Dh & MIL Christmas gift

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DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

Garden with a tarpaulin over it? The track off ours ended up on the decking.
Minging now!!

Haha I once ordered my child one of them and ended up sending it back when I realised that I actually really couldn't make room for it. Shame, as the kids would have loved it!
I would just be honest with mil OP. Just tell her it's such a shame but,as much as the kids would love the present, unless she's willing to buy you a bigger house or extension to go with it, then you just don't have the room for it, and it would just be wasted.

Hopefully come tomorrow morning, either DH or myself will have spoken with MIL and the crisis will have been averted.

I must admit, the amount of people saying they own that table and that their DC's prefer putting the tracks on the floor and playing with the trains that way, is certainly not making me feel any better about the prospect of some giant thing taking up space that the dc likely won't even use as intended 🤦🏻‍♀️😩

I have a fair bit more space in my house than it sounds like you have, OP, and I wouldn't be able to make space for that table without it being in the way!
It looks lovely but it's just impractical for you and your current living space, so it can't happen.
Your DH is a total idiot for not just telling his mum straight out that it is too big - and yeah, chances of him telling her it has to be cancelled is very low, I'd say.

But it doesn't have to be a fight unless she chooses to make it one - just message her that it is unfortunately much too large for the space you live in, and while you are grateful for her generosity, it's an inappropriate size.
Then give her alternatives she could spend her money on instead that take up less space!

I saw a great idea hack for a train table where the poster on IG put it on wheels and pushed it under the sofa. Would that work?

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Yes, MIL asked us about a big trike thing for our son's first birthday. I thought it might be okay, but DH was adamant that we wouldn't have room. I made him tell his mum. We had some alternative ideas though, which she was super happy with (lots of first Duplo!) Which worked out great. He also told her one of his fondest memories was the big shareable box of Duplo he and his siblings had growing up. Which was one of the reasons he liked the Duplo idea so much. Did need to prod him to make an emotional statement though!

If you can't make it work in your space. Your DH needs to tell her and suggest a workable alternative.

Also, if you're right for space, can you board out your attic? As kids, we had a section of boarded out attic we could play on with our more expansive toys and board games.

Our sofas are very low so wouldn't be able to put it underneath. Have already said the loft isn't accessible for our DC's - the ladder up to it isn't very safe/stable and our eldest isn't even three yet so a long way off being able to go in a freezing cold loft!

DH is working late this evening, but hoping he'll contact his DM either once he's home, or when he gets up in the morning. If he doesn't, I've already written up a 'straight to the point but nice' message that I plan to send MIL, just stating that the gesture is appreciated, but DH is an idiot who thinks we have more space than we actually do, so unfortunately the gift will need to be changed otherwise it'll live it's life in a box in our loft.

Just tell your DH that you will be re-gifting it to a local playgroup as it's too big.
He can tell his mother, you don't have to - he has created this problem

To update -

DH apparently isn't planning on telling MIL to cancel the order as he can 'make it work'

I told him he's being ridiculous and if he thinks he's going to take their existing toys and just shove them here, there and everywhere to make the thing fit then he's got another thing coming.

I also plan to tell him that the packing away of the 120 pieces will be his job and not mine when he gets in from work every single night, because I sure as shit am not doing that. I have enough to deal with with 3 DC's, one being a newborn, plus a floor that's always covered in blocks, cars and figures, I'm definitely not having it fall on me to pick up 120 pieces of train track every single poxy day. Let's see how many days of him coming home and dealing with that the second he walks through the door he can tolerate before he realises it was a stupid idea to accept something we not only don't have the space for, but also increases how much shit we have to tidy away at the end of each day just to be able to see the floor again.

Just ring the woman up and say thank you for your kind offer but there really isn’t enough room!

Why wouldn’t you do that but you’d put up with the palaver of trying to house the ruddy thing?

Why are ypu still contemplating it coming into the house?

Is it worth the upset that this will cause?

Surely your three year old doesn't need for this to happen, toys moved or given away, atmosphere between you, words had and then another toy gone.

