To mourn MN as it was in the Moulden Days

[GregoriaTheGreat]

Admittedly, it was not perfect (full of quiches and Queen Bees). So much so that I gave it a rest for a considerable while. I may even have Flounced at some point (though was not a Mouldie. I would never have been cool enough).

But I now mourn the Olden Days when nobody had to bother with "lighthearted" when a thread was evidently lighthearted. Nobody took everything quite so seriously, even when they would have good reason to.

Posters generally had a decent command of spelling and grammar, too.

Maybe I'm just old and need to take up knitting or something.

"But in general, I find that men just aren’t bitchy and mean about other men in a way that women are."

Well thank you for proving my point so admirably Shirley. I am grateful.

I have also been here for yonks, nc regularly.
It was nice when you didn't have to put 'light hearted' in titles to prevent abuse from the permanently wanky but I don't miss the God awful clique stuff.
Thankfully the brown nosing has lessened and it 's just a couple of names that have people wetting their knickers over for some reason.
Still some bloody funny people but lots gets missed because folks don't RTFT.

So, people that are saying things like "mean girl shit" and "queen bee" what is the male equivalent? I'd really like to know because I can't think of any

Men who are the equivalent of the mean girl or queen bee etc would just be labelled a wanker or a twat.

Bullying wanker or nasty twat, maybe? POS even.

Well said Shirley. Men are kinder and nicer and hardly ever provoke murder of women in the HoC, start wars or kill women every day, or perhaps just a light slap. Oh wait

It isn’t proving your point at all. You don’t get men piling on to tell other men that their outfits make them look fat, for example.

That isn’t an admirable quality in anyone, I would never see that being “admired” in men. That, to be, is bitching and not something that men do naturally as much as women.

Got to go out now. Feel free to say horrid things about me while I'm gone.

I think a lot of the current SPaG issues are due to autocorrect on mobile devices, ditto the lack of punctuation etc.
But not all - however, it's still twattish to pick people up on it, especially as no one has any idea for the reason behind it.

I've been here since 2008, although I use it less and less now - I do agree that the funny threads are fewer in number and that there do seem to still be AIBU watchers who still delight on pouncing on any OP and shredding them. It's always sad to see them get to the OP first, as it quite often sets the tone for the next several posters' responses and can be quite devastating for an OP!

On the whole I agree that the tone of the site has changed but I think that's largely due to more people being on it now.

I miss some posters who are no longer here, but know some of them on FB. The only poster I really regret ever crossing swords with (well, her sword, my hatpin!) was Dittany - she was so right and I would love to be able to apologise to her (not that she'd have a clue who I was, I'm sure - but still)

Thanks Nextphonewontbesamsung, it’s a far more aggressive username than I am on here. My previous was much more me.

Actually the thing I hate most now is the number of women who are quick to say “what you describe isn’t abuse, everyone’s h is like that, just make more effort”.

This place was always the one corner of the internet where women were encouraged to put their needs first. I still remember the shock at being given permission to leave someone who was bad for me.

Years after leaving him, I was speaking to my DM about it one day, and she (who tried so hard to get me to stay with him and improve things instead of walking away) said, “I’m so glad you left him, I though it at the time, but you can’t say that, can you?”

Open mouthed I said, “YES! Yes of course you can say it. You can do it gently, but that permission is everything!”

I do understand her permission, but I hate to see that side of MN diluted by people who think you should put up and shut up.

Lweji If I take my glasses off, I will not be able to see owt

FuckyouChris - yes, it's quite distressing to see people telling OPs in abusive situations that they should try harder - fortunately they're still very much in the minority, although there are a few that are very vocal and seem to get in on most of those threads. But still in the minority.

Hully is directly responsible for the ground elder in my garden and I wouldn't put it past her to have encouraged the bindweed too. That and global warming. All her fault.

I did snort at "quite funny". What wonderful lukewarm sentiments.

I remember the friendships and I remember the accusations of royalty and mean girl shtick. There was some poor behaviour. There were friendships. In the Venn diagram of MN Past, there was likely some crossover of course. But some of the warmest and enriching friendships I have came out of MN. It probably saved my sanity once upon a time.

There’s nothing at all wrong with friendships on forums, but what was uncomfortable to watch was how those not in the group were blatantly ignored, even if they were making a valid contribution to the thread.

That definitely happened and I’m glad that doesn’t happen anymore. The royalty crew certainly did appear to love the title and attention and it’s odd to now see that they didn’t..

There’s nothing at all wrong with friendships on forums, but what was uncomfortable to watch was how those not in the group were blatantly ignored

Yes, I saw some of that too. I especially think anyone who was a Moldie (and I genuinely have no idea if anyone on this thread was or not, because a) I was fairly new to MN at the time that all kicked off and b) I have an appalling memory for usernames so this is a general observation) would not be able to defend themselves against accusations of clique-ishness because that was pretty much the definition of über-clique with it's "is this person in or out"?

There is a difference between an organic friendship which remains open to the possibility of other, newer, like-minded people becoming friends too, and a clique with the drawbridge drawn up against newcomers. I've seen both on MN and the latter was more apparent in the 'good old days' than it is now.

