Baby 50/50 custody

[Lindum08]

I have previously posted about how OH was cheating and I found out the other week (our DD is just over 2 months now)
He has moved out and we are getting along solely for DDs sake.
He keeps going on about 50/50 custody arrangements.
I know it won’t happen now as I’m breastfeeding and DD is still really young.

However I’m absolutely terrified for this, me and DD are inseparable and the thought of it makes me go cold.

I’ve said when she’s 1 and I go back to work he can have-
Week 1: Monday Tuesday Wednesday until 6pm
Week 2: Friday Saturday Sunday until 6pm

He says this is only 2 1/2 days a week and wants exactly 50/50.
I think given the circumstances and DD young age, I’m being reasonable.
What does everyone else think?

Also what are the chances of him successfully getting 50/50 on DD when she is 1 year old? I feel like he will push for it.

I agree with you @Loopydizzylove

This isn't just your child.
You will have to do 50/50 at some point, (I'm not saying right now!) But it will happen.

Fathers have the same rights as mothers if their name is on the birth certificate.

The child isn't yours. Its both of yours, 50/50.

People saying that "you call the shots in contact because you're the primary carer" ... lol okay. See how well that goes down in court, explaining you can call the shots. No.. right now the baby lives full time with you because she's young. Later in her life when you go to court as long as he has a stable home LIKE YOU there is 0 reason why 50 50 wouldn't be given.

Courts don't care if you will miss your child. Your ex misses the child just as much in their eyes.

"He's doing it not to pay maintenance!!!"... Yeah because having his child 50% of the time is free 🙄 honestly..

@YouFellAsleeep agree!!

Imagine the post was about an ex that didn't want to see their child at all or was trying to fight for less days with their child.
Men can't win on mn lol

"Custody and breastfeeding
If the parents can’t agree on custody arrangements, the courts will have to be involved. And if the court feels breastfeeding is being used as an obstacle to a father’s access they may see weaning or pumping as the solution. A court probably won’t value breastfeeding above a father’s time with his child"

Tbh alot of pp have commented about the ex being selfish etc and he's wanting to see his child for every other reason bar missing his child! Yet are telling the op to breast feed for longer or that breast feeding is a solution in court for the judge saying the ex can't see his child when he is asking.
It's actually ridiculous.

The advice in my eyes by most on here isn't going to help- You need to seek legal advice and also speak with your ex, maybe even with a professional.

Not many mothers want to be separated from their kids, nor do the father's.
It's not a great situation at all and I do sympathise with you - it's one of the worst feelings.
I really couldn't see a court now giving 50 50 but when the child is older of course it could happen.
Again, speak with a professional I suggest with your ex if it's possible? And try and arrange visitation down on paper until she's 1 and then go from there.

Tweetingmagpie oh OK.

Still in my mind a bad idea , I'm not sure 50/50 is ever the best way for kids as it splits there time so completely. I wonder if there is any research on this.

I don’t know anyone that does it except for us, we’re all happy with the arrangement but I suppose we will see if they are being affected by it when they’re older!

Tweetingmagpie I'm really interested in your situation but do not want to pry. I wonder if having a more 'friendly' break up would make a 50/50 work better and also if it would work better when kids are older.

I think these will be things the OP can look into but at the moment she must be in a degree of shock that her partner has cheated on her and left her, and his going on about 50/50 just seems potentially to just be keeping her stressed.

ridiculous, don't suggest giving him anything, don't help him in any way, shape or form. A breast fed baby needs mum and only mum.
I'd be telling him to get stuffed.
he should of thought of his daughter when he unzipped his trousers.

50/50 really is not good for a 1 year old, please don't agree to it. I very much regret agreeing to 60/40 when my DD was 16 months, it had a huge negative impact on her mental and emotional well-being, needing professional help in the end.

Why don't you suggest he can see her a couple of hours a day several days a week (if he only works 16 hours this should be easy to arrange) then he can have one full daytime Saturday or Sunday each weekend (8 hours) but every single night is to be spent with you. So little and often is the way to go with small ones up to 4 or 5 I think! If you can make him understand that you are not trying to keep her away from him etc but simply looking out for her best interest and that you're happy to facilitate and lot of little and often type contact it may sink in with him. Ask him to do some research!

Does he not work ? How can he have her for this length of time ?

How is he proposing to support her on his 50% if he can't be bothered to work more than 16 hours? Is there a reason for the 16 hour job other than sheer laziness?