Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[Anxietyqueen1987]

My daughter's 5th birthday is coming up and I'm planning on doing something small for her birthday, only very close family and a friend, with her two children. A little back story, my daughter is Autistic and doesn't have any friends, which I'll admit is probably harder for me than it is for her. Anyway, a friend and her two children were due to come, this "friend" is aware of the situation and has been through similar things when people have failed to turn up for her childs birthday parties and knows how heartbreaking it can be (also bearing in mind I have made the effort to go to both of her children's parties). Anyway, she has now decided that she is throwing her own birthday party on my daughters birthday as a few of her friends wouldn't have been able to make it so she has basically said she understands if I cant make it and thats that. So now my daughter wont have any children at her already small little birthday party. Am I wrong for being upset? Am I over reacting?

Why are you so far from your "village"?

@billy1966 Thank you. I will definitely be getting in touch with the school, I think that's a fab idea.

@ChilledBee Haha I'm a born and bred Londoner - Most of my friends have moved away. Mostly because of living costs.

I meant your village as in "it takes a village to raise a child".

Saying that, In your situation, my childfree friends would make that trip because they're my friends and I'd tell them what has happened. They'd make us a priority.

@ChilledBee That's good for you then.

Your friend is no friend, she a horribly selfish person. You deserve better friends.

The school idea sounds great! Hope it works out.

My advice is that you need to make friends that would have you as much of a priority in your time of need.

Think I'm starting to see why you might struggle with that TBH

My dc is in a special school - they always celebrate birthdays in class, I send in a cake (I usually bake but send in a shop-bought one in the packaging in case of any allergies)
This person does not sound like a friend!

@ChilledBee Why do you think I would struggle? All I have said is that my friends live far away and I dont expect them to drop everything for me, why is that a bad thing? You said what you've wanted to say and haven't stopped, maybe I do need better friends but at the moment my daughter is my priority. I have a lot of good people in my life and don't really get why you are judging me just because I only invited one "friend" to my party. There will be plenty of adults at the party that absolutely adore her. Me and my partner, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins.

When’s your party?! I’ll bring my daughter!!

Well then why the thread? She'll have a party with people who care about her. Yay her.

The thread was asking if anyone else would be annyoyed etc and that's all. She was always going to have a lovely time as there are so many people who love and care for her. My question was about this one particular person. I also admitted in the thread that the fact that no children are coming would effect me more than her @ChilledBee

See if any other LO from her School may be able to come .What about Cousins (any ages ) or another family member DM /DF whoever and perhaps go to the Aquarium (soothing ,lots of light, seeing the fish swimming and so on).Followed by a light Supper in a child friendly place ,or perhaps tea and cakes at home .By next year you will be able to ask more children as she gets to know everyone .

See if any other LO from her School may be able to come .What about Cousins (any ages ) or another family member DM /DF whoever and perhaps go to the Aquarium (soothing ,lots of light, seeing the fish swimming and so on).Followed by a light Supper in a child friendly place ,or perhaps tea and cakes at home .By next year you will be able to ask more children as she gets to know everyone .

I'd be annoyed if the only guest wasn't coming but not if I knew she had a load of family too. Are all her cousins adults then?

Some posters just need to stop being such goady fuckers. The OP is understandably upset that this has happened and is trying to rectify it by agreeing to speak to the school.

Get some new friends OP- your current ones don't deserve you.

The point I was making was this had been arranged, we had spoken about it and she confirmed she was coming, then all of a sudden she turned around and said she was doing her birthday on the same day - are you telling me you wouldn't be annoyed by that? And yes they are my first cousins her second so they are adults. @chilledBee

@BellatrixLeStrangest Hahaha Thank you xxx

No I wouldn't be because there was one child coming who my DD likely wouldn't have interacted with anyway but lots of older people who would have the wherewithal to adapt how they communicate to interact with her.

Ok I think we are just going to have to agree to disagree because this isn't going anywhere. Lets just leave it at that! @chilledBee

You’re not being unreasonable. I think some people are focusing on the wrong thing here. To me it’s a simple case of OP realising her friend doesn’t value her as much as she thought (or has been led to believe) she does.

OP - when a friend treats you in a way you know you wouldn’t have dreamed of treating them, you take stock, make your peace with it and change your own regard for them accordingly.
You’ll know not to invest too much in this woman now.

@pictish That's exactly it. Thank you xx

The main thing is that your dd will be ok. This woman doesn’t seem like much of a friend. Unless I am reading this wrongly, she is competing with an autistic child’s party. She could have had her child’s party earlier in the day or another day, couldn’t she?

I'd be annoyed and would seriously rethink about the friendship.

Although my son is now an adult , I remember doing his parties at his special school.I even arranged for an entertainer as well as a cake, food and the party bags. Lots of staff on hand and everyone has fun and your DD can have a lovely party. What's not to like !