Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[Anxietyqueen1987]

My daughter's 5th birthday is coming up and I'm planning on doing something small for her birthday, only very close family and a friend, with her two children. A little back story, my daughter is Autistic and doesn't have any friends, which I'll admit is probably harder for me than it is for her. Anyway, a friend and her two children were due to come, this "friend" is aware of the situation and has been through similar things when people have failed to turn up for her childs birthday parties and knows how heartbreaking it can be (also bearing in mind I have made the effort to go to both of her children's parties). Anyway, she has now decided that she is throwing her own birthday party on my daughters birthday as a few of her friends wouldn't have been able to make it so she has basically said she understands if I cant make it and thats that. So now my daughter wont have any children at her already small little birthday party. Am I wrong for being upset? Am I over reacting?

Yes I agree that it wasn't nice of her to do this. But could you telephone or email your daughters teacher, and ask if she is close to any children and invite those? I'm sure at least one would turn up?

Tabbymumz are you being deliberately thick and argumentative... Can you not read and understand what the OP has written?

OP she is no friend, she sounds like a self centered cunt. I'm so sorry for you.

Ignore @TabbyMumz she's clearly the kind of person who would screw over a child like this herself.

She's no friend to you OP, I'd be phasing her out very sharpish.

Wow. Lovely response. Do you normally go round calling people words like that? I dont get why you just dont invite more of her classmates. You dont need to know them or their parents. We never did when we started inviting people to kids parties. If they can come and want to, they will come. You can only try. The other option is what you have done, just invite one friend and then this happens.
As clubbing unusually happens at night...how does that clash with a daytime party? Could you ask her if the kids can still come?

Not putting emotional pressure on anyone, she stated she wasn't coming and I left it like that - I didn't say a word.

Gloopy....just a different view....please dont say I'm being thick, that's rude. She said she invited close family and one friend and her kids. Now that person isn't coming. OP now says she is going clubbing. Not sure how that clashed with a childs party as you'd expect that to happen during the day, especially as child is young. However, if you only invite one friend and her kids, there is a small chance that person may not come for whatever reason. Yes, it might appear mean, I just think op needs to protect herself from this happening in the future by inviting more friends, or just kids from school. She said child goes to special school, that doesnt mean they wont come? She also says she doesnt know the parents, but not sure that matters?

That's a horrible thing for a friend to do. I like pp idea of asking school to do something. As for tabbymumz apart from being unable to read the op properly you too sound like a horrible person.

Thats the point I was trying to make @TabbyMumz. The fact that she has cancelled because she is going clubbing in the evening doesn't seem like a good enough excuse, its just her way of getting out of it. Thats why I'm upset, its not a genuine rwason and its upsetting because she tells me how much she loves my daughter which she clearly doesnt

OP, when I say emotional pressure, I meant yourself in that you were focusing on her a lot, and you are incredibly upset she isn't coming. I meant that you seem to be needy of her. Sorry if it didn't come across that way. She may not even realise you've focussed that emotional pressure on her. You need a bigger group of friends, so there is more of a chance some will come to the next party.

And the reason I only invited one friends is because we have been let down before. Maybe family is the ony way to go now.

Lazyarse...apart from not realising it was the friends adult party (when it wasnt clear) and not her childs, which is an easy mistake to make and not the crime of the century, I've read the thread fine thanks.

Ok @TabbyMumz, I'm getting frustrated because you are making assumptions about me and you dont know me. I have plently of friends but none with children and a childrens party isnt really their scene. Me and this particular friend met because we were struggling to find other mum friends.

@TabbyMumz you’re not helping

If your daughter is friends with clubbing friends child could you reply and say oh it seems a shame for (your child) to miss out, we would still be happy to take her even if you can't make it, or does it only work if her mum is there?

I think in general it's a shitty thing to do to choose to let someone down when you've already made arrangements.

There hasn't been any issues between the children have there? You see some posters on here where one child isn't told off when they are being violent to another and the mum doesnt want to tell the other mum and lose the friendship so they tend to avoid getting together one on one for a while

I'm not making assumptions at all, I think you are slightly misinterpreting what I'm saying. When I said you need more friends, I dont mean you havent got any....although if you go round calling people counts, I wouldnt be at all surprised ha ha. I was trying to say that you need to invite more people with children in the future, and know more people with children that you can invite. As you have an autistic child, you need to protect yourself in the future by having lots and lots of people to invite, so when some people cant come, you and your daughter are still ok. You need to get to know those parents from school. Perhaps this friend started to worry you were getting too reliant on her or something, I dont know, I can only guess . Please dont take this the wrong way.

Mephisto.....its an open thread.

@GettingABitDesperateNow No, its nothing like that - mine and hers are both lovely little children who get on very well. I think it is just a case of her just wanting to do her own thing.

@TabbyMumz you obviously didn't read the opening thread properly because your posts suggest you thinks it's perfectly acceptable to decline an invitation (after all it's not a summons) and you are correct, OPs friend is within her rights to decline.

But that's not what happened.

The friend ACCEPTED the invitation and then afterwards made other arrangements to and PULLED OUT.

Friends don't do that. It's shitty behaviour.

If you think this is acceptable then I'm glad I'm not your friend!

@FrangipaniBlue Thank You. She pulled out and then just happened to drop it into conversation.

YANBU. That's rough.

If your local op Me and my kids will come.
PM Me x

I strongly disagree with TabbyMumz until I got to the bit where you said that your childfree friends won't come either. To me,a non verbal autistic child will get as much from a group of adults than they would a group of children. I can't imagine my closest childfree friends not coming to help or just come to my children's party. I think you need to find better friends.

OP,

Very understandably upsetting.

As mother's we take any slight to our children very hard.

As your child has additional challenges I can only imagine how hard it must be.

A very thoughtless friend, that isn't a friend.

I think the sending in party stuff to the school is a fantastic idea.

Maybe even ask for a few photos, that could be given to the children's parents too.

💐💐

@ChilledBee most of my friends dont live locally to me, most are in Cornwall, Devon, Bristol and I'm in London so its quite a long way for them too travel.

@billy1966 Thank you! I will definitely be contacting the school, I think that's a fab idea xx