Dh & MIL Christmas gift

[AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken]

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

Is the nuance of that too difficult for you to understand?

The OP is a grown woman, if she isn’t happy about something and her H is reluctant to sort it out what do you suggest then?

I’ve already suggested it - tell him to do it now, or she will do it in the morning.

Calling it ‘hiding behind their husbands’ is unfair and incorrect (certainly in this scenario or similar ones) - it puts the onus on the woman to be the one to fix things, when really the incompetent man should man up and do it himself!

@user1477391263 you've essentially hit the nail right on the head of what would happen here!

DH will build the table, and the existing toys will just be shoved here, there and everywhere, looking chaotic and being in impractical places. At the moment, all of my DC's toys have a 'home'. Things are grouped in to categories such as blocks, cars, action figures, soft toys etc then given their own individual storage bag on a shelf so we all know what's what. Makes it easier for the DC's and easier for me to pack away at the end of the day. The toy box holds bulkier things that would otherwise totally clutter up floor space, and the space that the table would take up, currently has the toy box slotted in, a big sit on toy and three house play sets. Everything looks 'neat' and has its place, but once this table has been built, there is no room for all of the other things to be placed in. Literally every corner of the room is accounted for. Every surface has something on it. I just cannot be dealing with rearranging and sorting through absolutely everything in the room for a table I don't want or have space for

I wish there was a way to make it work, but there simply isn't.

While I do 100% believe it's DHs job to tell MIL he was stupid for ever thinking we could fit something so big around our existing toys, I'm afraid it's very likely that he won't. So he has, give or take, 24 hours to do so, and if he doesn't, it falls on me to take the blame for it all!

It's not that the OP doesn't want it NoSauce, it's physically too big for the flat.

I’ve already suggested it - tell him to do it now, or she will do it in the morning

So what is the difference between your suggestion and mine if the end result is the same?

No. Stop saying you will have to take the blame. Stop playing along with that game. If anyone makes a fuss over this then they are being stupid and silly and childish, and I would tell them so to their face if they make a fuss over it. Absolutely ridiculous.

You’re not to blame for his lack of thought, and the fact that he’s unable or unwilling to just fix the problem.

@NoSauce I’m sorry but it’s really quite obvious. If you really can’t see the difference and why it might be important in a relationship to draw certain lines then I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait until you figure it out, as I don’t have the patience to explain it all to you in detail.

But the MIL is going to know anyway that her DIL has said no to the table as her son said yes it was fine!

Better for the OP to explain herself why she can’t accept it than her H not explaining things properly and potentially making it worse!

Sorry MIL the table is a lovely thought but we just don't have the space....thats it...end of..... if you leave it to your DH guaranteed he will say AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken doesnt want it in the house or some other rubbish instead of what he should have said to start with

aweedropofsancerre Yes!

These tables are crap for train and road sets anyway. Far too frustrating.

My Dc used to love making different configurations that went out through the door, under the sofa etc.

Message nicely, but lay it in your DH...brilliant looking present, however now that DH has measured it he has realised it won't fit, (please send a drum kit instead....)

Your husband doesn't sound very nice dismissing your obvious concern.

Have a think about that OP.

Text your MIL, " thank you, it would be lovely if we had the space, but we don't".

That's it.

Sorry if I was a bit harsh there.

It’s about him taking responsibility for his own mistake, his own lack of thought, his lack of consideration toward his wife who will be living with the effects of it, and the fact that he’s caused a headache for his wife and also for his mum. And about him learning to be able to say ‘no, it doesn’t actually work for us’ rather than pushing all of the not-so-fun things onto his wife to handle. She is not in the wrong here, she is not being unreasonable in any sense of the word. It is a simple straightforward case of ‘this table does not fit and it shouldn’t have been ordered, it was a lovely thought but please cancel it now, maybe x y or z would be a good alternative?’

The fact that he can’t or won’t say this to his mum means that either she’s hugely problematic and prone to causing issues over non-issues, in which case why the hell should OP have to deal with that when it’s his mum and his mistake? Or, perhaps he’s the kind of man who just doesn’t have any balls and constantly wants his wife to do the ‘dirty work’ as you put it, which most certainly does not apply here, quite content for her to apparently be the bad guy when it’s his bloody mess she’s fixing!

We have one of these tables. It’s currently in the loft. Our plan was to use it when we moved but it remains too big for the space we have in the new house.

Op, you will find that you will store stuff on the table when the kids aren’t using it. But it does sounds like you have quite a lot of toys already!

The best thing to do would be to cancel the order (or place it on DH's side of the bed so he can see how impractical it is).

If you do end up with it, from the picture it looks like the drawer underneath is separate on wheels, so do not build and have the drawer and then get DH to chop down the legs so that it is flat. It could then be stored on its side if there is space anywhere for it until you get rid of it.

True enough, he probably will make it all about OP having a problem with it, rather than just stating simple fact. So if I were OP I’d make sure I was present when he made that phone call. And if he dared to imply that it was anything but a logistics issue, we’d be having strong words afterwards.

I can’t abide men like this.

Okay - possibly a stupid question, but does it have to be a table? If it comes un-assembled can you just not put the legs on and it can live behind the bookcase/under the sofa/ propped behind the toy box?

Could the table stay at in laws House, then they can play with it at their house? It really doesn't sound practical to keep it at yours

So he has, give or take, 24 hours to do so, and if he doesn't, it falls on me to take the blame for it all!

I honestly think the best way forward is to make it his problem. Make it clear that if this present does arrive he will be solely responsible for any fall out. Ensure he knows the current scheme for keeping things neat and make it clear that you won't tolerate things being thrust anywhere, so if he accepts it he cannot expect to get away with making a half arsed attempt to fit things in then leave it up to you.

If he still doesn't get her to cancel then so be it. But make sure you follow through and do not give an inch and accept any of the responsibility for sorting it yourself. If he makes a rubbish job of it point out why that doesn't work and ask him to change it. And so on until he either miraculously finds a way of making it work or gives up in defeat and sells the wretched thing.

Sorry OP
DH needs to tell his Mum to cancel the order-that you don;t have the space for it. You and his Mum are not at fault here-he is. He needs to take a MTFU pill!

What's you MIL personality like.? Some people just pick the easier route of upsetting the least difficult person

@AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken - In relation to this comment of yours:
While I do 100% believe it's DHs job to tell MIL he was stupid for ever thinking we could fit something so big around our existing toys, I'm afraid it's very likely that he won't. So he has, give or take, 24 hours to do so, and if he doesn't, it falls on me to take the blame for it all
I disagree that it falls on you to take the blame for it all.
Your DH takes the blame - because he gave the green light to his mother before having the situation clearly explained to him that the table is too big for your current accommodation situation. If you win the lottery between now and Christmas that may change but for the foreseeable, it's not suitable.
Your MiL takes the blame - she shouldn't keep pushing unsuitable gifts onto your children - time spent with her is far more memorable than a games table would be.
You - you are just setting out what is and isn't possible for your family at the moment. No blame apportioned here.

OP, you have a coffee table in the loft. It must be very lonely in the loft all by itself.

I would not stress myself about this for one more moment. Everything about it from now on is his problem. I love how he says, "We" are going to have to find room for it. Oh nonononono. You warned him. Now you can tell child with breathless joy, "Daddy and you" will have hours of fun figuring this all out.

Give your husband away, that'll make space