All because you won't contact your MIL and take control.

Oh for goodness sake, ring her up yourself!

Op this is hugely frustrating.

Just say no. I'm all for sons saying things to their own dms..it s their easier relationships after all... (except most men seem shit scared of thier dm and unable to say no).

But on this occasion.. Challenge yourself and simply call her.
Don't worry about some responses, some posters on here would be delighted if they had similar relationships with their sons!

MIL KNEW this would cause issues between you/in your home.
I think she chose this present deliberately knowing how much stress it will cause.
That's rather nasty of her.

Where does dh keep his stuff?
Maybe you can get rid of his wardrobe/chest of drawers/other item to make room? 😂

the gift will need to be changed otherwise it'll live it's life in a box in our loft.

I wouldn't even do that - I'd be looking at selling it at the first available opportunity.

Is there anything precious of your H’s in the room the table is meant to live in? I’d bin liner all his possessions first to make room for the table.

Don’t throw anything out, just put everything (of his) in a bin liner and tell him to dispose of it as you’re making room for the table.

Definitely agree your dc will find the table area too limited. Could granny buy some more trains/tracks that they could use on the floor as and when they want to instead?

You don’t have to get rid of the other toys, you could store some in the loft.

*And when the loft gets full? After all, taking on this gift effectively sends both DH and MIL the message that big bulky gifts are fine..

Little children get fed up with toys so you would then need to rotate them.

My head is filling with a grey fog of despair thinking about how much work this would involve. Going through the toy boxes, and then dragging up and down into the loft shifting things about and hauling things down and making space for them and reorganizing stuff into boxes again. The OP has THREE children--I'm pretty sure she is spinning plates from dawn to dusk as it is.

Your dh will have to do this every couple of weeks of course seeing as he caused the issue. Getting him to do this could work in your favour long term because he will be clearing up his own mess repeatedly.

Except that he probably won't. The OP will end up doing it. After asking him again and again and again and again to rotate the toys and being met with a "OK, sure" "OK, tomorrow" "OK, at the weekend, for sure" "NEXT weekend, I promise" "OKAYYYY! I will DO IT. Just GIVE ME A CHANCE!!!" and finally "Don't you do anything but nag?"

Just saw you have a newborn. OP, please call MIL and tell her. Do not take this nonsense on.

No, you can't do this to yourself, you KNOW he's not going to do it and it's going to fall back to you because you won't be able to stand it, and it will be dangerous.

You KNOW that. He knows that too, that's why he thinks he can "make it work" because what he actually means is "once it's here you'll have no choice but to make it work"

So phone your MIL and tell her yourself. You HAVE to - but do have some ideas at the ready that would work better for her to buy instead, so she doesn't feel like you're just repulsing her gift.
You really DO have to phone her, you know. You can't let this go.

Good luck!

@monkeymonkey2010 aw I don't think MIL did this to cause trouble - she even checked with DH that it would be ok.

I say this because I'm at guilty of something similar. Before I had children I bought my goddaughter a massive handmade super fancy wooden dolls house.... without a thought for the fact they lived in a flat and had limited toy space. They were too lovely and polite to tell me not to, but when I next visited their place and saw it there I felt awful for my thoughtlessness.

I haven't done anything like that since. But I think we need to give MIL the benefit of the doubt, people without little kids/who don't live in flats probably just get excited about finding a fabulous gift and don't think about practicalities in the same way.

Well you'll obviously need to swap your double bed for a single to fit the table in and your dp can find somewhere else to sleep.

Just let the thing arrive. Leave it leaning by the door and do absolutely nothing. Don't move anything around or into the loft.
Just leave the whole business to him.

"Just let the thing arrive. Leave it leaning by the door and do absolutely nothing"

If the pictures on the box, the three year old will be upset about it not being put up. The OP has two toddlers and a new born. It's going to be Christmas. They live in a small space, what she really wants is a bloody big box that takes up room and could be a danger to her children hanging around.

Why do that when all it takes to sort it out is to send an email? What is wrong with people.