Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[Anxietyqueen1987]

My daughter's 5th birthday is coming up and I'm planning on doing something small for her birthday, only very close family and a friend, with her two children. A little back story, my daughter is Autistic and doesn't have any friends, which I'll admit is probably harder for me than it is for her. Anyway, a friend and her two children were due to come, this "friend" is aware of the situation and has been through similar things when people have failed to turn up for her childs birthday parties and knows how heartbreaking it can be (also bearing in mind I have made the effort to go to both of her children's parties). Anyway, she has now decided that she is throwing her own birthday party on my daughters birthday as a few of her friends wouldn't have been able to make it so she has basically said she understands if I cant make it and thats that. So now my daughter wont have any children at her already small little birthday party. Am I wrong for being upset? Am I over reacting?

YANBU- id be majorly pissed off if a close friend clashed a birthday party with a party for my child id confirmed first. I’d tell her your disappointed she chose the same date.

YANBU and I’m so sorry for you and your daughter but honestly it sounds like you don’t need friends like that. Are there any local support groups that you and your daughter can join to help to develop a friendship network?

I’d be annoyed as well.

Is friend’s birthday party at same time. Could the dcs go to both parties?

YANBU this was both an unnecessary and heartless move by a 'friend'. I'm sad for your daughter. I'd skip the other party and do something entirely different.

That's no friend.

I'm sorry lass. It hurts.

I can understand your concern but many kids have birthday parties where it's just them and family. And they are the centre of attention. Kids at this age don't think of it.

Your friend though isn't being very nice. But your child will be fine.

Definitely good to get other peoples perspectives. It has made me re evaluate eveything and made me realise I really don't need people like that in mine or my daughters life.

I'd be upset too. She's not being a friend at all. I'm sorry. But try not to sad. Does she play with anyone at school that you could invite if you really want some kids there? X

My daughter is actually at a specialist school and goes by transport so I have never met any of the other children or their parents.

YANBU - I'd be annoyed. She's letting you down, and what makes it worse is that she's chosen to do this. I had a 'friend' who didn't seem to grasp how her behaviour affected me, in regard to my ASC DS. I stopped making the effort with her, as she clearly couldn't be bothered with me and my DC.

OP, can you maybe do what my DS's (specialist) school do? We send in cake and party bags, and he has a little party with his friends at school. We were also allowed to give the teacher some money, and they went to a soft play centre and had McDonalds afterwards! There's only about 7 of them in the class and it worked really well.

That's a brilliant idea, thank you, I will have a chat with her teacher xx

You don't need to have met them to invite them. If your DD is verbal and able to, ask her who she plays with or ask her to choose two kids to come and them send invites in her school bag. Let the teacher know they are coming. Alternatively speak to her teacher and ask for two kids they think DD gets on well with. Inviting them will also likely help encourage the friendships and give you a chance to meet their parents and maybe make some friends and arrange play dates in the future x

I’d be disappointed too OP. It sounds so heartbreaking! If I knew you I would bring my DD who is 5! 😊

You gave her an invite, not a summons. she arranged a party for her own child and invited you. She perhaps thought as it was close family coming to yours, it would have been awkward for her to be there. If you wanted a part with lots of children there, why didn't you invite school friends?

It was a party for herself, she's 29 and going clubbing and she has arranged itnon my childs birthday when she knew it was my childs birthday!!

She isn't a friend is she op? Sounds like you and your dd need to branch out and make new ones!

Surely you go clubbing in the evening?

TabbyMumz it is a party for HERSELF!!!! not her child and she know my family and is definitely not the type of person to feel awkward!! I told her Months in advance yet she still arranged it on my daighters birthday. Maybe read what i wrote first

Anyhow, it's her right to arrange a party whenever she wants, as it is your right too. She isn't obliged to come to yours? I think you need more friends, and invite more of your daughters friends.

Did you read the OP Tabby?

And the reason i haven't invited school friends is because she has just started school and I haven't met any of the parents or children as she gets transport to school and I'm not sure if theu would cope being in that kind of environment, it is a school for severly disabled children.

It's irrelevant who she arranged the party for really. I get that your upset she isn't coming, but you cant put so much emotional pressure on one person. Just invite others .

Well said OP