Dh & MIL Christmas gift

[AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken]

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

Just let the thing arrive. Leave it leaning by the door and do absolutely nothing

And that wouldn’t get on the OPs nerves? Having to manoeuvre a pram, children, etc around the thing.

The simple and most logical thing to do is to speak to the MIL and explain there just isn’t the room so thank you for the offer but we can’t accept it.

I don’t understand the meal that is being made out of this. It’s absolute madness!

“I don’t understand the meal that is being made out of this. It’s absolute madness!“

This. I can only assume that the OP actually does have plenty of room in her house but she doesn’t want her MIL to give the children this present. Maybe because they will like it..

My money’s on this or something vaguely similar:

OP is angry with her husband for a) being an idiot, b) being spineless and c) being stubborn and insisting he’ll ‘make it work’ when he’ll do no such thing or if it works for him it still won’t work for her or the children, who actually have to live with it daily while he swans in and out here and there, so d) not actually giving a fuck that this is actually really going to be really problematic for her.

Yes, she could fix it by telling MIL herself, but MIL is probably a drama llama and is used to getting her own way, and OP can’t face having to be made out to be the bad guy again.

Further, OP believes that since her husband refuses to see sense and insists that he will make it work, and thereby is forcing her to choose between being the bad guy or put up with the headache - all because he either doesn’t care that it will cause her grief, nor that it will be impractical for his children to actually play with, OR because he’s one of those spineless baby men who cannot stand up to mummy and just say no - he in fact deserves to deal with the consequences himself, repeatedly and for an extended period of time that will directly impact on him and his comfort.

Yes, in a way it’s cutting off her nose to spite her face, but if I’m anywhere close on what the dynamic is then I do actually see where she’s coming from. I’d be tempted to do the same, but then I’m not the type to bend over backwards to accommodate people who don’t give a fuck about me or who willfully put me in a difficult position.

Option B, of course, is that OP has lied and just doesn’t want the gift as she can’t stand MIL. It’s a possibility, but meh, why would you bother to post a thread on it.

Option C, well I’m not meant to mention it but you know, that.

Ltb

I also plan to tell him that the packing away of the 120 pieces will be his job and not mine when he gets in from work every single night...

No.

Don't do that fuss and fluster thing where he stands his ground, you start throwing around the 'Well he needn't think I'M going to be doing it all, he's got a SHOCK COMING etc etc' - but in reality, what's happened is that you've backed down.

Ring MIL.

Ring mil and tell her.
Being the bad guy may mean she stops speaking to you.
Win win imo!!

Maybe the kids can keep at your MIL's house and play with it there. No Jones to throw anything away.

I'm sure I said that upthread.

@Ninkaninus definitely not option B or C. The gift is lovely and I've already said many times on here that my children would absolutely love something like that. I'm always seeing large things online that I know full well my kids would enjoy, but I refrain from buying them because I'd have nowhere to put them. I wish more than anything that we had a massive house and I could get my children lovely, huge gifts, but that simply isn't going to work in our tiny flat, so we make do with what we have, and our kids don't miss out - they have lots of things to play with, just nothing that dominates spaces!

I can't now ring MIL and say we don't/can't have it, as she'll just contact DH who'll turn around and say 'it's fine, I want it, I'll make it fit' - so yes, I will come off looking like a negative nancy.

I told DH that the likelihood of the DC's actually sitting and playing the track on the table as is intended is slim to none, and that the reality I'll face is 120 pieces of train track littered all over the floor while the table itself is completely ignored and probably rarely played with. I'm sure once they're older (the eldest will be 3 in December, middle child will be 2 in January) they might sit and play with properly, but I've got a good few years until that day comes. He found the whole thing hilarious that they'll be dragging the track out here there and everywhere. I'm still annoyed.

Ok then.

Don't get rid of a single thing,

Don't tidy the sitting room any more. Just let it turn into an absolute shitfest of toys with no place to go.

When he complains, just shrug. Tell him you said you wouldn't be rearranging and accommodating it and you're not going to.

If you can stick to your guns on it then good.