I was a lurker mainly. But I always wondered what happened to gentle otter, I think that was her name, she had a blog about struggling on her Scottish small holding?
I also miss the variety of threads. You could be crying over one parent's heartbreaking post about their terminally ill child (one in particular😢) and laughing yourself silly at the next thread.
AIBU has always been edgey, but the sheer nastiness sometimes creeps onto other boards.

True, Thumb. Long may strong voices win out. There is nowhere else that does it quite like MN

Thanks @RightYesButNo - it is so worrying. In a previous incarnation I physically drove an abused MNer and children away from her cuntH, but these days her first thread would probably get a 'he's doing all the work for the family cut him some slack' response.

And the MRAs - whether male or female - would be 'oh you call everything abuse lighten up'.

Maybe I'll pick an evening a week and "patrol" some boards. Want to join me?

Get Reality's thread trending again - even though it's pinned I don't think people are taking it to heart...

I've been on MN for 15 years.

I think some of the changes in that time have been for the better, in particular the fact that it's much less cliquey than it used to be.

But I do agree about the seeming necessity nowadays to put the word "lighthearted" in the title of a thread that is clearly intended not to be taken seriously. People seem to take offence far more easily than they used to.

I don't think hardly anyone cares a hoot about "friendship" and popularity. Most seem to be calling out the derailing of threads by getting all your chums to flock on and back you up, which is obviously easier if you've got a few of them. Also the deciding which threads are worth taking seriously and which aren't and acting accordingly on those threads. That used to happen a LOT and I think its disingenuous to say it didn't and try pass off being tackled about that as "you're just jealous of our friendships!" Or even try to divert it into a "men don't get told off like this!" argument. You may not like that you did that and being called out on it years later, as it interferes with your rosy MN glow. It did happen though so 🤷‍♀️

What the hell is Reddit

My 18 year old was in nappies when I first joined.

Well someone took no notice of cod's potty training bootcamps, didn't they?

I joined in 2004. I miss the intimacy of the site I first knew, being a known name to the majority of the regular posters, but the cliques and gangs were shocking, and it is only ever the members of these cliques and gangs who deny they existed, or deny they bullied or ignored anyone, or ask 'what's wrong with having friends?' now. Sorry, but true.

FWIW, I also met my best friend here. We forged our relationship on msn, out of the public eye. We didn't seek out each other's posts here to ostentatiously bundle in and wave hello to each other.

Especially those I don't know I know because they've namechanged. I don't know how people recognise writing styles - I never can! I I've never namechanged for longer than a couple of months, though I have lots of names I used for fun threads, like the one where we all translated our names into Latin (Ursaferruginous in case you're wondering)

When I joined in 2005, I was on the bar threads a lot, which I suppose you could call a clique, and yes, at first it did seem a bit exclusive, because they had their in-jokes which I didn't get. But they were really welcoming and it didn't take long for me to feel like I fitted in. So yes, I made friends, particularly Lulumama and Lissie, Reidie, SewingMadMummy and lots more, including one whose name I now shamefully have forgotten, but who had a husband in the White Helmets Army motorcycle stunt team. Many of them have now left Mumsnet, though I have them on FB, but sadly if any are here under a namechange I really wouldn't know. But if I did recognise them, I really don't see what's wrong with acknowledging it and saying hello.

Way back in the dawn of time, I was one of the dinosaurs roaming the primeval earth that was the earliest days of MN. There'd been an article in the Sunday Times, so it was full of terribly naice educated middle class mums and lots of middle class angst. I "knew" literally every poster because there were so few of us and everyone chipped in on pretty much every post, because there were so few of them!

I don't mourn anything, because I think it is fantastic that so many more mums are reached now. We desperately need supportive resources like this and it has seen me through ex-H's affair, divorce, the diagnosis of DS's autism, the birth of No2, horrible illnesses, depression, disastrous relationships, dating, school choosing, school hating, penis beakers, job changes, shit bosses, death of a parent, death of a friend and now the menopause.

Long-live MN!!!!!

What the hell is Reddit

Another message board-type website, divided into hundreds (thousands?) of sections called 'subs' based around specific topics. There is a sub-Reddit devoted to spotting potential MN troll threads and discussing posters the contributors consider to be unpleasant (to be fair, in some cases they seem to be correct based on how certain posters choose to present their MN persona, but I'm mildly uncomfortable about the concept of bitching about other people behind their back on a completely different site rather than just calling them out on the MN thread(s) or reporting them to the MN mods). They often capture threads, or at least OPs, that end up being deleted and post them for posterity.

Sounds nuts! Thanks @titofthe iceberg

I'm surprised I don't recognize more names. Except Cod, of course. Maybe my memory is shot to hell after all these years. I'm aka sansouci, cariboo and several other alter egos, whose names are buried in the sands of time. I was never popular, certainly not royalty, but I didn't care. I was here to be amused and distracted, and that I was, thank God! I have many MN friends on FB, but I don't remember their MN names anymore.
Anyway, hello everyone. Make mine a double.