neighbour my GPs knew well.

Most rapes/sexual assaults are committed by friends/family members.

Lowland you can stick to your 'anecdotes' from your 'safeguarding career'. I'll stick to statistics that, incidentally, show you're talking rubbish about the biggest risk to DCs.
But as a PP said, we see your 'hysterical women' and 'what about the poor men?' comments.
I'm happy to focus on protecting women and children.