@BertrandRussell if by 'we have plenty of space' you mean the only place we could physically could put it, is slap bang in the middle of a small lounge floor, then yes, we're over run with space and I'm making a huge deal out of nothing

@AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken Just to clarify, I wasn’t casting aspersions - I believe you that it is just to do with logistics and frustration with the dynamic. FWIW I’m broadly with you on this. I wouldn’t be playing along though, no matter how tempting. I’d tell him again that he’s an idiot, and I’d be selling it straight on.

No way is my whole existence at home looking after my children and trying to stay sane going to be dictated by a domineering MIL and/or a stupid dimwit of a husband and father.

Oh no, I know that @Ninkaninus and thanks for seeing and understanding my frustration! Frankly I'd much rather this whole mess be nothing other than I just don't want the gift from MIL for some stuck up reason, but it is purely the space, the toys that will have to be compromised/removed, and my 'work load' being increased every single day thanks to the hundreds of pieces I'll have to deal with, on top of all the other mess my DC's create, all whilst side stepping around a fucking huge table and dealing with, what will then be, a 3 month old breastfed baby and two other young DC's 🤦🏻‍♀️

I suppose you could use it as a coffee table...

I'd be so cross with DH if he pulled this!! He obviously hasn't got the back bone to say no to his mother so the only thing to do is text her and tell her to cancel it. Maybe suggest some kind of alternative? That doesn't take up space? Cinema tickets/soft play passes etc. Don't wait for this to turn up it'll only cause aggro and stress, take matters into your own hands and then just text your husband and say you've sorted it.

Alternatively, you could get your DH stuffed and use him as a coffee table!

I can't now ring MIL and say we don't/can't have it, as she'll just contact DH who'll turn around and say 'it's fine, I want it, I'll make it fit' - so yes, I will come off looking like a negative nancy

And? You don’t have the best relationship anyway, so who cares if she thinks you’re being negative? You shouldn’t OP.

I've had a thought. You can't put shelving up because it's not your flat, but could you get a big net and hang it from the ceiling? SOmething like this: www.amazon.com/Jumbo-Toy-Hammock-childrens-organizing/dp/B00F3JZY1S?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Also I have a feeling that half the reason your DH is agreeing to this sodding train table is because HE wants to play with it...

@ThumbWitchesAbroad he'd probably be more use as a coffee table! sadly, we actually have a proper coffee table in the loft that had to get moved up there once we had DC's, as the table dominated floor space and left no room for them to play...

Good idea about the net, but unfortunately we're not allowed to drill holes in the walls - strictly command strips - as we rent!

I'm just so pissed at DH. How he's possibly imagining where he's going to put it, and where all of their other stuff is going to live is absolutely beyond me. I'm also mad, because I know FULL WELL that picking up all the pieces of track every day will fall on to me to do, probably whilst tiptoeing around wherever he decides to put their other things.

I know it sounds simple to just contact MIL and explain the situation, but DH has told her we'll have it, she then bought it, he's now outright telling me it'll be fine. So if I phone her and tell her it won't fit, she'll say 'well, DH said it was okay to order so I ordered it!' followed by her messaging DH to ask why I contacted her about the gift, then DH will say not to worry about cancelling it as he has a plan for where it'll apparently go.
Me contacting her won't solve a thing because of how flippant he's being about it all

Ok fair enough if your MIL is the type to not actually listen to you when you tell her clearly that it won’t fit and your DH really wont back you up then your only option is to actually stick to your guns and make sure his life is hell until he rues the day.

Seriously though...How can you live with such little respect and consideration from him? I can’t believe he won’t listen to you.

I would yell and go ballistic.

I actually did yell and go ballistic when my DH once came back with this massive wooden toy set after I had explicitly pointed out how little space we had and how much time and energy I had spent WHILE PREGNANT sorting out fucking toys and ebaying them and free cycling them and so on.

To his credit, he never did it again. But I really had to go berserk.

Your DH is really pissing me off.

OP you need to woman up. So what if MIL says “well DH said it was fine”? He couldn’t be arsed to think about whether it actually would be fine but did went down the lazy option.

Jesus give me MILs number I’ll ring the woman for you but seriously you need to grow a backbone here and stand up to her. Your H has put you in a predicament here and isn’t willing to get you out of it, so I’m afraid it’s down to you now!