To not understand how some people allow their dc to be raised in abusive homes?

[laptopscreen]

I really don’t understand it. I can kind of see why some people end up staying in abusive relationships without dc as they just make excuses over and over but with dc I do not understand how the dc aren’t more important than some crappy relationship.
I am genuinely wondering what happens here.Fwiw I was raised in this. And I’m still not understanding how on Earth you don’t put your dc first. Mumsnet seems to highlight this situation over and over again.

Can anyone help me understand? I’m nc Witt my mum now. I’m trying to process everything and tbh I haven’t forgiven my mum for allowing me and siblings to stay in the conditions we were in.

What katalavenete says.

OP your abusive father might be delighted that you don't speak to your mother. What a result for an abuser. Gets own damaged child to continue the job for him.

My suggestion for processing your thoughts is to get some good professional therapy.

I don’t think a child of an abusive home can be objective about the situation their mother was in or her mindset.

I prefer to lay the blame at the abusers door.

@Happyspud and so? Doesnt make the abuse they suffered any less real, or the culpability of the parent any less. I never really got angry at my mother til I had my own children - I'd been angry with my father for years and years at that point.

@Antibles the good thing is I don’t care at all what my df gains or does not gain. My dm has been offered paid accommodation for life with an allowance well away from df. She has been offered paid solicitors to sort divorce and support to go through with the divorce.
Instead she stays there, she refused to engage with any professional help offered too and my dm looks down at me for taking professional help.
I am happy. My happiness counts. I will no longer choose to attach myself to the detrimental effect of my family. I am important in my own right and deserve my life. I was not given a choice or say in whether I stayed in an abusive home or not so when I got the choice I took it. I am gone.

I have offered my dm an apartment paid for with allowances for life. I have done my bit now. I have given endless money that I am never thanked for an my dm acts like it’s a great inconvenience for me to mention anything to do with her staying there.
Sometimes the abused have to protect themselves too. And that’s what I am doing to myself and my family. I am breaking the cycle. Someone has to. But I am a victim and I deserve care too despite people telling me my dm needs override my own. No one came my way offering free accommodation and help to get out. My dm now has all of that and still there so if my df is happy that’s nothing to do with me.

@Happyspud which one is it. Earlier I was small minded having ‘never been through abuse’ then when I have, I can’t be objective.

This thread is heartbreaking, but also an important read.